sorting life into boxes

So, I'm getting ready to move in a month. It's a good and bad thing. The place I'm moving to doesn't look awesome on the outside, but the inside was roomy and pleasant. I'm not using all the space in the place i'm in now, and there are too many memories. I need to be out.
So, do facilitate that, I'm beginning the packing process. Sorting things into boxes, trying to figure out what I want to keep, what should be tossed. It's the wrong time of year for a yard sale, so now I get to figure out how to sell on those selling groups on fb. And, of course, running into my ex's crap. Finding out she was deeper in debt than she ever told me, which isn't a surprise cause she couldn't stop spending money, but it makes me sad she never felt she could tell me. I hope she figured it out.
I'd gotten some more of her mail the other day. So, I sent her a message. She told me to ship it back, so I guess she's never coming back here. A relief, I think.
I was supposed to go see my dr to get on anti-depressants, but I pushed the appointment back.  I'll see her soon anyway, so maybe it is for the best. I'm disappointed in myself for still being torn up about the loss. I need to get back on the right track, but just can't figure out how to do that yet. But, to be positive, I'm going to the Blues game on Thursday with my sister and a friend. And I'm doing a tour of StL with a queer meet up on Saturday. Hopefully it all flows and I'll keep moving on. As much as my broke ass can!

Happy New Year

So ends this year, which doesn't make me sad.

I think my ex has been sneaking into the house when I'm away. I know she's been watching Man in the High Castle on my amazon account.

It's stupid shit, but I do have to give it to her. If she wanted to kill any affection I would have had for her, this is the way to do it. She broke my heart, and now she has to sneak into my home to watch tv? And do what else?  It's been eating me alive, but I'm trying to move past it.

Welcome 2017. Please don't suck worse than your predecessor.

Driving myself crazy

 checked my phone bill this morning. My ex is still showing. Call the phone company and they say she won't be on next month cause her phone has been cancelled. And suddenly I want to know what's going on in her life and feel stupid cause I want to ask the phone company hick and it's my like she's going to know anything. And now I can't stop my mind from running through scenarios or trying to figure out what is going on in her life. Nope this why she didn't respond to my text a month ago. Does it flipping matter? Holy hell. When am I going to get her out of my system? When am I going to stop worrying and wondering and having to listen to special music to stop my mind from racing? I get that it has only been 2 months since she dropped me and I get that it takes time, but it feels like I've been stuck here forever.
Spinning my wheels.

Lazy Sunday

It's a crazy lazy sunday. Slept in forever. It was incredibly nice, but I feel like a slouch. So, I signed up for a new apartment, have been bingeing Shadowhunters this morning and have been playing a little bit on Pogo. I really, really need to get my ass on the elliptical, but you know, laziness.

And, I kind of want to get my ass back in bed.

Trying new things

so, last night I went out on a Meetup thing. Not even sure what to call it. It wasn't terrible, but ... that's a lie. It was awful. Super awkward. The only good thing I took away from it is a new group to Jon. For running. And the the fact that one of the people I was talking to does half marathons. And she runs/walks them. And she isn't nearly as fit as I keep envisioning myself. And there was an article on fb last night, (fb? Maybe USA pray.) but it said that if you don't have the right idea while trying to get fit, you won't. Apparently you have to be in the right frame of mind to get, getting fit won't help your mind. This may be harder than I thought.

The Christmas songs make me want to put my head in the sand

All of these Christmas songs are depressing me. I guess it's a bad day

Short hair, don't care

I've been crazy busy today. On my day off. Which is annoying. But I've gotten a lot accomplished. One of those many things is getting my hair chopped off. Like almost shaved off the back end. I've given pixie a new meaning. Well, for me. Now I have to figure out how to artfully tousle it.

Got new running shoes. That way I can continue to train better for the 5K that I'm slowly convincing myself I'm training for. And then made two batches of cookies.  Very, very busy. I miss sleeping in. Oh my goodness I miss sleeping so much.

In other news, I feel free. It's been a weird week. My ex can't seem to figure out how to get her mail transferred. It isn't that hard, I've done it several times. However, her shit keeps coming here. So I messaged her and let her know and she came and got it. But we just had odd messages back and forth. She's blocked my phone number and thinks I'm too stupid to notice so I'm done. So today, more mail came and I wrote on it that it was a wrong address. I'm not going to contact her anymore. I'm tired of reaching my hand out and having it smacked back. It wasn't worth it.

So, it's time for me to move on. It's time for me to make changes and be strong and move the hell on. I'm free. I deserve better and it makes me feel better to know that she is having shitastic luck the last few weeks. It shouldn't make me feel better. I feel like it makes me a bad person. Either way, it makes me feel a little better.

Fighting with my calendars

Trying to be a family once and then realizing that it doesn't work, means you have to put your life back to rights. And all your stuff. It has been a slow pain in the keister to put my life back to rights. We had a family plan on the phone, shared our calendars, shared our locations, etc. It was good, helpful and got us closer together. Of course, now I have to put my life back to right and we separated all that. Except, I can still see all her crap. So I try to get rid of our shared calendar, but icloud won't let me. Then have to go back through to figure out that all her devices are still connected to my account. So I kick all of that off, her computer, her iphone, etc; only to realize her shit is still showing up on my calendar. Of course, the simplest is the best, so I cancelled family sharing, but I'm still annoyed. How many more times am I going to have to be reminded? How many more little things? I mean her fucking mail still comes here.   So I dutifully put it in a box and wait. Maybe she'll come back for it. Maybe she won't. 10 to 1 says I never hear from her again.

In other non sad news, I'm going to try and work out more.  Actually ran on the elliptical today. Not a lot, but I did it. Hair cut on in a few days. Hoping it will turn out awesome.

Holy crap I want to get past all this. I'm tired of dreaming of her. Well, not tired of dreaming of her. But still missing her and it makes it worse. Actually. You know? I am tired of dreaming of her. It fucks with my sleep.