Yep,
I'm aware that I haven't been about for a little bit. That isn't to say that I haven't been thinking about writing. Little things like recurrent dreams, crappy days and poisonous employees run through my mind for things to drop a note of, but I've been too lazy to do anything about it.
In fact, and I know this is bad, I'm blogging now to get out of writing an employee's review.
The Ireland trip is less than 3 weeks away now. I still haven't received my passport yet. I'm afraid the gov't is just holding on to it to piss me off. It isn't like I'm interesting enough to have a gov't conspiracy against me, so the only reason they would do it would the peripheral enjoyment of making my life suck just a little more.
I'm having a crappy time of it otherwise though. I'm still binge eating, (I really need to get that puking thing down), but I've been trying to do it with healthier things. Instead of binging with ice cream, I will use bananas. It isn't quite the same thing though. Exercising is even less realistic for me. In fact, I've noticed that I run out of breath when I'm talking to someone. Now we can interpret that as a sign that I'm obese, (which the gov't has already classified me as, thanks. Got that memo) or that I smoke too much. Hmmm. Flip of the coin for which is worse, or which I plan on fixing anytime soon. I'll get back to you on that.
One of my favorite authors came to Louisville the other day. I sat with all these other women, some aspiring writers, some rabid fans of Jenny Crusie, some both. It scared the shit out of me. I looked at these women, who may be perfectly happy in their lives, but looked to me like "This is your future if you keep this wicked path" type of Afterschool Movie. I keep going through life picking out things and saying, "I don't want that. I don't want to become that. Shoot me if I ever wear that," but I can't make up my mind what I do want or what will be acceptable.
So, yeah! Life is great. Things are just perking along.
Right to hell, but they are perking along.
Sunday, April 16, 2006
Saturday, March 11, 2006
No memory
Yea, yea... I can't say that I've been extremely punctual about this whole blog thing. Not that anything is going on in my life either, but we keep trying.
Quick recap:
Got the flu and was laid up for about a week praying to whatever deity would listen for death.
Spent my tax refund on a trip to Ireland in May. Now I have to locate a flight back to Chicago to catch the flight to Dublin with Stais. Of course, I also have to book the flight back home after we do our week long drinking excursion. But I'll save that one for a couple of days from now.
Went to Florida for business meetings and saw a bunch of old friends. I'm sure the first thought in their heads was, "My god she's put on weight," but it didn't matter because I had so much fun with everyone. In fact, if I weren't going to Ireland, that week would be in the top five good times I had this year and it is only March.
Weird things have been happening lately in the apartment. Doors are closing by themselves, clothes are swinging in a breeze that isn't there (I turned off the heater a few days ago), my phone is ringing with no caller ID popping up and no one on the other end. Can't figure out who would be haunting me as I live a pretty blah life, but it certainly is weird.
I keep trying to exercise, but odd things happen there too. I jump on the treadmill at home and it will stop in the middle of things, and the power has gone out once.
Other than that, life is just as boring and stressful as normal. Don't know why anything should change there.
I'll drop a line later when something may happen in my life to cause excitement. Well, maybe sooner than that. If we wait for excitement, it may be a while....
Quick recap:
Got the flu and was laid up for about a week praying to whatever deity would listen for death.
Spent my tax refund on a trip to Ireland in May. Now I have to locate a flight back to Chicago to catch the flight to Dublin with Stais. Of course, I also have to book the flight back home after we do our week long drinking excursion. But I'll save that one for a couple of days from now.
Went to Florida for business meetings and saw a bunch of old friends. I'm sure the first thought in their heads was, "My god she's put on weight," but it didn't matter because I had so much fun with everyone. In fact, if I weren't going to Ireland, that week would be in the top five good times I had this year and it is only March.
Weird things have been happening lately in the apartment. Doors are closing by themselves, clothes are swinging in a breeze that isn't there (I turned off the heater a few days ago), my phone is ringing with no caller ID popping up and no one on the other end. Can't figure out who would be haunting me as I live a pretty blah life, but it certainly is weird.
I keep trying to exercise, but odd things happen there too. I jump on the treadmill at home and it will stop in the middle of things, and the power has gone out once.
Other than that, life is just as boring and stressful as normal. Don't know why anything should change there.
I'll drop a line later when something may happen in my life to cause excitement. Well, maybe sooner than that. If we wait for excitement, it may be a while....
Sunday, February 12, 2006
Delinquency is not a sin
I've behaved poorly. I've mistreated the poor reader of this little blog by not writing for almost a month. I will try and remedy this by apologizing profusely and looking pitiful. I, of course, already look pitiful, but that is neither here nor there.
Anyway, on to the show.
Went to Chicago last weekend to see Stais and her beau Phil. I had a great time. Phil, being the worrywort, believes that I didn't do enough stuff to enjoy myself, but just hanging with Stais was enough for me. We hung out Friday, drinking and reminiscing because this is some sort of prerequisite for long term visits. I can't be sure, but I do know we could go without it. I couldn't stand high school when I was there, looking back on it just confirms my belief that I had to serve my purgatory before I ever died.
Saturday was better because we went downtown, which was an experience in and of itself, and walked around even though it was fucking cold. That whole train thing is a trip, I cannot even imagine riding a train for an hour just to get to work. Any thoughts I was entertaining to move to Chicago were pretty much quashed. Going out to lunch at the Cheesecake Factory was also incredibly funny and extremely enlightening about the town. Besides, all I could afford was a condo, and I'd much rather have a house, with a lawn and a garden, in a neighborhood where the local kids would cut my grass for a fee and I could sit out on my front porch and read a book, drink some wine and smoke a cigarette. I'll be happy just visiting Stais and Phil. Besides, I don't think her couple friends would accept someone who is not a part of the group.
Either way, I had a blast, but as always I got homesick for my own bed and my cats and split out a little early on Sunday. After a certain point, you just want to get home. Especially after a five hour drive.
Something that came out of the trip, though, is that Stais and I are going to Ireland. It is an idea I've been kicking around, but when I was talking to Stais and Phil about it, Phil said that if I bought a house this year, I would probably never go to Ireland. He's right. So, the house is going to be put off a year, and Stais and I will fly out to Dublin the first week of May. This is huge for me. Spending a ton of money always makes me nervous, but I just can't resist. We are taking a pub tour which sounds really cool. There is this other walking tour, but it is a couple hundred dollars more per person and I would rather have that as spending money.
So, now the tedious process of getting a passport and all that other crap. I've got the form filled out. I've found my birth certificate, now I'll have to make some time this week to run to the post office. Of course, I also have to get a couple of pictures taken as well. Crap! Where and when am I going to have time to have that done? And find a picture that is a good likeness of me? Is that even possible? Shit shit shit. Of course, then there is the $157 processing fee to get the damn thing done and sent back to me in 3 days just so I can have it out of the way.
As a side note, I love my cats but they aren't the brightest. I have two candles burning on the side table and I've been watching Ginger circle them, giving them squinty eyed stares because they are flickering, and trying to smack at them so they will stop. One would think the heat would be enough to make her walk away, but she really isn't that bright.
So, I've got this new thing. I'm trying to walk a mile a day. It isn't much I know, but as I'm extremely out of shape and overweight, I need to start doing something. I figure, as soon as I can breeze through a mile, I will start kicking it up. I need to get back to the Y, but me breathing heavy in front of complete strangers, as well as singing off key with my Ipod, doesn't strike me as something I should really consider doing. But, I need to get my ass in gear and go there to lift weights as well.
Well, I have a meeting in a few hours, so I'd better get my ass up and start exercising so I stop sweating by the time I have to address my employees. Just the thought of talking to these people on what is my day off, makes my stomach turn. Of course, if I were independently wealthy, I would never leave my apartment. Rodney, one of my assistants was going on the other day about how his roommate never leaves the house, just sits and watches tv and drinks vodka. He was going on about how pathetic it was and it was all I could do not to shrink within myself. Except for the vodka part, it sounds amazingly like myself. I know Rod is just talking and blowing off steam about being frustrated with this idiot he pays rent to, but there are days when he talks about what a social non-entity this guy is, or his weight and I just want to slap him and say, "Do you even realize who you are talking to? Do you even see me? Are you aware that I have the social skills of a small monkey and I weigh the same as any two of my employees put together? I know I'm not pretty, but god dammit, talking to you almost always makes me feel worse!" But I don't. I just smile and laugh and then walk away and put it to the back of my mind so it can pop out later and make me cry at the end of a movie I haven't seen, but everyone on the screen is crying so it must have been sad, right?
I really need to make an appointment with a shrink.
But, enough about me. How are all of you doing? Really, that's great. Glad to hear it. No, really you should all drop a line sometime and let me know what it is like to look in the mirror and not feel like crawling beneath the covers to stay for a month. Maybe if I can turn this compulsive eating thing into a compulsive exercising thing I can feel better about the way I fit into my clothes.
Yea. And a handsome, burly, tall, chivalrous guy with a sense of humor has been outside my door just waiting for me to open it.
And the cold beneath your feet has nothing to do with hell freezing. I swear.
Anyway, on to the show.
Went to Chicago last weekend to see Stais and her beau Phil. I had a great time. Phil, being the worrywort, believes that I didn't do enough stuff to enjoy myself, but just hanging with Stais was enough for me. We hung out Friday, drinking and reminiscing because this is some sort of prerequisite for long term visits. I can't be sure, but I do know we could go without it. I couldn't stand high school when I was there, looking back on it just confirms my belief that I had to serve my purgatory before I ever died.
Saturday was better because we went downtown, which was an experience in and of itself, and walked around even though it was fucking cold. That whole train thing is a trip, I cannot even imagine riding a train for an hour just to get to work. Any thoughts I was entertaining to move to Chicago were pretty much quashed. Going out to lunch at the Cheesecake Factory was also incredibly funny and extremely enlightening about the town. Besides, all I could afford was a condo, and I'd much rather have a house, with a lawn and a garden, in a neighborhood where the local kids would cut my grass for a fee and I could sit out on my front porch and read a book, drink some wine and smoke a cigarette. I'll be happy just visiting Stais and Phil. Besides, I don't think her couple friends would accept someone who is not a part of the group.
Either way, I had a blast, but as always I got homesick for my own bed and my cats and split out a little early on Sunday. After a certain point, you just want to get home. Especially after a five hour drive.
Something that came out of the trip, though, is that Stais and I are going to Ireland. It is an idea I've been kicking around, but when I was talking to Stais and Phil about it, Phil said that if I bought a house this year, I would probably never go to Ireland. He's right. So, the house is going to be put off a year, and Stais and I will fly out to Dublin the first week of May. This is huge for me. Spending a ton of money always makes me nervous, but I just can't resist. We are taking a pub tour which sounds really cool. There is this other walking tour, but it is a couple hundred dollars more per person and I would rather have that as spending money.
So, now the tedious process of getting a passport and all that other crap. I've got the form filled out. I've found my birth certificate, now I'll have to make some time this week to run to the post office. Of course, I also have to get a couple of pictures taken as well. Crap! Where and when am I going to have time to have that done? And find a picture that is a good likeness of me? Is that even possible? Shit shit shit. Of course, then there is the $157 processing fee to get the damn thing done and sent back to me in 3 days just so I can have it out of the way.
As a side note, I love my cats but they aren't the brightest. I have two candles burning on the side table and I've been watching Ginger circle them, giving them squinty eyed stares because they are flickering, and trying to smack at them so they will stop. One would think the heat would be enough to make her walk away, but she really isn't that bright.
So, I've got this new thing. I'm trying to walk a mile a day. It isn't much I know, but as I'm extremely out of shape and overweight, I need to start doing something. I figure, as soon as I can breeze through a mile, I will start kicking it up. I need to get back to the Y, but me breathing heavy in front of complete strangers, as well as singing off key with my Ipod, doesn't strike me as something I should really consider doing. But, I need to get my ass in gear and go there to lift weights as well.
Well, I have a meeting in a few hours, so I'd better get my ass up and start exercising so I stop sweating by the time I have to address my employees. Just the thought of talking to these people on what is my day off, makes my stomach turn. Of course, if I were independently wealthy, I would never leave my apartment. Rodney, one of my assistants was going on the other day about how his roommate never leaves the house, just sits and watches tv and drinks vodka. He was going on about how pathetic it was and it was all I could do not to shrink within myself. Except for the vodka part, it sounds amazingly like myself. I know Rod is just talking and blowing off steam about being frustrated with this idiot he pays rent to, but there are days when he talks about what a social non-entity this guy is, or his weight and I just want to slap him and say, "Do you even realize who you are talking to? Do you even see me? Are you aware that I have the social skills of a small monkey and I weigh the same as any two of my employees put together? I know I'm not pretty, but god dammit, talking to you almost always makes me feel worse!" But I don't. I just smile and laugh and then walk away and put it to the back of my mind so it can pop out later and make me cry at the end of a movie I haven't seen, but everyone on the screen is crying so it must have been sad, right?
I really need to make an appointment with a shrink.
But, enough about me. How are all of you doing? Really, that's great. Glad to hear it. No, really you should all drop a line sometime and let me know what it is like to look in the mirror and not feel like crawling beneath the covers to stay for a month. Maybe if I can turn this compulsive eating thing into a compulsive exercising thing I can feel better about the way I fit into my clothes.
Yea. And a handsome, burly, tall, chivalrous guy with a sense of humor has been outside my door just waiting for me to open it.
And the cold beneath your feet has nothing to do with hell freezing. I swear.
Sunday, January 22, 2006
Someone get this damn thing off my ear
Sorry this has been so late. I know January is a fairly busy month for everyone, but it has been a little over the top for me. Hopefully I will get with the program.
Now that I've done this, though, I cannot believe how pathetic my life is. I wonder how I'm going to fix this?
Four jobs you have had in your life:
Manager in a retail universe (my current role)
News Editor (college paper)
Waitress (these didn't have to be in any sort of order, right?)
Cashier (same universe as above, how the hell did you think I got started?)
Four movies you could watch over and over:
Dogma (Kevin Smith at his best)
While You Were Sleeping (cheesy romantic)
The Quiet Man (Who doesn't like John Wayne?)
McClintock (Not the best John Wayne movie, but brings a smile everytime)
Four places you've lived:
Webster Groves, Missouri
Lenexa, Kansas
Louisville, Kentucky
Jeffersonville, Indiana
Four TV shows you love to watch:
House (One of the few I will make time to watch)
Bones (David Boreanaz, finally allowed to age)
Headline News (I know, but the 12 step program didn't help)
MASH (Just don't even ask cause I don't know why)
Four places you've been on vacation:
Gulf Shores, Alabama
Ozarks
Wow, I've never really been any place
How disturbing is that to realize?
Four of your favorite foods:
Crab Rangoon
Steak
Diet Coke
Coffee
Four places you'd rather be right now:
Southern Missouri
Ireland
Kansas City
Rend Lake
Four sites I visit daily:
Itunes
MSN Games (So I'm addicted to Zuma, your point?)
Dictionary.com
For Better or For Worse Strip Fix (I have to have my comics)
Four Bloggers you are tagging:
Gern: Cause it has been too long since he's posted...
Jack: Because I am beginning to wonder if these people are dead....
msbeesknees: because while I've never posted a comment on her site, reading her rants always make me feel more sane
yea, I know I'm supposed to pick someone else, but I think I'm going to leave you with this....
Now that I've done this, though, I cannot believe how pathetic my life is. I wonder how I'm going to fix this?
Four jobs you have had in your life:
Manager in a retail universe (my current role)
News Editor (college paper)
Waitress (these didn't have to be in any sort of order, right?)
Cashier (same universe as above, how the hell did you think I got started?)
Four movies you could watch over and over:
Dogma (Kevin Smith at his best)
While You Were Sleeping (cheesy romantic)
The Quiet Man (Who doesn't like John Wayne?)
McClintock (Not the best John Wayne movie, but brings a smile everytime)
Four places you've lived:
Webster Groves, Missouri
Lenexa, Kansas
Louisville, Kentucky
Jeffersonville, Indiana
Four TV shows you love to watch:
House (One of the few I will make time to watch)
Bones (David Boreanaz, finally allowed to age)
Headline News (I know, but the 12 step program didn't help)
MASH (Just don't even ask cause I don't know why)
Four places you've been on vacation:
Gulf Shores, Alabama
Ozarks
Wow, I've never really been any place
How disturbing is that to realize?
Four of your favorite foods:
Crab Rangoon
Steak
Diet Coke
Coffee
Four places you'd rather be right now:
Southern Missouri
Ireland
Kansas City
Rend Lake
Four sites I visit daily:
Itunes
MSN Games (So I'm addicted to Zuma, your point?)
Dictionary.com
For Better or For Worse Strip Fix (I have to have my comics)
Four Bloggers you are tagging:
Gern: Cause it has been too long since he's posted...
Jack: Because I am beginning to wonder if these people are dead....
msbeesknees: because while I've never posted a comment on her site, reading her rants always make me feel more sane
yea, I know I'm supposed to pick someone else, but I think I'm going to leave you with this....
Sunday, January 15, 2006
Pills pills pills
This has had to have been the oddest week.
On Sunday I took my managers out for dinner and a meeting. I figured I could bond with them while they ate dinner. It didn't go poorly, but it wasn't the gasser I had hoped it would be.
Monday was a fairly routine day at work. I worked the late shift which wasn't awful, took a call from my boss chewing on me for numbers, blah blah blah. It was Tuesday where things started to turn. Somehow I twisted my back. Well, let's say my doctor believes that I've wrenched my back. I think that I'm being punished by the sarcasm gods for not living up to my full potential this last month. They are a really scary group, headed by Dennis Miller who wears a red cape (we are talking sarcasm here kids) and wields a dictionary with razor sharp pages and tablets for the covers. But I digress.
I didn't actually twist my back, but I realized about mid-day that from my mid-back to the backs of my knees, I had throbbing pain. And not in that fun way either. I inhaled tylenol and advil and went into the next day.
Wednesday I still had the pain and called the doctor. She prescribed heat and advil. I also went to yoga thinking if I could stretch out the muscles I would be ok. Hmmm. Yoga. Yea. Stais insists that I stay with it, but I have to tell you, after a half hour, I started watching the clock. I could only do so many rising suns, sleeping dog, swaying tree one more time before I belted someone. I was laughing pretty much the whole time. I couldn't really lie flat on my stomach because my chest elevates me about 3 inches off the ground. And, I'd like to point out, even though I am a larger girl, (we'll use zaftig cause most people don't know what the word means), I was still more agile than a lot of people in there. That being said, I cannot say that I enjoyed it. I tried to meditate, but as I suck at that, it wasn't very productive. Again, however, I digress.
Thursday, I couldn't get out of bed. I eventually had to literally roll out of bed, to hit the floor. As I stood in the bathroom, sort of hunched over, I realized that I couldn't make it through the day. Now, I realize that usually if you take medication, you usually are able to make it through the day, but as I had woken up about 2 a.m. and swallowed some tylenol, and then tried to get up about 4:30, either the medication wasn't helping or it was worse than the meds could handle.
Friday I saw the doc and she gave me, Lortab and Skelaxin, which apparently is a narcotic. Oh boy. I've been popping the Lortab like crazy, but I've kept away from the narcotic. The last thing I want is a drug I really like.
Interestingly enough, I also got a generic Prozac. This would be for my stress as well as my compulsory eating. Yea, I'm aware I haven't been telling you everything, but I also haven't been telling everyone everything.
Which of course leads us to the weekend. I can't do Yoga cause the doctor said to rest this weekend. All I did was read, watch older movies and bake cookies. Yep. That's what I said. Me without a domestic bone in my body made cookies all day yesterday and I have the ingredients prepped and ready for some baking again today. I'm not eating the cookies. Not even eating the dough. Just baking cookies. I have 3 freezer bags (the large ones) filled with chocolate chip, oatmeal and chocolate peanut butter, as well as a large container. I can't explain it, I just woke up yesterday with a burning desire to make cookies.
But back to the pain. I have to call my doc tomorrow and let her know how I felt this weekend. I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to say. Well, I know you wanted me to relax, but since my back hurts, I can't really lay down, since my butt hurts (oh yea, it would be different if I had used the damn thing in any sort of manner that would explain why the muscles in my ass hurt, but nope, nothing, nada. This is so depressing) I can't sit for any prolonged time with out shifting around like I've got hemorrhoids, the only thing that is comfortable is standing and there is only so much of that you can do in your own house.
So, as I'm on second pill for the day, and it is only 1 p.m., I now have to dive into the advil to help take the edge off. Doc said if I didn't improve with the medication she was going to send me to a physical therapist. What irritates me is that she ran no test, no blood work, no urine tests, nothing. If she isn't right, I'm going to be oh so pissy!
Now, I know I've been bitching for a while here, but there a couple other things I have to get off my chest before I go make cookies.
What the fuck is with Rita Crosby's voice? Is this person the first transvestite on a prime time news program? I swear I can't see her or hear her voice without thinking of MadTV. There is a comedian there (I don't know names. Wait, to the internet! Mo Collins) who I'm sure is imitating Crosby. Either way, I simply cannot take Crosby as a serious journalist, because she looks like an idiot and sounds like she's been smoking since she was six.
What the hell is wrong with Kirstie Alley and Jenny Craig? I understand that Alley has lost quite a bit of weight, but in what universe am I supposed to believe that was her that is tossed in the air during the latest commercial? I seriously doubt she was able to do that previously, so why should I believe she can do it know? The whole point of Jenny Craig is to make it look believable that the everyday Joanne can lose weight with them, not be flipped in the air by a bunch of men, who if I had to guess are 2/3 gay and professionals. That won't happen in my neighborhood or, for that matter, anyone's neighborhood unless they live next to a house full of professional cheerleaders, so it won't matter how much weight I lose, no wandering group of men are going to strut down my street and toss my lily white ass in the air.
And, yes. I saw I was tagged. Dammit. I'll get around to it later. The oven is calling me.
On Sunday I took my managers out for dinner and a meeting. I figured I could bond with them while they ate dinner. It didn't go poorly, but it wasn't the gasser I had hoped it would be.
Monday was a fairly routine day at work. I worked the late shift which wasn't awful, took a call from my boss chewing on me for numbers, blah blah blah. It was Tuesday where things started to turn. Somehow I twisted my back. Well, let's say my doctor believes that I've wrenched my back. I think that I'm being punished by the sarcasm gods for not living up to my full potential this last month. They are a really scary group, headed by Dennis Miller who wears a red cape (we are talking sarcasm here kids) and wields a dictionary with razor sharp pages and tablets for the covers. But I digress.
I didn't actually twist my back, but I realized about mid-day that from my mid-back to the backs of my knees, I had throbbing pain. And not in that fun way either. I inhaled tylenol and advil and went into the next day.
Wednesday I still had the pain and called the doctor. She prescribed heat and advil. I also went to yoga thinking if I could stretch out the muscles I would be ok. Hmmm. Yoga. Yea. Stais insists that I stay with it, but I have to tell you, after a half hour, I started watching the clock. I could only do so many rising suns, sleeping dog, swaying tree one more time before I belted someone. I was laughing pretty much the whole time. I couldn't really lie flat on my stomach because my chest elevates me about 3 inches off the ground. And, I'd like to point out, even though I am a larger girl, (we'll use zaftig cause most people don't know what the word means), I was still more agile than a lot of people in there. That being said, I cannot say that I enjoyed it. I tried to meditate, but as I suck at that, it wasn't very productive. Again, however, I digress.
Thursday, I couldn't get out of bed. I eventually had to literally roll out of bed, to hit the floor. As I stood in the bathroom, sort of hunched over, I realized that I couldn't make it through the day. Now, I realize that usually if you take medication, you usually are able to make it through the day, but as I had woken up about 2 a.m. and swallowed some tylenol, and then tried to get up about 4:30, either the medication wasn't helping or it was worse than the meds could handle.
Friday I saw the doc and she gave me, Lortab and Skelaxin, which apparently is a narcotic. Oh boy. I've been popping the Lortab like crazy, but I've kept away from the narcotic. The last thing I want is a drug I really like.
Interestingly enough, I also got a generic Prozac. This would be for my stress as well as my compulsory eating. Yea, I'm aware I haven't been telling you everything, but I also haven't been telling everyone everything.
Which of course leads us to the weekend. I can't do Yoga cause the doctor said to rest this weekend. All I did was read, watch older movies and bake cookies. Yep. That's what I said. Me without a domestic bone in my body made cookies all day yesterday and I have the ingredients prepped and ready for some baking again today. I'm not eating the cookies. Not even eating the dough. Just baking cookies. I have 3 freezer bags (the large ones) filled with chocolate chip, oatmeal and chocolate peanut butter, as well as a large container. I can't explain it, I just woke up yesterday with a burning desire to make cookies.
But back to the pain. I have to call my doc tomorrow and let her know how I felt this weekend. I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to say. Well, I know you wanted me to relax, but since my back hurts, I can't really lay down, since my butt hurts (oh yea, it would be different if I had used the damn thing in any sort of manner that would explain why the muscles in my ass hurt, but nope, nothing, nada. This is so depressing) I can't sit for any prolonged time with out shifting around like I've got hemorrhoids, the only thing that is comfortable is standing and there is only so much of that you can do in your own house.
So, as I'm on second pill for the day, and it is only 1 p.m., I now have to dive into the advil to help take the edge off. Doc said if I didn't improve with the medication she was going to send me to a physical therapist. What irritates me is that she ran no test, no blood work, no urine tests, nothing. If she isn't right, I'm going to be oh so pissy!
Now, I know I've been bitching for a while here, but there a couple other things I have to get off my chest before I go make cookies.
What the fuck is with Rita Crosby's voice? Is this person the first transvestite on a prime time news program? I swear I can't see her or hear her voice without thinking of MadTV. There is a comedian there (I don't know names. Wait, to the internet! Mo Collins) who I'm sure is imitating Crosby. Either way, I simply cannot take Crosby as a serious journalist, because she looks like an idiot and sounds like she's been smoking since she was six.
What the hell is wrong with Kirstie Alley and Jenny Craig? I understand that Alley has lost quite a bit of weight, but in what universe am I supposed to believe that was her that is tossed in the air during the latest commercial? I seriously doubt she was able to do that previously, so why should I believe she can do it know? The whole point of Jenny Craig is to make it look believable that the everyday Joanne can lose weight with them, not be flipped in the air by a bunch of men, who if I had to guess are 2/3 gay and professionals. That won't happen in my neighborhood or, for that matter, anyone's neighborhood unless they live next to a house full of professional cheerleaders, so it won't matter how much weight I lose, no wandering group of men are going to strut down my street and toss my lily white ass in the air.
And, yes. I saw I was tagged. Dammit. I'll get around to it later. The oven is calling me.
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Relaxation here I come
So I have signed up at the Y for a membership as well as Yoga sessions. I will be relaxed or there will be hell to pay! I know there are benefits for getting exercise and such, but dammit, I really need it to keep my head together. Stress is a killer they say, but no one defines who it really kills, do they?
So my first class is tomorrow. On top of it all, my back is so tense, it has actually travelled down my ass and into my legs. No amount of stretching today has made it better so I'm going to end up taking a bath to try and take some of this pain.
I've been trying to avoid the great introspection this month usually drags me down into, but I've been having some trouble ducking the phone calls. It was kind of funny, actually. Today I interviwed someone and in talking to him, either rediscovered why I like my job, or talked myself back into the job. I actually left the building with warm fuzzies for the first time in a long time. It didn't last overly long, but it was nice while it lasted. Regardless, I know I'm at a point where I have to make decisions about my life (what do I want to do when I grow up, where do I want to live at, is it time to be a grown up yet) that kind of thing, but I still don't have any idea which direction I want to take.
Shouldn't there be a fork or a signpost or something around here?
So my first class is tomorrow. On top of it all, my back is so tense, it has actually travelled down my ass and into my legs. No amount of stretching today has made it better so I'm going to end up taking a bath to try and take some of this pain.
I've been trying to avoid the great introspection this month usually drags me down into, but I've been having some trouble ducking the phone calls. It was kind of funny, actually. Today I interviwed someone and in talking to him, either rediscovered why I like my job, or talked myself back into the job. I actually left the building with warm fuzzies for the first time in a long time. It didn't last overly long, but it was nice while it lasted. Regardless, I know I'm at a point where I have to make decisions about my life (what do I want to do when I grow up, where do I want to live at, is it time to be a grown up yet) that kind of thing, but I still don't have any idea which direction I want to take.
Shouldn't there be a fork or a signpost or something around here?
Monday, January 02, 2006
I'd like to give it a try....
Had the day off, the first in a week, and I enjoyed every last little minute of it. I ate too much, I cleaned a little, read a little, worked a little... All around a 4 star day.
I didn't make any New Year Resolutions yet. I have no real desire to. I have some ideas about what I want to do, but I can't say I've been making any moves toward the end result. I really need to get my ass in gear. I didn't go out for New Year's, which I know is some sort of sacrilege, but I was working that weekend and had no push to do it.
I've decided I'm stagnating. Well, I can't say I decided it, the thought floated up to me in some putrid water and I recognized it as my own. I didn't embrace it, as I'd just showered, but gently kicked it to the broken shoreline of my soul and watched it for awhile. It just rocked on the tide of the water, trying it's best to lull me to sleep, complacent with the dead end my life has run into. I fought, though, and stayed awake, alternately humming At My Funeral, and daydreaming about being a superhero, righting wrongs, helping small children and old ladies, and being the wittiest, prettiest girl at the party. Every once in a while reality would pop up and bite me in the ass, but for the most part, it was a very boring hour.
I need to get a reading. I need to have someone tell me what it is I don't see. I need a clue, because I don't feel like Miss Scarlett.
I didn't make any New Year Resolutions yet. I have no real desire to. I have some ideas about what I want to do, but I can't say I've been making any moves toward the end result. I really need to get my ass in gear. I didn't go out for New Year's, which I know is some sort of sacrilege, but I was working that weekend and had no push to do it.
I've decided I'm stagnating. Well, I can't say I decided it, the thought floated up to me in some putrid water and I recognized it as my own. I didn't embrace it, as I'd just showered, but gently kicked it to the broken shoreline of my soul and watched it for awhile. It just rocked on the tide of the water, trying it's best to lull me to sleep, complacent with the dead end my life has run into. I fought, though, and stayed awake, alternately humming At My Funeral, and daydreaming about being a superhero, righting wrongs, helping small children and old ladies, and being the wittiest, prettiest girl at the party. Every once in a while reality would pop up and bite me in the ass, but for the most part, it was a very boring hour.
I need to get a reading. I need to have someone tell me what it is I don't see. I need a clue, because I don't feel like Miss Scarlett.
Friday, December 23, 2005
Merry Christmas you fools
I'm getting ready to head back to St. Louis to see the family for the holidays. I've got a friend coming in to watch my cats for me, so of course I need to wipe the memory of my recent web pages so she doesn't see just how much porn I need to get through the single life. Or, erotica if you insist, but a rose is a rose.
I wish you all have a wonderful holiday. Enjoy yourselves and stay out of trouble!
I wish you all have a wonderful holiday. Enjoy yourselves and stay out of trouble!
Sunday, December 18, 2005
Holiday Romance
No, don't get any ideas. I'm not saying that I've had any of my own. I've sworn off until I get my life settled and, I have to admit, watching Sethro go through his trials and tribulations has proved to me that men don't have any more of a clue what they are looking for than women do.
No, what I'm talking about is all the romance on tv, that seems to pervade the holiday season. I've been watching old movies and new movies and Christmas themed tv shows while my brain rots out my ears and I quietly work on my latest disaster of a blanket. The worst offender is the Hallmark channel which shows movies aimed at a younger generation, old maids in their 30s (sounds familar), but has commercials for Cialis, fragile bones and Depends. I too want a boyfriend for Christmas, and believe in Santa Claus and have been looking for a holiday miracle, but I'm getting the distinct feeling that all those stories are fiction, not based on any possibility that Santa will drop into my living room on the big day with a list of people I would be compatible to hang out with and/or a behemoth of a man that has been looking for me for years to help him in his quest to find out what adventure actually is.
It isn't just in shows and movies either. What about the commercial where some idiot commandeers a snow plow, endangering the lives of others so he can hurry home to the supermodel sleeping the living room? Or the radio commercials for jewelry stores for those clueless men who are looking for something unique and beautiful to give to their special someone that is just like the ones all their buddies are giving to their wives?
Ahhh, but I sound bitter. I'm not really, honestly. The doctor says I'm continuing to show improvement. There is one commercial that has just impressed the hell out of me, though. It is the Salvation Army bell ringer. She is standing in front someone whose home has burned, in front of a homeless man and on the roof in a flood. I already give to a couple of charities, including United Way, but I never feel it is enough. I might have to call the Red Cross next year and see if they could use my wide skills in crocheting, watching tv and reading books inappropriate for children.
I recently heard Alice's Restaurant again. They used to play it everything Thanksgiving morning in St. Louis on one of the local stations, I think K-SHE, if I'm remember it correctly. What a huge trip down memory lane. The guy I dated in high school, had parents who were old hippies. I can remember going to their house for dinner and listening to Arlo Guthrie on the record player. Arlo and James Taylor. It is amazing what you take with you from previous relationships. From that one I have an affection for JT and Arlo, the liberal use of garlic and large families. A couple of relationships later I came out of it with a cat. And a sofa table. I guess you can't really escape your past, especially if you are taking it with you.
No, what I'm talking about is all the romance on tv, that seems to pervade the holiday season. I've been watching old movies and new movies and Christmas themed tv shows while my brain rots out my ears and I quietly work on my latest disaster of a blanket. The worst offender is the Hallmark channel which shows movies aimed at a younger generation, old maids in their 30s (sounds familar), but has commercials for Cialis, fragile bones and Depends. I too want a boyfriend for Christmas, and believe in Santa Claus and have been looking for a holiday miracle, but I'm getting the distinct feeling that all those stories are fiction, not based on any possibility that Santa will drop into my living room on the big day with a list of people I would be compatible to hang out with and/or a behemoth of a man that has been looking for me for years to help him in his quest to find out what adventure actually is.
It isn't just in shows and movies either. What about the commercial where some idiot commandeers a snow plow, endangering the lives of others so he can hurry home to the supermodel sleeping the living room? Or the radio commercials for jewelry stores for those clueless men who are looking for something unique and beautiful to give to their special someone that is just like the ones all their buddies are giving to their wives?
Ahhh, but I sound bitter. I'm not really, honestly. The doctor says I'm continuing to show improvement. There is one commercial that has just impressed the hell out of me, though. It is the Salvation Army bell ringer. She is standing in front someone whose home has burned, in front of a homeless man and on the roof in a flood. I already give to a couple of charities, including United Way, but I never feel it is enough. I might have to call the Red Cross next year and see if they could use my wide skills in crocheting, watching tv and reading books inappropriate for children.
I recently heard Alice's Restaurant again. They used to play it everything Thanksgiving morning in St. Louis on one of the local stations, I think K-SHE, if I'm remember it correctly. What a huge trip down memory lane. The guy I dated in high school, had parents who were old hippies. I can remember going to their house for dinner and listening to Arlo Guthrie on the record player. Arlo and James Taylor. It is amazing what you take with you from previous relationships. From that one I have an affection for JT and Arlo, the liberal use of garlic and large families. A couple of relationships later I came out of it with a cat. And a sofa table. I guess you can't really escape your past, especially if you are taking it with you.
Thursday, December 08, 2005
How weird am I?
While Sethro may not like pilfering from other people's blogs, I have no real problem doing it. I found this after tooling around on his blog....
Of course, I'm a little upset that I'm not more bizarre, but what's a girl to do?
Work has just all around sucked. I had to have a feedback session with my employees to find out how they felt about me, and I can't say that I'm surprised, but it still sucks to know these people are intimidated by me. Pansies. I was pretty excited to find out that I had a few supporters in the group so things aren't as bad as they could be. We'll see. I'll be so happy though, when we finally get through this trial period bullshit and they stop comparing me to their last boss. Cause I've just about had it hearing his name. If he hadn't fucked the place up royally the first time, then I wouldn't have to be up their asses to fix it.
On a personal front, friends and family are seriously encouraging me to get my ass out. I want to, but I'm too damn stubborn to just pack up my cats and leave. I need to stick this out and see where it takes me. If I let this place beat me I will not be able to look myself in the face again. I really want a house though, I've fully come to that conclusion. Now I have to decide if I'm going to sacrifice my trip to Ireland next year to make sure I've got my ducks in a row.
In other news, I'm going to go see Stais in February. She may not want me, but dammit, I'm coming up anyway. I've got Dean Martin's "Baby, It's Cold Outside" running through my head. I might have to lay down until it passes.
Oh, and for all of you who need to bypass all that nasty verbal business when searching for a girl, get yourselves this cool new toy, and see just how lucky you get! Thanks Trainwreck!
| You Are 50% Weird |
 |
Of course, I'm a little upset that I'm not more bizarre, but what's a girl to do?
Work has just all around sucked. I had to have a feedback session with my employees to find out how they felt about me, and I can't say that I'm surprised, but it still sucks to know these people are intimidated by me. Pansies. I was pretty excited to find out that I had a few supporters in the group so things aren't as bad as they could be. We'll see. I'll be so happy though, when we finally get through this trial period bullshit and they stop comparing me to their last boss. Cause I've just about had it hearing his name. If he hadn't fucked the place up royally the first time, then I wouldn't have to be up their asses to fix it.
On a personal front, friends and family are seriously encouraging me to get my ass out. I want to, but I'm too damn stubborn to just pack up my cats and leave. I need to stick this out and see where it takes me. If I let this place beat me I will not be able to look myself in the face again. I really want a house though, I've fully come to that conclusion. Now I have to decide if I'm going to sacrifice my trip to Ireland next year to make sure I've got my ducks in a row.
In other news, I'm going to go see Stais in February. She may not want me, but dammit, I'm coming up anyway. I've got Dean Martin's "Baby, It's Cold Outside" running through my head. I might have to lay down until it passes.
Oh, and for all of you who need to bypass all that nasty verbal business when searching for a girl, get yourselves this cool new toy, and see just how lucky you get! Thanks Trainwreck!
Sunday, December 04, 2005
It's Official
I'm homesick. Of course, I don't know if it is a homesickness for a home, Kansas City or St. Louis. I know that I want a house, I want it so bad I can almost taste it. I'm sure Ive mentioned it before, a brick craftsman house with the big ass porch, lots of trees in the front yard, an older kitchen that I will regret getting because I have to replace every damn thing, creaky floor boards, and a place for me to plant my roses. I just don't know if I want this house to be here in Southern Indiana/Louisville, or if I should take my ass back to K.C. or if I should suck it up and more to St. Louis cause that is where my parents are.
I do know I'm tired of living in apartments/duplexes/townhouses. I'm tired of hearing the doors to the other apartments around me opening and closing; muffled conversations or music; worrying about whether or not I'm disturbing anyone when I'm up at 4:30 in the morning getting ready for work. I want to be irritated at myself because I haven't gotten up early enough to shovel the snow in my driveway.
Having said that, I just don't know where I want it to be. I've been considering living in Kansas City again. I've been talking to old friends out there and thinking about what it was like to live out there. The only problem is that I'm not sure if they really have any good brick craftsman houses and I know they don't have any old neighborhoods (and by old I don't mean 30 years, I'm talking centuries here), except for maybe in the city. I know I should move back to St. Louis, but, while my family is there, there isn't anything else there for me.
Who the hell knows?
I do know I'm tired of living in apartments/duplexes/townhouses. I'm tired of hearing the doors to the other apartments around me opening and closing; muffled conversations or music; worrying about whether or not I'm disturbing anyone when I'm up at 4:30 in the morning getting ready for work. I want to be irritated at myself because I haven't gotten up early enough to shovel the snow in my driveway.
Having said that, I just don't know where I want it to be. I've been considering living in Kansas City again. I've been talking to old friends out there and thinking about what it was like to live out there. The only problem is that I'm not sure if they really have any good brick craftsman houses and I know they don't have any old neighborhoods (and by old I don't mean 30 years, I'm talking centuries here), except for maybe in the city. I know I should move back to St. Louis, but, while my family is there, there isn't anything else there for me.
Who the hell knows?
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Still slacking
As my buddy Sethro pointed out, I am seriously slacking here. I wish I had fun, new or interesting things to post, but unfortunately, life is seriously dull around here. The only things that are full of energy are the kids, and even they are starting to slip a little.
Of course, I say this as I sit back with a margarita in hand. What a crappy week. If it weren't for the fact that I'm independently wealthy, I'd quit. The sad fact is that I have been working with the public for so long, I don't know that I even like people anymore. Black Friday sucked, and the month is going down hill from there. What is it with people around the holidays? Why on earth do they believe they are entitled to everything that isn't nailed down and then some? What on earth makes you more important than the guy standing next to you? People just get stupid around this time of year and all you can do is get yourself a watergun filled with ammonia to shoot at the really outrageous ones. The worst offenders need to be put in a timeout, perhaps a small room with more Ned Flanders than there are to count and left for a week.
Of course, the icing on the cake today is one of my employees telling a customer that I was mean to her. Of course, the customer then calls my boss to tell him I'm mean to my employees. And, your point? Here's a thought, if you hadn't fucked up, then I wouldn't have had to talk to you about it. Try not fucking up and blaming it on everyone else but yourself and we'll see how it goes. I'm not worried about what my boss has got to say, because, truthfully, if my employee feels like I'm picking on her, then I need to make sure she understands where I'm coming from, but holy hell. If someone has a problem with me, use that wily thing called a backbone and talk to me about it.
Here's what I don't understand. I stand about 5'10". I have the build of a feminine linebacker (I blame my dad who was a linebacker in college), I have a mouth to match, but my face is, what was it the last customer told me, youthful. (She said I looked 12, but youthful sounds better.) I'm not overly brash, but I will tell you exactly what I think. I enjoy laughing most of all, and can often be found chatting with employees or customers, laughing and enjoying the day. I swear, more people are intimidated by me than those who really know me. I personally don't understand. There is no reason for it. Regardless, no matter who the person is or what they look like, have the simple respect to talk to them about what you are feeling instead of whining to customers that you are being mistreated.
Ok. I think I feel better. Well, yes and no. I feel better for venting, but I'm still going to have to deal with it. And have another drink. Definately have another drink.
So, here is my stupid move for the week. There are several cops who come in my building all the time, all really nice guys. I'm standing outside this morning, poisoning myself, when a police car pulls over in front of me. I, of course, wave and walk over to say "Howdy". Yet, when I get there, the guy in front of me is no one I know and I have to scramble to start a conversation. I wasn't aware I could come off looking anymore lame than I did today. I wasn't even aware it was physically possible. I feel like an ass. I'm sure he thought I was throwing myself at him. Ohhh that was awkward. Damn I'm good.
And here is another pic of the girls, aren't they just adorable? Little hellions.....
Of course, I say this as I sit back with a margarita in hand. What a crappy week. If it weren't for the fact that I'm independently wealthy, I'd quit. The sad fact is that I have been working with the public for so long, I don't know that I even like people anymore. Black Friday sucked, and the month is going down hill from there. What is it with people around the holidays? Why on earth do they believe they are entitled to everything that isn't nailed down and then some? What on earth makes you more important than the guy standing next to you? People just get stupid around this time of year and all you can do is get yourself a watergun filled with ammonia to shoot at the really outrageous ones. The worst offenders need to be put in a timeout, perhaps a small room with more Ned Flanders than there are to count and left for a week.
Of course, the icing on the cake today is one of my employees telling a customer that I was mean to her. Of course, the customer then calls my boss to tell him I'm mean to my employees. And, your point? Here's a thought, if you hadn't fucked up, then I wouldn't have had to talk to you about it. Try not fucking up and blaming it on everyone else but yourself and we'll see how it goes. I'm not worried about what my boss has got to say, because, truthfully, if my employee feels like I'm picking on her, then I need to make sure she understands where I'm coming from, but holy hell. If someone has a problem with me, use that wily thing called a backbone and talk to me about it.
Here's what I don't understand. I stand about 5'10". I have the build of a feminine linebacker (I blame my dad who was a linebacker in college), I have a mouth to match, but my face is, what was it the last customer told me, youthful. (She said I looked 12, but youthful sounds better.) I'm not overly brash, but I will tell you exactly what I think. I enjoy laughing most of all, and can often be found chatting with employees or customers, laughing and enjoying the day. I swear, more people are intimidated by me than those who really know me. I personally don't understand. There is no reason for it. Regardless, no matter who the person is or what they look like, have the simple respect to talk to them about what you are feeling instead of whining to customers that you are being mistreated.
Ok. I think I feel better. Well, yes and no. I feel better for venting, but I'm still going to have to deal with it. And have another drink. Definately have another drink.
So, here is my stupid move for the week. There are several cops who come in my building all the time, all really nice guys. I'm standing outside this morning, poisoning myself, when a police car pulls over in front of me. I, of course, wave and walk over to say "Howdy". Yet, when I get there, the guy in front of me is no one I know and I have to scramble to start a conversation. I wasn't aware I could come off looking anymore lame than I did today. I wasn't even aware it was physically possible. I feel like an ass. I'm sure he thought I was throwing myself at him. Ohhh that was awkward. Damn I'm good.
And here is another pic of the girls, aren't they just adorable? Little hellions.....
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
Trying to get back into my groove.
I don't care what the people are thinking
I ain't drunk, I'm just drinking
First I need to apologize for slacking on my posts, still. I haven't had any motivation to really do any commenting. Just nothing to say, you know?
Things have been fairly sedate lately. It helps that I've come to some conclusions about what I want and what I'm going to get out of life. I'm going to be 33 in a couple of months and of cuorse I'm still single. In fact, I'll be having Thanksgiving with just my cats this year, as I have in years past, but usually I drive into St. Louie to see the family the weekend after T-day. Now that I have the girls, I'm leary about leaving them for a day or two when Dev still harbors visions of punting them over the balcony. So, for the first time ever, I will be making a Turkey and the fixins on thursday instead of making a frozen dinner. I've been thinking about doing this for a little bit, which I think is what prompted my next major decision - to buy a house. I know that a lot of other people have already done such, but this is a pretty big step for me. This means that I will be planting my ass in Louisville (technically Southern Indiana) for a while. This makes this move pretty permanent. I know what kind of house I want, a Craftsman, and there are a few in Louisville to be had. Stais is still pushing for me to move closer to Chicago, but I don't know that that is the right move for me. If I wanted to live closer to a big city, I'd move back to St. Louis, but there is no burning desire for me to move back there either.
I think as I realize that I probably won't be leaving this area anytime soon, I also realize that I may not realize why I'm out here. I'd been having deja vu pretty regularly for a while, with just little instances here and there, but then it just stopped. Then the other day I was at work and it came out of the blue, but I remembered when I first had the dream, I remember talking to Stais about the oddness of the dream, it was the strongest feeling I've had in the building and yet the most depressing. I realized that my life is going on track, jsut the way it is supposed to and I cannot believe how boring, solitary and isolated it is. So, now it is time to make it permanent, cause changing cities isn't necessarily going to make it better, I'm not dissatisfied enough with the company to change and I can't transfer cause I just got this damn building. Fate is a tricky bitch.
I had an odd dream last night. (Stais, don't even bother to read.) I dreamt that old friends of mine where all together, the old gang, without Judy (no loss) and we were going to live together in a big ole house. I was so excited. I remember seeing DJ and Chuckles and i just held on to them. Stais says this is cause I haven't gotten over DJ, but I think it just means I miss my friends. I fucked those relationships up but good and it is one of my main regrets. I don't think I'll ever find a group like that again, and I'm not sure I should. I woke up so excited this morning, and was so disappointed when I found out it was just a dream.
Oh well, I have to get on to work, and make a last minute trip to the grocery store to pick up the stuffing essentials, a meat thermometer and a couple of yams. The yams make the meal, you know.
I ain't drunk, I'm just drinking
First I need to apologize for slacking on my posts, still. I haven't had any motivation to really do any commenting. Just nothing to say, you know?
Things have been fairly sedate lately. It helps that I've come to some conclusions about what I want and what I'm going to get out of life. I'm going to be 33 in a couple of months and of cuorse I'm still single. In fact, I'll be having Thanksgiving with just my cats this year, as I have in years past, but usually I drive into St. Louie to see the family the weekend after T-day. Now that I have the girls, I'm leary about leaving them for a day or two when Dev still harbors visions of punting them over the balcony. So, for the first time ever, I will be making a Turkey and the fixins on thursday instead of making a frozen dinner. I've been thinking about doing this for a little bit, which I think is what prompted my next major decision - to buy a house. I know that a lot of other people have already done such, but this is a pretty big step for me. This means that I will be planting my ass in Louisville (technically Southern Indiana) for a while. This makes this move pretty permanent. I know what kind of house I want, a Craftsman, and there are a few in Louisville to be had. Stais is still pushing for me to move closer to Chicago, but I don't know that that is the right move for me. If I wanted to live closer to a big city, I'd move back to St. Louis, but there is no burning desire for me to move back there either.
I think as I realize that I probably won't be leaving this area anytime soon, I also realize that I may not realize why I'm out here. I'd been having deja vu pretty regularly for a while, with just little instances here and there, but then it just stopped. Then the other day I was at work and it came out of the blue, but I remembered when I first had the dream, I remember talking to Stais about the oddness of the dream, it was the strongest feeling I've had in the building and yet the most depressing. I realized that my life is going on track, jsut the way it is supposed to and I cannot believe how boring, solitary and isolated it is. So, now it is time to make it permanent, cause changing cities isn't necessarily going to make it better, I'm not dissatisfied enough with the company to change and I can't transfer cause I just got this damn building. Fate is a tricky bitch.
I had an odd dream last night. (Stais, don't even bother to read.) I dreamt that old friends of mine where all together, the old gang, without Judy (no loss) and we were going to live together in a big ole house. I was so excited. I remember seeing DJ and Chuckles and i just held on to them. Stais says this is cause I haven't gotten over DJ, but I think it just means I miss my friends. I fucked those relationships up but good and it is one of my main regrets. I don't think I'll ever find a group like that again, and I'm not sure I should. I woke up so excited this morning, and was so disappointed when I found out it was just a dream.
Oh well, I have to get on to work, and make a last minute trip to the grocery store to pick up the stuffing essentials, a meat thermometer and a couple of yams. The yams make the meal, you know.
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Floating in my own apathy
I've been terribly remiss. I haven't posted in at least a week. Sorry bout that. I can't say that I've been terribly busy, cause that would be a lie, but I haven't really had any desire to do anything. The girls have been terribly energetic, as kittens have a tendency to do. If they aren't kicking each other's butts around the apartment, they are eating and shitting. Apparently that is all they will really do for a while. That and tear things up around the place. I've bought entirely too many toys that they have torn to hell and back and they still aren't satisfied.
Of course, I could get them the toys a friend of mine found on the internet. But the visuals I get from that just scare the hell out of me.
Is it just me, or have the Black Friday ads started earlier this year? I'm afraid for next friday. Really really worried. The people I've encountered have been a special sort of stupid lately, I don't think it is going to get better just because they've eaten a large amount of turkey and watched football.
By the way, I've named the kittens. The tabby is Ginger and the calico is Grace.
They are cute as hell. And they are just as annoying.
Of course, I could get them the toys a friend of mine found on the internet. But the visuals I get from that just scare the hell out of me.
Is it just me, or have the Black Friday ads started earlier this year? I'm afraid for next friday. Really really worried. The people I've encountered have been a special sort of stupid lately, I don't think it is going to get better just because they've eaten a large amount of turkey and watched football.
By the way, I've named the kittens. The tabby is Ginger and the calico is Grace.
They are cute as hell. And they are just as annoying.
Saturday, November 05, 2005
The girls have arrived
I finally have been able to bring the girls home. They are the cutest things, and of course, Dev is furious with me and with them. He's ticked off at me for bringing them into the house and he just isn't giving them any sort of opportunity. Granted it has only been a couple of days, but I'm still hoping that he will get used to them. Right now I've got them cooped up in the spare bedroom, but they seem to be taking it pretty well. The tabby is Ginger and the calico is Grace.
Is it sad that this is my major event of the week?
Sunday, October 30, 2005
Where did you get those eyes?
What a wonderful day! Not that I did anything really important, but I so enjoyed doing nothing important. I did do lots of shopping this morning. On Friday I went out and added to the family, so I had to go get the supplies to keep the house clean and them happy. I hate going to shelters, but my own cat, Devil, has been so unhappy lately, that I had to do something. Of course, I went in with the intention of only getting one kitten, a female, but the girls had more than that on their mind. I saw this tabby cat, just the cutest thing and held her while she kept trying to burrow into my coat. This calico in the next cage however, just wouldn't let me out of her sight. So I ended up holding her too and now I've adopted both. They will get fixed and their shots next week and I should be able to get them back on Thursday. I'm not real sure how Dev is going to take it, but hopefully they will all get along.
I finished another afghan. I'm now into the 20s for afghans. I can't remember all the different ones I've made now. I'm going to ship this one off to a friend's mom. She recently sent me a housewarming gift so I have to reciprocate with a little something. This is the only thing I do that completely relaxes me. I've just finished that one and have already started another. The one I just finished is what you would call an extras blanket. All the colors are just extras you have of colors, not really enough to do a whole lot of anything. Except I went out and bought more. I swear it is like collecting for me. I need professional help.
Yes, it has been a really nice day. The weather has even cooperated. Pretty soon the weather will turn, but until then, I swear fall is my favorite season.
I finished another afghan. I'm now into the 20s for afghans. I can't remember all the different ones I've made now. I'm going to ship this one off to a friend's mom. She recently sent me a housewarming gift so I have to reciprocate with a little something. This is the only thing I do that completely relaxes me. I've just finished that one and have already started another. The one I just finished is what you would call an extras blanket. All the colors are just extras you have of colors, not really enough to do a whole lot of anything. Except I went out and bought more. I swear it is like collecting for me. I need professional help.Yes, it has been a really nice day. The weather has even cooperated. Pretty soon the weather will turn, but until then, I swear fall is my favorite season.
Monday, October 24, 2005
Scooby Doo Universe
I love this time of year simply because of all the Scooby Doo reruns that will be populating the Cartoon Network. I am a product of my childhood. I'm pretty proud of that. Scooby Doo rocks, I've a large soft spot for early alternative and I really miss all the camping trips my family took to Rend Lake when I was younger. I miss the old Justice League, no matter how cheesy they were, although the latest versions are cooler, more edgy.
This may be the reason I'm still single, however.
I should be getting ready for my trip to Cinci for the next couple of days, but I am so not motivated. Today was my vacation day and yet I spent much of it working on little things. It is enough to irritate, but what are you going to do. Maybe if I'm a very good girl I'll be able to get a few more days later in the year, but the way everything is working out, I probably won't have another vacation until my b-day in January. This is just sucking.
Of course, it is a business trip tomorrow, which isn't going to make it fun, but I'm driving up with a friend of work. Carpooling isn't bad, but being on the road for a couple of hours with someone you know only kind of well just doesn't make for wild and crazy times. I'm sure it will be fine. I just am ready for it to be done.
And just for those of you who believe there is no culture down here in Southern Indiana/Louisville area, this is proof that there is at least one nice place to eat, or so they say. I'm guessing this is the only way women could get their men to take them out to a "Nice Restaurant," by actually naming a restaurant that way. Imagination these people don't have. On top of that, it is in a strip mall.
Class people, pure class.
This may be the reason I'm still single, however.
I should be getting ready for my trip to Cinci for the next couple of days, but I am so not motivated. Today was my vacation day and yet I spent much of it working on little things. It is enough to irritate, but what are you going to do. Maybe if I'm a very good girl I'll be able to get a few more days later in the year, but the way everything is working out, I probably won't have another vacation until my b-day in January. This is just sucking.
Of course, it is a business trip tomorrow, which isn't going to make it fun, but I'm driving up with a friend of work. Carpooling isn't bad, but being on the road for a couple of hours with someone you know only kind of well just doesn't make for wild and crazy times. I'm sure it will be fine. I just am ready for it to be done.
And just for those of you who believe there is no culture down here in Southern Indiana/Louisville area, this is proof that there is at least one nice place to eat, or so they say. I'm guessing this is the only way women could get their men to take them out to a "Nice Restaurant," by actually naming a restaurant that way. Imagination these people don't have. On top of that, it is in a strip mall.
Class people, pure class.
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Slacking
I know I've been a little remiss about posting lately. I've been working so much, and then on top of that, I've been too tired to do much else but hold the cat and sleep.
Can't say that I've been doing all that much either. Wierd and funky dreams though. I've been having this dream that I'm wandering around lost in what has to be the largest mall ever. I'm not trapped, per se, just don't know where I'm going. And, to tell the truth, I don't know if I even know what I'm looking for. I've had this dream several times in the last few weeks. I'm sure it has some sort of twisted meaning, but I'm afraid to delve deeper. I just keep waking up disconcerted.
Of course Halloween has come up. I love the holiday, hate the temptation for candy. Not that I'm interested in a lot of varieties, but everytime the season swings around, I'm all about the Smarties. I'm very aware it is pure sugar, but there is something to be said about untwirling the ends and throwing a couple in your mouth.
I've made the decision to get another cat. My poor boy is desperate for companionship he is meowing at the cats that live downstairs through the rails on the balcony. I worry a little that he will try and figure out a way to jump and just try it to see if he makes it. So, I'm going to go to the local shelter and get a female a few years younger. There is this whole process however, that you have to go through to introduce the cats to each other. I'm trying to take a vacation in a couple weeks, so I will attempt this then. Wish me luck.
Of course, I'm also almost finished with the junk afghan I've been making. Now I'm going to have to come up with a different design and start all over again. The one I'm almost done with, though, is huge. It is wider than 6 ft and almost as tall as I am (5'10"). It isn't too bad at all. Maybe I can make it taller than me. I'll just keep plugging away.
Can't say that I've been doing all that much either. Wierd and funky dreams though. I've been having this dream that I'm wandering around lost in what has to be the largest mall ever. I'm not trapped, per se, just don't know where I'm going. And, to tell the truth, I don't know if I even know what I'm looking for. I've had this dream several times in the last few weeks. I'm sure it has some sort of twisted meaning, but I'm afraid to delve deeper. I just keep waking up disconcerted.
Of course Halloween has come up. I love the holiday, hate the temptation for candy. Not that I'm interested in a lot of varieties, but everytime the season swings around, I'm all about the Smarties. I'm very aware it is pure sugar, but there is something to be said about untwirling the ends and throwing a couple in your mouth.
I've made the decision to get another cat. My poor boy is desperate for companionship he is meowing at the cats that live downstairs through the rails on the balcony. I worry a little that he will try and figure out a way to jump and just try it to see if he makes it. So, I'm going to go to the local shelter and get a female a few years younger. There is this whole process however, that you have to go through to introduce the cats to each other. I'm trying to take a vacation in a couple weeks, so I will attempt this then. Wish me luck.
Of course, I'm also almost finished with the junk afghan I've been making. Now I'm going to have to come up with a different design and start all over again. The one I'm almost done with, though, is huge. It is wider than 6 ft and almost as tall as I am (5'10"). It isn't too bad at all. Maybe I can make it taller than me. I'll just keep plugging away.
Friday, October 14, 2005
Ahh revelation
So I finally figured out why I haven't heard from Bruno lately. Apparently he is seeing someone. Obviously that is not a bad thing, but wow, he didn't have the common courtesy to tell me that? That has to be the absolute worst thing about having friends, or making friends. If someone rejects you as a lover, then it is because there is something about the two of you that isn't jelling. I'm not saying it doesn't hurt like hell when it happens, I'm just saying for me it hurts less. When a friend drops you, they are rejecting something about your personality, the person you are. It isn't the way you kiss that turns them off, it isn't that you snore or fart in bed, it isn't that your family is insane, it is something about you, your soul, that they don't want to be connected to any longer.
Oh well. Just another life lesson, I guess. Amazing how things like that don't even hurt anymore. I guess my family and friends are right. I have absolutely no taste when it comes to bringing people into my life. I need a spotter.
Oh well. Just another life lesson, I guess. Amazing how things like that don't even hurt anymore. I guess my family and friends are right. I have absolutely no taste when it comes to bringing people into my life. I need a spotter.
Thursday, October 13, 2005
Laziness rules!
It has just been one of those days where you can't really work up the energy to get your ass up in the morning, then when you finally roll out of bed, the whole day is just too much to bear. I mean, if you can't find the energy to get out of bed, how the hell are you going to find the energy to work or drive or eat or do anything but sleep? I finally put those boss superpowers to work and left early. I'd feel bad, but I grabbed a sandwich, and slept disjointedly for a couple of hours. I still feel tired.
People are bizarre. Of course, this is the dowfall for working in retail, but I swear everyday I walk out of the building saying that I don't understand people. What is this need to tell me what the hell is wrong with your life? Did I ask? If you know it isn't my fault, then why the fuck are you yelling at me? Honestly, big corporations aren't out to get you, sometimes things fall through the cracks. There are evidences of this everywhere, including your wardrobe. Who dressed you this morning? And, while I'm at it, why the hell isn't there a fashion police force? I don't know who told women they could carry off animal prints, but they were wrong. And, since when did men wear lavender/pink/salmon on a regular basis. And who is making ties to match? If you can't find the time to shower and throw on some clean clothes before you walk out the door, don't bother coming here. No, I'm not your honey, but I can see where you would make that mistake (that applies to both men and women). Perhaps you'd like to get your teeth from the car and try that conversation again.
Okay. I'm better now. Well, not really, but I'll fake it. I can carry it off pretty well, too. I work in retail.
People are bizarre. Of course, this is the dowfall for working in retail, but I swear everyday I walk out of the building saying that I don't understand people. What is this need to tell me what the hell is wrong with your life? Did I ask? If you know it isn't my fault, then why the fuck are you yelling at me? Honestly, big corporations aren't out to get you, sometimes things fall through the cracks. There are evidences of this everywhere, including your wardrobe. Who dressed you this morning? And, while I'm at it, why the hell isn't there a fashion police force? I don't know who told women they could carry off animal prints, but they were wrong. And, since when did men wear lavender/pink/salmon on a regular basis. And who is making ties to match? If you can't find the time to shower and throw on some clean clothes before you walk out the door, don't bother coming here. No, I'm not your honey, but I can see where you would make that mistake (that applies to both men and women). Perhaps you'd like to get your teeth from the car and try that conversation again.
Okay. I'm better now. Well, not really, but I'll fake it. I can carry it off pretty well, too. I work in retail.
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