Sexual Drought

I am dying here. I'm sure there is a medical condition, the necessitates sex. Life has just gotten more and more bizarre, and it doesn't help that I'm sinking into this fantasy land every night that leaves me even more sexually frustrated than when I went to bed. The stuff I'm reading, (wow) is leaving me revved up like some car engine that just guns for no reason. I'm idling high. The worst part is that I can't escape it. Even if I don't read the dirty stuff, (although Emma Holly is damn good at her job), I can't watch simple movies without feeling like I'm deprived and/or jealous of the actors doing their job. In fact, I had to come in here and write about this because I was watching "50 First Dates" and I was jealous of a character with a head injury.

It doesn't help that for the first time in my life, my bathroom cabinet looks like a sick person lives here. I'm taking celebrex for my ankle, which still hurts; I'm taking Nicomide for the "stubborn acne" that my dermatologist says is springing up all over my body, (which makes me feel even sexier, let me tell you); and wellbutrin for my mental well being, which I'm not sure is working either. The only indication that there is any juice in the stuff are these dreams I'm having at night. With the worst ones I've been waking up in a sweat, in the best ones, I'm waking up wet. I'm pretty much fucked (well, not technically) and I'm not seeing the benefit during the day.

I am trying to do other things. I spent the majority of my morning setting up my new blinds. They are pretty cheap, but they work in a pinch. Of course, one of the girls, Gracie, decided she needed to play with the cords that were hanging down and ripped one of them off the wall. So in my bay window that has three separate windows, only two of them are covered.

I'm going to have to go to the store, but it wasn't going to happen today. It has been raining so much, my street was flooded for a good two hours. There would have been no way for my to even get out of my driveway. The pump in the basement has been running off and on all day. I've been lucky though, no water in the house. Of course, it is starting to get cold too. I probably should bring someone out to clean the chimney. Maybe they will be cute and I can turn the appointment into one of those penthouse letters.

I've also been getting out. I haven't been hanging out with Capt. Optimism, who, for some reason feels the need to ask me what I'm doing every couple of days, but I have been hanging out with one of my former assistants. I can't remember if I've named him in here yet, so let's just call him my brother Brown, which is a play on his last name, nothing else. Anyway, I've been hanging out with him and his fiance which is cool, but also reaffirms that I'm alone. I hate being the third wheel, especially when I don't know everybody really well, but what are you going to do? Brown is a couple of years younger than me, but his girl Friday, well she is a full decade younger than me. But she's sweet and fun to be around. My singleness seems to be affecting those around me as well. Barry White, my assistant, has decided that if he is still working for me by the time Valentine's day rolls around, he is going to find me someone. I'm beginning to think I'm broken though. There is something wrong with that switch that finds men attractive. In fact, at work a couple of days ago, one of the guys helping me out with my remodel, came up to me and said I looked like I needed to hug, and he gave me one. I will inform you that not only is he incredibly good looking, he is sweet and pretty cut too. All I could think was, "What do I have to do to get you through your visit, so I can get on with my day?" I'm telling you, something in me has died.

And yet, I still miss all the components of sex. The kisses that lead to clothes coming off. Running my hands over his chest, licking and biting and sucking on whatever piece of skin I come across. The slight feeling of helplessness when I end up on my back completely open to his eyes, hands and explorations. That feeling when he first slides into me is one of my favorite.

I need another shower and a beer.