I'm getting ready to head back to St. Louis to see the family for the holidays. I've got a friend coming in to watch my cats for me, so of course I need to wipe the memory of my recent web pages so she doesn't see just how much porn I need to get through the single life. Or, erotica if you insist, but a rose is a rose.
I wish you all have a wonderful holiday. Enjoy yourselves and stay out of trouble!
Friday, December 23, 2005
Sunday, December 18, 2005
Holiday Romance
No, don't get any ideas. I'm not saying that I've had any of my own. I've sworn off until I get my life settled and, I have to admit, watching Sethro go through his trials and tribulations has proved to me that men don't have any more of a clue what they are looking for than women do.
No, what I'm talking about is all the romance on tv, that seems to pervade the holiday season. I've been watching old movies and new movies and Christmas themed tv shows while my brain rots out my ears and I quietly work on my latest disaster of a blanket. The worst offender is the Hallmark channel which shows movies aimed at a younger generation, old maids in their 30s (sounds familar), but has commercials for Cialis, fragile bones and Depends. I too want a boyfriend for Christmas, and believe in Santa Claus and have been looking for a holiday miracle, but I'm getting the distinct feeling that all those stories are fiction, not based on any possibility that Santa will drop into my living room on the big day with a list of people I would be compatible to hang out with and/or a behemoth of a man that has been looking for me for years to help him in his quest to find out what adventure actually is.
It isn't just in shows and movies either. What about the commercial where some idiot commandeers a snow plow, endangering the lives of others so he can hurry home to the supermodel sleeping the living room? Or the radio commercials for jewelry stores for those clueless men who are looking for something unique and beautiful to give to their special someone that is just like the ones all their buddies are giving to their wives?
Ahhh, but I sound bitter. I'm not really, honestly. The doctor says I'm continuing to show improvement. There is one commercial that has just impressed the hell out of me, though. It is the Salvation Army bell ringer. She is standing in front someone whose home has burned, in front of a homeless man and on the roof in a flood. I already give to a couple of charities, including United Way, but I never feel it is enough. I might have to call the Red Cross next year and see if they could use my wide skills in crocheting, watching tv and reading books inappropriate for children.
I recently heard Alice's Restaurant again. They used to play it everything Thanksgiving morning in St. Louis on one of the local stations, I think K-SHE, if I'm remember it correctly. What a huge trip down memory lane. The guy I dated in high school, had parents who were old hippies. I can remember going to their house for dinner and listening to Arlo Guthrie on the record player. Arlo and James Taylor. It is amazing what you take with you from previous relationships. From that one I have an affection for JT and Arlo, the liberal use of garlic and large families. A couple of relationships later I came out of it with a cat. And a sofa table. I guess you can't really escape your past, especially if you are taking it with you.
No, what I'm talking about is all the romance on tv, that seems to pervade the holiday season. I've been watching old movies and new movies and Christmas themed tv shows while my brain rots out my ears and I quietly work on my latest disaster of a blanket. The worst offender is the Hallmark channel which shows movies aimed at a younger generation, old maids in their 30s (sounds familar), but has commercials for Cialis, fragile bones and Depends. I too want a boyfriend for Christmas, and believe in Santa Claus and have been looking for a holiday miracle, but I'm getting the distinct feeling that all those stories are fiction, not based on any possibility that Santa will drop into my living room on the big day with a list of people I would be compatible to hang out with and/or a behemoth of a man that has been looking for me for years to help him in his quest to find out what adventure actually is.
It isn't just in shows and movies either. What about the commercial where some idiot commandeers a snow plow, endangering the lives of others so he can hurry home to the supermodel sleeping the living room? Or the radio commercials for jewelry stores for those clueless men who are looking for something unique and beautiful to give to their special someone that is just like the ones all their buddies are giving to their wives?
Ahhh, but I sound bitter. I'm not really, honestly. The doctor says I'm continuing to show improvement. There is one commercial that has just impressed the hell out of me, though. It is the Salvation Army bell ringer. She is standing in front someone whose home has burned, in front of a homeless man and on the roof in a flood. I already give to a couple of charities, including United Way, but I never feel it is enough. I might have to call the Red Cross next year and see if they could use my wide skills in crocheting, watching tv and reading books inappropriate for children.
I recently heard Alice's Restaurant again. They used to play it everything Thanksgiving morning in St. Louis on one of the local stations, I think K-SHE, if I'm remember it correctly. What a huge trip down memory lane. The guy I dated in high school, had parents who were old hippies. I can remember going to their house for dinner and listening to Arlo Guthrie on the record player. Arlo and James Taylor. It is amazing what you take with you from previous relationships. From that one I have an affection for JT and Arlo, the liberal use of garlic and large families. A couple of relationships later I came out of it with a cat. And a sofa table. I guess you can't really escape your past, especially if you are taking it with you.
Thursday, December 08, 2005
How weird am I?
While Sethro may not like pilfering from other people's blogs, I have no real problem doing it. I found this after tooling around on his blog....
Of course, I'm a little upset that I'm not more bizarre, but what's a girl to do?
Work has just all around sucked. I had to have a feedback session with my employees to find out how they felt about me, and I can't say that I'm surprised, but it still sucks to know these people are intimidated by me. Pansies. I was pretty excited to find out that I had a few supporters in the group so things aren't as bad as they could be. We'll see. I'll be so happy though, when we finally get through this trial period bullshit and they stop comparing me to their last boss. Cause I've just about had it hearing his name. If he hadn't fucked the place up royally the first time, then I wouldn't have to be up their asses to fix it.
On a personal front, friends and family are seriously encouraging me to get my ass out. I want to, but I'm too damn stubborn to just pack up my cats and leave. I need to stick this out and see where it takes me. If I let this place beat me I will not be able to look myself in the face again. I really want a house though, I've fully come to that conclusion. Now I have to decide if I'm going to sacrifice my trip to Ireland next year to make sure I've got my ducks in a row.
In other news, I'm going to go see Stais in February. She may not want me, but dammit, I'm coming up anyway. I've got Dean Martin's "Baby, It's Cold Outside" running through my head. I might have to lay down until it passes.
Oh, and for all of you who need to bypass all that nasty verbal business when searching for a girl, get yourselves this cool new toy, and see just how lucky you get! Thanks Trainwreck!
| You Are 50% Weird |
 |
Of course, I'm a little upset that I'm not more bizarre, but what's a girl to do?
Work has just all around sucked. I had to have a feedback session with my employees to find out how they felt about me, and I can't say that I'm surprised, but it still sucks to know these people are intimidated by me. Pansies. I was pretty excited to find out that I had a few supporters in the group so things aren't as bad as they could be. We'll see. I'll be so happy though, when we finally get through this trial period bullshit and they stop comparing me to their last boss. Cause I've just about had it hearing his name. If he hadn't fucked the place up royally the first time, then I wouldn't have to be up their asses to fix it.
On a personal front, friends and family are seriously encouraging me to get my ass out. I want to, but I'm too damn stubborn to just pack up my cats and leave. I need to stick this out and see where it takes me. If I let this place beat me I will not be able to look myself in the face again. I really want a house though, I've fully come to that conclusion. Now I have to decide if I'm going to sacrifice my trip to Ireland next year to make sure I've got my ducks in a row.
In other news, I'm going to go see Stais in February. She may not want me, but dammit, I'm coming up anyway. I've got Dean Martin's "Baby, It's Cold Outside" running through my head. I might have to lay down until it passes.
Oh, and for all of you who need to bypass all that nasty verbal business when searching for a girl, get yourselves this cool new toy, and see just how lucky you get! Thanks Trainwreck!
Sunday, December 04, 2005
It's Official
I'm homesick. Of course, I don't know if it is a homesickness for a home, Kansas City or St. Louis. I know that I want a house, I want it so bad I can almost taste it. I'm sure Ive mentioned it before, a brick craftsman house with the big ass porch, lots of trees in the front yard, an older kitchen that I will regret getting because I have to replace every damn thing, creaky floor boards, and a place for me to plant my roses. I just don't know if I want this house to be here in Southern Indiana/Louisville, or if I should take my ass back to K.C. or if I should suck it up and more to St. Louis cause that is where my parents are.
I do know I'm tired of living in apartments/duplexes/townhouses. I'm tired of hearing the doors to the other apartments around me opening and closing; muffled conversations or music; worrying about whether or not I'm disturbing anyone when I'm up at 4:30 in the morning getting ready for work. I want to be irritated at myself because I haven't gotten up early enough to shovel the snow in my driveway.
Having said that, I just don't know where I want it to be. I've been considering living in Kansas City again. I've been talking to old friends out there and thinking about what it was like to live out there. The only problem is that I'm not sure if they really have any good brick craftsman houses and I know they don't have any old neighborhoods (and by old I don't mean 30 years, I'm talking centuries here), except for maybe in the city. I know I should move back to St. Louis, but, while my family is there, there isn't anything else there for me.
Who the hell knows?
I do know I'm tired of living in apartments/duplexes/townhouses. I'm tired of hearing the doors to the other apartments around me opening and closing; muffled conversations or music; worrying about whether or not I'm disturbing anyone when I'm up at 4:30 in the morning getting ready for work. I want to be irritated at myself because I haven't gotten up early enough to shovel the snow in my driveway.
Having said that, I just don't know where I want it to be. I've been considering living in Kansas City again. I've been talking to old friends out there and thinking about what it was like to live out there. The only problem is that I'm not sure if they really have any good brick craftsman houses and I know they don't have any old neighborhoods (and by old I don't mean 30 years, I'm talking centuries here), except for maybe in the city. I know I should move back to St. Louis, but, while my family is there, there isn't anything else there for me.
Who the hell knows?
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Still slacking
As my buddy Sethro pointed out, I am seriously slacking here. I wish I had fun, new or interesting things to post, but unfortunately, life is seriously dull around here. The only things that are full of energy are the kids, and even they are starting to slip a little.
Of course, I say this as I sit back with a margarita in hand. What a crappy week. If it weren't for the fact that I'm independently wealthy, I'd quit. The sad fact is that I have been working with the public for so long, I don't know that I even like people anymore. Black Friday sucked, and the month is going down hill from there. What is it with people around the holidays? Why on earth do they believe they are entitled to everything that isn't nailed down and then some? What on earth makes you more important than the guy standing next to you? People just get stupid around this time of year and all you can do is get yourself a watergun filled with ammonia to shoot at the really outrageous ones. The worst offenders need to be put in a timeout, perhaps a small room with more Ned Flanders than there are to count and left for a week.
Of course, the icing on the cake today is one of my employees telling a customer that I was mean to her. Of course, the customer then calls my boss to tell him I'm mean to my employees. And, your point? Here's a thought, if you hadn't fucked up, then I wouldn't have had to talk to you about it. Try not fucking up and blaming it on everyone else but yourself and we'll see how it goes. I'm not worried about what my boss has got to say, because, truthfully, if my employee feels like I'm picking on her, then I need to make sure she understands where I'm coming from, but holy hell. If someone has a problem with me, use that wily thing called a backbone and talk to me about it.
Here's what I don't understand. I stand about 5'10". I have the build of a feminine linebacker (I blame my dad who was a linebacker in college), I have a mouth to match, but my face is, what was it the last customer told me, youthful. (She said I looked 12, but youthful sounds better.) I'm not overly brash, but I will tell you exactly what I think. I enjoy laughing most of all, and can often be found chatting with employees or customers, laughing and enjoying the day. I swear, more people are intimidated by me than those who really know me. I personally don't understand. There is no reason for it. Regardless, no matter who the person is or what they look like, have the simple respect to talk to them about what you are feeling instead of whining to customers that you are being mistreated.
Ok. I think I feel better. Well, yes and no. I feel better for venting, but I'm still going to have to deal with it. And have another drink. Definately have another drink.
So, here is my stupid move for the week. There are several cops who come in my building all the time, all really nice guys. I'm standing outside this morning, poisoning myself, when a police car pulls over in front of me. I, of course, wave and walk over to say "Howdy". Yet, when I get there, the guy in front of me is no one I know and I have to scramble to start a conversation. I wasn't aware I could come off looking anymore lame than I did today. I wasn't even aware it was physically possible. I feel like an ass. I'm sure he thought I was throwing myself at him. Ohhh that was awkward. Damn I'm good.
And here is another pic of the girls, aren't they just adorable? Little hellions.....
Of course, I say this as I sit back with a margarita in hand. What a crappy week. If it weren't for the fact that I'm independently wealthy, I'd quit. The sad fact is that I have been working with the public for so long, I don't know that I even like people anymore. Black Friday sucked, and the month is going down hill from there. What is it with people around the holidays? Why on earth do they believe they are entitled to everything that isn't nailed down and then some? What on earth makes you more important than the guy standing next to you? People just get stupid around this time of year and all you can do is get yourself a watergun filled with ammonia to shoot at the really outrageous ones. The worst offenders need to be put in a timeout, perhaps a small room with more Ned Flanders than there are to count and left for a week.
Of course, the icing on the cake today is one of my employees telling a customer that I was mean to her. Of course, the customer then calls my boss to tell him I'm mean to my employees. And, your point? Here's a thought, if you hadn't fucked up, then I wouldn't have had to talk to you about it. Try not fucking up and blaming it on everyone else but yourself and we'll see how it goes. I'm not worried about what my boss has got to say, because, truthfully, if my employee feels like I'm picking on her, then I need to make sure she understands where I'm coming from, but holy hell. If someone has a problem with me, use that wily thing called a backbone and talk to me about it.
Here's what I don't understand. I stand about 5'10". I have the build of a feminine linebacker (I blame my dad who was a linebacker in college), I have a mouth to match, but my face is, what was it the last customer told me, youthful. (She said I looked 12, but youthful sounds better.) I'm not overly brash, but I will tell you exactly what I think. I enjoy laughing most of all, and can often be found chatting with employees or customers, laughing and enjoying the day. I swear, more people are intimidated by me than those who really know me. I personally don't understand. There is no reason for it. Regardless, no matter who the person is or what they look like, have the simple respect to talk to them about what you are feeling instead of whining to customers that you are being mistreated.
Ok. I think I feel better. Well, yes and no. I feel better for venting, but I'm still going to have to deal with it. And have another drink. Definately have another drink.
So, here is my stupid move for the week. There are several cops who come in my building all the time, all really nice guys. I'm standing outside this morning, poisoning myself, when a police car pulls over in front of me. I, of course, wave and walk over to say "Howdy". Yet, when I get there, the guy in front of me is no one I know and I have to scramble to start a conversation. I wasn't aware I could come off looking anymore lame than I did today. I wasn't even aware it was physically possible. I feel like an ass. I'm sure he thought I was throwing myself at him. Ohhh that was awkward. Damn I'm good.
And here is another pic of the girls, aren't they just adorable? Little hellions.....
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
Trying to get back into my groove.
I don't care what the people are thinking
I ain't drunk, I'm just drinking
First I need to apologize for slacking on my posts, still. I haven't had any motivation to really do any commenting. Just nothing to say, you know?
Things have been fairly sedate lately. It helps that I've come to some conclusions about what I want and what I'm going to get out of life. I'm going to be 33 in a couple of months and of cuorse I'm still single. In fact, I'll be having Thanksgiving with just my cats this year, as I have in years past, but usually I drive into St. Louie to see the family the weekend after T-day. Now that I have the girls, I'm leary about leaving them for a day or two when Dev still harbors visions of punting them over the balcony. So, for the first time ever, I will be making a Turkey and the fixins on thursday instead of making a frozen dinner. I've been thinking about doing this for a little bit, which I think is what prompted my next major decision - to buy a house. I know that a lot of other people have already done such, but this is a pretty big step for me. This means that I will be planting my ass in Louisville (technically Southern Indiana) for a while. This makes this move pretty permanent. I know what kind of house I want, a Craftsman, and there are a few in Louisville to be had. Stais is still pushing for me to move closer to Chicago, but I don't know that that is the right move for me. If I wanted to live closer to a big city, I'd move back to St. Louis, but there is no burning desire for me to move back there either.
I think as I realize that I probably won't be leaving this area anytime soon, I also realize that I may not realize why I'm out here. I'd been having deja vu pretty regularly for a while, with just little instances here and there, but then it just stopped. Then the other day I was at work and it came out of the blue, but I remembered when I first had the dream, I remember talking to Stais about the oddness of the dream, it was the strongest feeling I've had in the building and yet the most depressing. I realized that my life is going on track, jsut the way it is supposed to and I cannot believe how boring, solitary and isolated it is. So, now it is time to make it permanent, cause changing cities isn't necessarily going to make it better, I'm not dissatisfied enough with the company to change and I can't transfer cause I just got this damn building. Fate is a tricky bitch.
I had an odd dream last night. (Stais, don't even bother to read.) I dreamt that old friends of mine where all together, the old gang, without Judy (no loss) and we were going to live together in a big ole house. I was so excited. I remember seeing DJ and Chuckles and i just held on to them. Stais says this is cause I haven't gotten over DJ, but I think it just means I miss my friends. I fucked those relationships up but good and it is one of my main regrets. I don't think I'll ever find a group like that again, and I'm not sure I should. I woke up so excited this morning, and was so disappointed when I found out it was just a dream.
Oh well, I have to get on to work, and make a last minute trip to the grocery store to pick up the stuffing essentials, a meat thermometer and a couple of yams. The yams make the meal, you know.
I ain't drunk, I'm just drinking
First I need to apologize for slacking on my posts, still. I haven't had any motivation to really do any commenting. Just nothing to say, you know?
Things have been fairly sedate lately. It helps that I've come to some conclusions about what I want and what I'm going to get out of life. I'm going to be 33 in a couple of months and of cuorse I'm still single. In fact, I'll be having Thanksgiving with just my cats this year, as I have in years past, but usually I drive into St. Louie to see the family the weekend after T-day. Now that I have the girls, I'm leary about leaving them for a day or two when Dev still harbors visions of punting them over the balcony. So, for the first time ever, I will be making a Turkey and the fixins on thursday instead of making a frozen dinner. I've been thinking about doing this for a little bit, which I think is what prompted my next major decision - to buy a house. I know that a lot of other people have already done such, but this is a pretty big step for me. This means that I will be planting my ass in Louisville (technically Southern Indiana) for a while. This makes this move pretty permanent. I know what kind of house I want, a Craftsman, and there are a few in Louisville to be had. Stais is still pushing for me to move closer to Chicago, but I don't know that that is the right move for me. If I wanted to live closer to a big city, I'd move back to St. Louis, but there is no burning desire for me to move back there either.
I think as I realize that I probably won't be leaving this area anytime soon, I also realize that I may not realize why I'm out here. I'd been having deja vu pretty regularly for a while, with just little instances here and there, but then it just stopped. Then the other day I was at work and it came out of the blue, but I remembered when I first had the dream, I remember talking to Stais about the oddness of the dream, it was the strongest feeling I've had in the building and yet the most depressing. I realized that my life is going on track, jsut the way it is supposed to and I cannot believe how boring, solitary and isolated it is. So, now it is time to make it permanent, cause changing cities isn't necessarily going to make it better, I'm not dissatisfied enough with the company to change and I can't transfer cause I just got this damn building. Fate is a tricky bitch.
I had an odd dream last night. (Stais, don't even bother to read.) I dreamt that old friends of mine where all together, the old gang, without Judy (no loss) and we were going to live together in a big ole house. I was so excited. I remember seeing DJ and Chuckles and i just held on to them. Stais says this is cause I haven't gotten over DJ, but I think it just means I miss my friends. I fucked those relationships up but good and it is one of my main regrets. I don't think I'll ever find a group like that again, and I'm not sure I should. I woke up so excited this morning, and was so disappointed when I found out it was just a dream.
Oh well, I have to get on to work, and make a last minute trip to the grocery store to pick up the stuffing essentials, a meat thermometer and a couple of yams. The yams make the meal, you know.
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Floating in my own apathy
I've been terribly remiss. I haven't posted in at least a week. Sorry bout that. I can't say that I've been terribly busy, cause that would be a lie, but I haven't really had any desire to do anything. The girls have been terribly energetic, as kittens have a tendency to do. If they aren't kicking each other's butts around the apartment, they are eating and shitting. Apparently that is all they will really do for a while. That and tear things up around the place. I've bought entirely too many toys that they have torn to hell and back and they still aren't satisfied.
Of course, I could get them the toys a friend of mine found on the internet. But the visuals I get from that just scare the hell out of me.
Is it just me, or have the Black Friday ads started earlier this year? I'm afraid for next friday. Really really worried. The people I've encountered have been a special sort of stupid lately, I don't think it is going to get better just because they've eaten a large amount of turkey and watched football.
By the way, I've named the kittens. The tabby is Ginger and the calico is Grace.
They are cute as hell. And they are just as annoying.
Of course, I could get them the toys a friend of mine found on the internet. But the visuals I get from that just scare the hell out of me.
Is it just me, or have the Black Friday ads started earlier this year? I'm afraid for next friday. Really really worried. The people I've encountered have been a special sort of stupid lately, I don't think it is going to get better just because they've eaten a large amount of turkey and watched football.
By the way, I've named the kittens. The tabby is Ginger and the calico is Grace.
They are cute as hell. And they are just as annoying.
Saturday, November 05, 2005
The girls have arrived
I finally have been able to bring the girls home. They are the cutest things, and of course, Dev is furious with me and with them. He's ticked off at me for bringing them into the house and he just isn't giving them any sort of opportunity. Granted it has only been a couple of days, but I'm still hoping that he will get used to them. Right now I've got them cooped up in the spare bedroom, but they seem to be taking it pretty well. The tabby is Ginger and the calico is Grace.
Is it sad that this is my major event of the week?
Sunday, October 30, 2005
Where did you get those eyes?
What a wonderful day! Not that I did anything really important, but I so enjoyed doing nothing important. I did do lots of shopping this morning. On Friday I went out and added to the family, so I had to go get the supplies to keep the house clean and them happy. I hate going to shelters, but my own cat, Devil, has been so unhappy lately, that I had to do something. Of course, I went in with the intention of only getting one kitten, a female, but the girls had more than that on their mind. I saw this tabby cat, just the cutest thing and held her while she kept trying to burrow into my coat. This calico in the next cage however, just wouldn't let me out of her sight. So I ended up holding her too and now I've adopted both. They will get fixed and their shots next week and I should be able to get them back on Thursday. I'm not real sure how Dev is going to take it, but hopefully they will all get along.
I finished another afghan. I'm now into the 20s for afghans. I can't remember all the different ones I've made now. I'm going to ship this one off to a friend's mom. She recently sent me a housewarming gift so I have to reciprocate with a little something. This is the only thing I do that completely relaxes me. I've just finished that one and have already started another. The one I just finished is what you would call an extras blanket. All the colors are just extras you have of colors, not really enough to do a whole lot of anything. Except I went out and bought more. I swear it is like collecting for me. I need professional help.
Yes, it has been a really nice day. The weather has even cooperated. Pretty soon the weather will turn, but until then, I swear fall is my favorite season.
I finished another afghan. I'm now into the 20s for afghans. I can't remember all the different ones I've made now. I'm going to ship this one off to a friend's mom. She recently sent me a housewarming gift so I have to reciprocate with a little something. This is the only thing I do that completely relaxes me. I've just finished that one and have already started another. The one I just finished is what you would call an extras blanket. All the colors are just extras you have of colors, not really enough to do a whole lot of anything. Except I went out and bought more. I swear it is like collecting for me. I need professional help.Yes, it has been a really nice day. The weather has even cooperated. Pretty soon the weather will turn, but until then, I swear fall is my favorite season.
Monday, October 24, 2005
Scooby Doo Universe
I love this time of year simply because of all the Scooby Doo reruns that will be populating the Cartoon Network. I am a product of my childhood. I'm pretty proud of that. Scooby Doo rocks, I've a large soft spot for early alternative and I really miss all the camping trips my family took to Rend Lake when I was younger. I miss the old Justice League, no matter how cheesy they were, although the latest versions are cooler, more edgy.
This may be the reason I'm still single, however.
I should be getting ready for my trip to Cinci for the next couple of days, but I am so not motivated. Today was my vacation day and yet I spent much of it working on little things. It is enough to irritate, but what are you going to do. Maybe if I'm a very good girl I'll be able to get a few more days later in the year, but the way everything is working out, I probably won't have another vacation until my b-day in January. This is just sucking.
Of course, it is a business trip tomorrow, which isn't going to make it fun, but I'm driving up with a friend of work. Carpooling isn't bad, but being on the road for a couple of hours with someone you know only kind of well just doesn't make for wild and crazy times. I'm sure it will be fine. I just am ready for it to be done.
And just for those of you who believe there is no culture down here in Southern Indiana/Louisville area, this is proof that there is at least one nice place to eat, or so they say. I'm guessing this is the only way women could get their men to take them out to a "Nice Restaurant," by actually naming a restaurant that way. Imagination these people don't have. On top of that, it is in a strip mall.
Class people, pure class.
This may be the reason I'm still single, however.
I should be getting ready for my trip to Cinci for the next couple of days, but I am so not motivated. Today was my vacation day and yet I spent much of it working on little things. It is enough to irritate, but what are you going to do. Maybe if I'm a very good girl I'll be able to get a few more days later in the year, but the way everything is working out, I probably won't have another vacation until my b-day in January. This is just sucking.
Of course, it is a business trip tomorrow, which isn't going to make it fun, but I'm driving up with a friend of work. Carpooling isn't bad, but being on the road for a couple of hours with someone you know only kind of well just doesn't make for wild and crazy times. I'm sure it will be fine. I just am ready for it to be done.
And just for those of you who believe there is no culture down here in Southern Indiana/Louisville area, this is proof that there is at least one nice place to eat, or so they say. I'm guessing this is the only way women could get their men to take them out to a "Nice Restaurant," by actually naming a restaurant that way. Imagination these people don't have. On top of that, it is in a strip mall.
Class people, pure class.
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Slacking
I know I've been a little remiss about posting lately. I've been working so much, and then on top of that, I've been too tired to do much else but hold the cat and sleep.
Can't say that I've been doing all that much either. Wierd and funky dreams though. I've been having this dream that I'm wandering around lost in what has to be the largest mall ever. I'm not trapped, per se, just don't know where I'm going. And, to tell the truth, I don't know if I even know what I'm looking for. I've had this dream several times in the last few weeks. I'm sure it has some sort of twisted meaning, but I'm afraid to delve deeper. I just keep waking up disconcerted.
Of course Halloween has come up. I love the holiday, hate the temptation for candy. Not that I'm interested in a lot of varieties, but everytime the season swings around, I'm all about the Smarties. I'm very aware it is pure sugar, but there is something to be said about untwirling the ends and throwing a couple in your mouth.
I've made the decision to get another cat. My poor boy is desperate for companionship he is meowing at the cats that live downstairs through the rails on the balcony. I worry a little that he will try and figure out a way to jump and just try it to see if he makes it. So, I'm going to go to the local shelter and get a female a few years younger. There is this whole process however, that you have to go through to introduce the cats to each other. I'm trying to take a vacation in a couple weeks, so I will attempt this then. Wish me luck.
Of course, I'm also almost finished with the junk afghan I've been making. Now I'm going to have to come up with a different design and start all over again. The one I'm almost done with, though, is huge. It is wider than 6 ft and almost as tall as I am (5'10"). It isn't too bad at all. Maybe I can make it taller than me. I'll just keep plugging away.
Can't say that I've been doing all that much either. Wierd and funky dreams though. I've been having this dream that I'm wandering around lost in what has to be the largest mall ever. I'm not trapped, per se, just don't know where I'm going. And, to tell the truth, I don't know if I even know what I'm looking for. I've had this dream several times in the last few weeks. I'm sure it has some sort of twisted meaning, but I'm afraid to delve deeper. I just keep waking up disconcerted.
Of course Halloween has come up. I love the holiday, hate the temptation for candy. Not that I'm interested in a lot of varieties, but everytime the season swings around, I'm all about the Smarties. I'm very aware it is pure sugar, but there is something to be said about untwirling the ends and throwing a couple in your mouth.
I've made the decision to get another cat. My poor boy is desperate for companionship he is meowing at the cats that live downstairs through the rails on the balcony. I worry a little that he will try and figure out a way to jump and just try it to see if he makes it. So, I'm going to go to the local shelter and get a female a few years younger. There is this whole process however, that you have to go through to introduce the cats to each other. I'm trying to take a vacation in a couple weeks, so I will attempt this then. Wish me luck.
Of course, I'm also almost finished with the junk afghan I've been making. Now I'm going to have to come up with a different design and start all over again. The one I'm almost done with, though, is huge. It is wider than 6 ft and almost as tall as I am (5'10"). It isn't too bad at all. Maybe I can make it taller than me. I'll just keep plugging away.
Friday, October 14, 2005
Ahh revelation
So I finally figured out why I haven't heard from Bruno lately. Apparently he is seeing someone. Obviously that is not a bad thing, but wow, he didn't have the common courtesy to tell me that? That has to be the absolute worst thing about having friends, or making friends. If someone rejects you as a lover, then it is because there is something about the two of you that isn't jelling. I'm not saying it doesn't hurt like hell when it happens, I'm just saying for me it hurts less. When a friend drops you, they are rejecting something about your personality, the person you are. It isn't the way you kiss that turns them off, it isn't that you snore or fart in bed, it isn't that your family is insane, it is something about you, your soul, that they don't want to be connected to any longer.
Oh well. Just another life lesson, I guess. Amazing how things like that don't even hurt anymore. I guess my family and friends are right. I have absolutely no taste when it comes to bringing people into my life. I need a spotter.
Oh well. Just another life lesson, I guess. Amazing how things like that don't even hurt anymore. I guess my family and friends are right. I have absolutely no taste when it comes to bringing people into my life. I need a spotter.
Thursday, October 13, 2005
Laziness rules!
It has just been one of those days where you can't really work up the energy to get your ass up in the morning, then when you finally roll out of bed, the whole day is just too much to bear. I mean, if you can't find the energy to get out of bed, how the hell are you going to find the energy to work or drive or eat or do anything but sleep? I finally put those boss superpowers to work and left early. I'd feel bad, but I grabbed a sandwich, and slept disjointedly for a couple of hours. I still feel tired.
People are bizarre. Of course, this is the dowfall for working in retail, but I swear everyday I walk out of the building saying that I don't understand people. What is this need to tell me what the hell is wrong with your life? Did I ask? If you know it isn't my fault, then why the fuck are you yelling at me? Honestly, big corporations aren't out to get you, sometimes things fall through the cracks. There are evidences of this everywhere, including your wardrobe. Who dressed you this morning? And, while I'm at it, why the hell isn't there a fashion police force? I don't know who told women they could carry off animal prints, but they were wrong. And, since when did men wear lavender/pink/salmon on a regular basis. And who is making ties to match? If you can't find the time to shower and throw on some clean clothes before you walk out the door, don't bother coming here. No, I'm not your honey, but I can see where you would make that mistake (that applies to both men and women). Perhaps you'd like to get your teeth from the car and try that conversation again.
Okay. I'm better now. Well, not really, but I'll fake it. I can carry it off pretty well, too. I work in retail.
People are bizarre. Of course, this is the dowfall for working in retail, but I swear everyday I walk out of the building saying that I don't understand people. What is this need to tell me what the hell is wrong with your life? Did I ask? If you know it isn't my fault, then why the fuck are you yelling at me? Honestly, big corporations aren't out to get you, sometimes things fall through the cracks. There are evidences of this everywhere, including your wardrobe. Who dressed you this morning? And, while I'm at it, why the hell isn't there a fashion police force? I don't know who told women they could carry off animal prints, but they were wrong. And, since when did men wear lavender/pink/salmon on a regular basis. And who is making ties to match? If you can't find the time to shower and throw on some clean clothes before you walk out the door, don't bother coming here. No, I'm not your honey, but I can see where you would make that mistake (that applies to both men and women). Perhaps you'd like to get your teeth from the car and try that conversation again.
Okay. I'm better now. Well, not really, but I'll fake it. I can carry it off pretty well, too. I work in retail.
Sunday, October 09, 2005
I'm afraid of my future....
I've just had the week from hell. I'm really hoping it doesn't spill into this week. I wonder if there are some chicken bones I need to wave to make sure the bad luck doesn't follow me. I've been working my ass off recently, which just isn't my style, but what are you going to do when the devil is chasing you? I only got one day off this week, which completely sucks, and the fact that I have to do that next week as well just pisses me off. On top of that, there were more than a few days in there that I was working twelve hours straight. Being salary just doesn't pay. It would have been nice to get out for lunch, but apparently the universe or the company has me on a new diet.
It isn't just the job that is out to get me, I swear the people I work with most, customers, are out to get me as well. I had one tell me I was too mannish. which, after quelling the desire to do a quick extremity check, just threw me for a loop. Apparently she is the authority on what it takes to be feminine. As I didn't see that written anywhere on her, I wasn't aware of that until she lit into me. I was informed she was never coming back, but they keep coming in. Another one asked me what my IQ was. After informing him (around 140 according to the last test I took, although I've been drinking since then), he told me I was actually smarter than that, but I was dumb to be doing the job I was doing. "Why aren't you doing more with your life?" Geez, even my mother stopped doing that years ago.
The best is that my neighbors are trying to drive me insane as well. I got to sleep in yesterday morning (usually I have to be at work at 6 a.m.), but at 8 in the morning my doorbell goes off and wakes my ass out of bed. I stumble to the door in my robe, hair going everywhere and find Moe smoking a cigarette and drinking a Pepsi, all smiles, "Hey! What are you doing?" You know how men see women when they are PMSing? Hair on fire, eyes glowing red, complete with tail and pitchfork? I swear I morphed into that. I was so mad. I jumped his shit for ringing my doorbell at 8 a.m. and told him "Don't call me, I'll call you," although not quite succinctly. Who the hell comes calling on someone at 8 a.m. unless you are expected? I bet he wanted me to cook his ass breakfast. I'm seriously considering moving my ass to the deep country, and importing men when I have an itch to scratch. Although, my itches need to be scratched on a fairly regular basis, so I may have to imprison the best looking ones because I really don't believe in the catch and release system.
Then, to top it off, I've run out of Bailey's and Peppermint Schnapps. Dude, the whole world is against us.
On the flip side, I got the coolest thing in my email this week. The name part of it is cool too. My assistant sent it to me. He has just been popping up with cool little affirmations and words of wisdom lately. It seems he always knows just what I need to hear, whether or not I want to hear it. Kind of odd, but perhaps he knows more than I do right now, or he's just in my corner. Either way, I'll be glad when he comes back to work tomorrow. He's been on vacation and the week has been hell without him.
Things are looking up though. If the game was just played down here, life would be pretty damn close to perfect.
It isn't just the job that is out to get me, I swear the people I work with most, customers, are out to get me as well. I had one tell me I was too mannish. which, after quelling the desire to do a quick extremity check, just threw me for a loop. Apparently she is the authority on what it takes to be feminine. As I didn't see that written anywhere on her, I wasn't aware of that until she lit into me. I was informed she was never coming back, but they keep coming in. Another one asked me what my IQ was. After informing him (around 140 according to the last test I took, although I've been drinking since then), he told me I was actually smarter than that, but I was dumb to be doing the job I was doing. "Why aren't you doing more with your life?" Geez, even my mother stopped doing that years ago.
The best is that my neighbors are trying to drive me insane as well. I got to sleep in yesterday morning (usually I have to be at work at 6 a.m.), but at 8 in the morning my doorbell goes off and wakes my ass out of bed. I stumble to the door in my robe, hair going everywhere and find Moe smoking a cigarette and drinking a Pepsi, all smiles, "Hey! What are you doing?" You know how men see women when they are PMSing? Hair on fire, eyes glowing red, complete with tail and pitchfork? I swear I morphed into that. I was so mad. I jumped his shit for ringing my doorbell at 8 a.m. and told him "Don't call me, I'll call you," although not quite succinctly. Who the hell comes calling on someone at 8 a.m. unless you are expected? I bet he wanted me to cook his ass breakfast. I'm seriously considering moving my ass to the deep country, and importing men when I have an itch to scratch. Although, my itches need to be scratched on a fairly regular basis, so I may have to imprison the best looking ones because I really don't believe in the catch and release system.
Then, to top it off, I've run out of Bailey's and Peppermint Schnapps. Dude, the whole world is against us.
On the flip side, I got the coolest thing in my email this week. The name part of it is cool too. My assistant sent it to me. He has just been popping up with cool little affirmations and words of wisdom lately. It seems he always knows just what I need to hear, whether or not I want to hear it. Kind of odd, but perhaps he knows more than I do right now, or he's just in my corner. Either way, I'll be glad when he comes back to work tomorrow. He's been on vacation and the week has been hell without him.
Things are looking up though. If the game was just played down here, life would be pretty damn close to perfect.
Thursday, October 06, 2005
Rebellion
I have finally taken control of my hair. I whacked it all off. Easily 4 or 5 inches off. I'm so excited. I was running errands today and just ducked into a salon. This is the shortest I've had it in some years, and I feel so free.
Of course, running errands wasn't what I should be doing, but hey, what are you going to do? I need to get my ass in gear and finishing doing my business review for work, but I really have no motivation. Although, there is that motivation of keeping my job. Yea, I probably should get on that soon.
Is anyone else tired of the eharmony commercials? Holy mackerel! I am so tired of seeing that old guy telling me how to find my perfect partner. He always looks so happy, like he just got a hummer by a twenty year old right before he taped the commercial. While, no, I don't believe my soul mate is going to pop up at my door tomorrow, I also don't believe he is waiting at eharmony for me to pop up. Plus, do you know how flipping expensive it is? I speak from experience, as I tried it out for 3 months for $200. What an incredible waste of time and anticipation. But I'm not bitter. Honest.
Of course, running errands wasn't what I should be doing, but hey, what are you going to do? I need to get my ass in gear and finishing doing my business review for work, but I really have no motivation. Although, there is that motivation of keeping my job. Yea, I probably should get on that soon.
Is anyone else tired of the eharmony commercials? Holy mackerel! I am so tired of seeing that old guy telling me how to find my perfect partner. He always looks so happy, like he just got a hummer by a twenty year old right before he taped the commercial. While, no, I don't believe my soul mate is going to pop up at my door tomorrow, I also don't believe he is waiting at eharmony for me to pop up. Plus, do you know how flipping expensive it is? I speak from experience, as I tried it out for 3 months for $200. What an incredible waste of time and anticipation. But I'm not bitter. Honest.
Sunday, October 02, 2005
Spoiled Rotten
Life really isn't that bad, ya know. Granted I have no friends in town, I'm working entirely too much, and my cat is the only thing I can stand to have around me all the time, but really things aren't going that bad. If you give me a couple of minutes, I'm sure I can find that silver lining. Hang on, I'm still looking. Oh, I know. I've figured out how close I actually live to the Ohio. It is just about ten minutes on back roads to the river. I have never lived this close to a major river before, and I have to admit it is really cool. I got up late this morning so I didn't get any shots of the sun coming up, but it was still cool as hell to drive down there this morning. It isn't nearly as wide as the Mississippi, but it is still relatively cool.
I came to a relatively ugly conclusion the other day, well I guess that is all relative. I haven't heard from Bruno in quite sometime, correct? Well, what if he views me the same way I view Merle? I don't have the cojones to tell Merle, "Look, I'm sure you are a good guy, but I find you creepy and shallow and I don't really want to be your friend," so what if that is how Bruno sees me? I understand now. So, I've deleted his number, his email and all that other crap because I don't want to be tempted to keep walking into that brick wall. The kicker of it is it used to be so devastating when a friend dropped me, but apparently I'm growing again, because now I see it as an evolution of me. I still don't know what his purpose in my life was, but I guess he fulfilled it. A hit and run friendship. I've decided to pull back a lot recently as well. I'm not calling friends or family nearly as much as I used to. It isn't their jobs to keep me sane and happy, it is mine. Fall is here and winter is coming and I can just sit at home, reading books and crocheting my little heart out while I gear up for spring to shed. I know it makes no sense to anyone else, but all of this makes complete sense to me. Whatever is coming, I feel I'm ready for it.
On a lighter note, I've been completely spoiled by a friend who sent me a care package. Saltwater taffy from Silver Dollar City, and plates and mugs with cats on them. I'll probably call her tonight to thank her and catch up with her life.
The air is getting cooler.
I came to a relatively ugly conclusion the other day, well I guess that is all relative. I haven't heard from Bruno in quite sometime, correct? Well, what if he views me the same way I view Merle? I don't have the cojones to tell Merle, "Look, I'm sure you are a good guy, but I find you creepy and shallow and I don't really want to be your friend," so what if that is how Bruno sees me? I understand now. So, I've deleted his number, his email and all that other crap because I don't want to be tempted to keep walking into that brick wall. The kicker of it is it used to be so devastating when a friend dropped me, but apparently I'm growing again, because now I see it as an evolution of me. I still don't know what his purpose in my life was, but I guess he fulfilled it. A hit and run friendship. I've decided to pull back a lot recently as well. I'm not calling friends or family nearly as much as I used to. It isn't their jobs to keep me sane and happy, it is mine. Fall is here and winter is coming and I can just sit at home, reading books and crocheting my little heart out while I gear up for spring to shed. I know it makes no sense to anyone else, but all of this makes complete sense to me. Whatever is coming, I feel I'm ready for it.
On a lighter note, I've been completely spoiled by a friend who sent me a care package. Saltwater taffy from Silver Dollar City, and plates and mugs with cats on them. I'll probably call her tonight to thank her and catch up with her life.
The air is getting cooler.
Friday, September 30, 2005
Everyone needs something
Fall has arrived, thank the gods. The morning air is cool, the afternoons are still tolerable and the evenings require a sweatshirt over your jean shorts. This is the perfect time of year. In fact, I got to sleep in the morning, as much as the cat would let me, and tuck myself under the covers.
I feel so leisurely decadent this morning. I got up when I wanted to, I made a pot of coffee, actually walked on the treadmill this morning and worked up a sweat, took a cool shower and am just hanging out in the living room, watching the cat play with catnip, feeling the breeze come in from outside and listening to music. I have to go to work in a couple of hours and I just don't care. Eventually I will get dressed, and walk out the door, but until then, I'm just chillen and loving it.
Work has been a trial lately, but I'm getting used to the pace. Now, if I can just master getting things done as well, life will be close to perfect in that realm of my life. The other pieces are still hard to get used to. My next door neighbor (no, not Moe but I don't know what to call this guy yet) has been outside the last couple of nights grilling when I step out to catch a cigarette. There has got to be something wrong with him or something wrong with me. He doesn't listen to a damn word I say and I often have to repeat myself, which is beginning to be annoying. I'm thinking that he just isn't listening, but it could be that I'm so boring that he can't bring himself to listen. Either way, he and I were talking (read he was complaining about his 14 year old son again) and he decided I need to come over and have dinner with him some night. I left it open, but I really don't want to.
I've changed in the last few weeks. I'm tired of listening to people tell me what is wrong with their lives without giving a shit about mine. I've been so used to doing it I automatically do it with every friendship I have, but no more. I want the person to be interested in me, not just my ears dammit. I'm not going to settle for anything less either. I mean, hell, someone has got to find me interesting.
Somewhere.
Right?
I feel so leisurely decadent this morning. I got up when I wanted to, I made a pot of coffee, actually walked on the treadmill this morning and worked up a sweat, took a cool shower and am just hanging out in the living room, watching the cat play with catnip, feeling the breeze come in from outside and listening to music. I have to go to work in a couple of hours and I just don't care. Eventually I will get dressed, and walk out the door, but until then, I'm just chillen and loving it.
Work has been a trial lately, but I'm getting used to the pace. Now, if I can just master getting things done as well, life will be close to perfect in that realm of my life. The other pieces are still hard to get used to. My next door neighbor (no, not Moe but I don't know what to call this guy yet) has been outside the last couple of nights grilling when I step out to catch a cigarette. There has got to be something wrong with him or something wrong with me. He doesn't listen to a damn word I say and I often have to repeat myself, which is beginning to be annoying. I'm thinking that he just isn't listening, but it could be that I'm so boring that he can't bring himself to listen. Either way, he and I were talking (read he was complaining about his 14 year old son again) and he decided I need to come over and have dinner with him some night. I left it open, but I really don't want to.
I've changed in the last few weeks. I'm tired of listening to people tell me what is wrong with their lives without giving a shit about mine. I've been so used to doing it I automatically do it with every friendship I have, but no more. I want the person to be interested in me, not just my ears dammit. I'm not going to settle for anything less either. I mean, hell, someone has got to find me interesting.
Somewhere.
Right?
Monday, September 26, 2005
Bad Signs
Should I take it as a bad sign that ladybugs have flocked to my door? I have no less than 5 ladybugs on my door and two in the house. I can't remember how that works.
I've been bad recently. I went out and got a ipod shuffle. Here I am again, spending money I shouldn't be spending for a toy. This one doesn't even have any vibration. It does, however, have a wicked cool sound to it.
I'm getting a day off tomorrow. I'm so happy about that. I was running on fumes today. I still didn't walk out the door on time, but I didn't stay as late as my new assistant either. I'm just happy I don't have to be at work at 6 a.m. tomorrow. I'm all about sleeping in, but I'm sure I will be up early anyway. I have to hit the store and pick up some crochet hooks. I seem to have lost mine in the the move. I still have boxes all over the apartment too. This place is a wreck. I'm sure I'm also going to use the day to clean up a little.
One of my old associates called me yesterday. She wanted to let me know she'd seen Bruno on tv talking about a haunted house. Two days before that I heard him on the radio talking about the same damn house and today in the paper he was giving yet another interview about the house. Technically it is a haunted building, but who am I to quibble? I swear the universe pisses me off sometimes. If he and I aren't meant to be friends, or I'm not to play a role in his life, then why does he keep popping up every damn place? It isn't like these aren't things that I could be missing. Life is a matter of moments all strung together, hasn't someone said that? They are often and easily missed moments as well as connections. Why can't I be missing these moments? All it does is emphasize to me that I'm fucking up again in trying to find friends. I can't find people down here to make a connection with that don't work with me or for me.
There is a point. There is a point. There is a point. The fates have to have more to do than just fuck with my life. Don't they?
I've been bad recently. I went out and got a ipod shuffle. Here I am again, spending money I shouldn't be spending for a toy. This one doesn't even have any vibration. It does, however, have a wicked cool sound to it.
I'm getting a day off tomorrow. I'm so happy about that. I was running on fumes today. I still didn't walk out the door on time, but I didn't stay as late as my new assistant either. I'm just happy I don't have to be at work at 6 a.m. tomorrow. I'm all about sleeping in, but I'm sure I will be up early anyway. I have to hit the store and pick up some crochet hooks. I seem to have lost mine in the the move. I still have boxes all over the apartment too. This place is a wreck. I'm sure I'm also going to use the day to clean up a little.
One of my old associates called me yesterday. She wanted to let me know she'd seen Bruno on tv talking about a haunted house. Two days before that I heard him on the radio talking about the same damn house and today in the paper he was giving yet another interview about the house. Technically it is a haunted building, but who am I to quibble? I swear the universe pisses me off sometimes. If he and I aren't meant to be friends, or I'm not to play a role in his life, then why does he keep popping up every damn place? It isn't like these aren't things that I could be missing. Life is a matter of moments all strung together, hasn't someone said that? They are often and easily missed moments as well as connections. Why can't I be missing these moments? All it does is emphasize to me that I'm fucking up again in trying to find friends. I can't find people down here to make a connection with that don't work with me or for me.
There is a point. There is a point. There is a point. The fates have to have more to do than just fuck with my life. Don't they?
Sunday, September 25, 2005
Lost Cause
Just a quick note before I go back into work - people in general suck. I've been thinking about this for a little while, and this is my conclusion. I'd like to be a glass is half full kind of girl, but day in and day out, people pretty much suck.
I only say this because I'm lucky to have exceptions float in and out of my life. Yesterday was a real downer of a day. At the end, I had this woman pretty much tell me that because I'm single I don't know how to deal with customers, especially men. There is a whole back story here, but the gist of it, I'm not feminine enough, in her opinion. Her rant ate at me for a few hours last night, and then one of my co-workers called me. I didn't catch the phone in time, but the message he left made me smile. He was going on about how he'd heard I was too manish, and if I was going to finally try and be feminine, to keep in mind the skirt I wore was in code. I laughed for ten minutes.
When sucky people are the rule, it is the exceptions that will always come up and surprise you.
I had no idea I was that lucky.
I only say this because I'm lucky to have exceptions float in and out of my life. Yesterday was a real downer of a day. At the end, I had this woman pretty much tell me that because I'm single I don't know how to deal with customers, especially men. There is a whole back story here, but the gist of it, I'm not feminine enough, in her opinion. Her rant ate at me for a few hours last night, and then one of my co-workers called me. I didn't catch the phone in time, but the message he left made me smile. He was going on about how he'd heard I was too manish, and if I was going to finally try and be feminine, to keep in mind the skirt I wore was in code. I laughed for ten minutes.
When sucky people are the rule, it is the exceptions that will always come up and surprise you.
I had no idea I was that lucky.
Thursday, September 22, 2005
Holy Hell, it is a Southern Thing
Ok, so apparently I was wrong. Hanging pictures is a prelude to sex! Only in the south people, only in the south. Pay attention to the last part of this guy's blog.
Nothing's gonna change my world
I'm so not a very nice person. And I'm going to hell. Probably at the same time. I ran into Moe in the parking lot a couple of days ago. I was on my way to work and he was coming out of his place at the same time. We exchanged small talk and I went on my way. Though that isn't the reason I'm going to hell. Nope, the idiot just walked up to my front door and wanted to come in. I told him it wasn't a good time and he assumed I'd been taking a nap. The real reason I didn't want him coming in was because I was watching an old episode of MASH and I didn't want to miss it. I ran with the sleeping thing and told him I would be by on Sunday. Course, I'm working all day Sunday, but he doesn't know that. It also doesn't help that the apartment looks like a tornado swept through it. Clothes are everywhere. I haven't even had a shower and I feel like something you've scraped off the street. I'd feel worse about it, but he says, as he's apologizing for waking me up, "I thought I'd come over and you could cook dinner." What the fuck? I've heard of people inviting themselves over for dinner, but not before it is made! I swear I don't understand this guy. 
Trainwreck sent me some pics of KC. I think I miss the town a little bit. Especially images like this. There may not be much to KC in terms of landscape, but when the sun comes up, the whole world can see it in Kansas City. Apparently he also believes I should be in Chicago, but it really is a moot point now. I've already taken the new position and I can't exactly up and move. Plus, there is still potential here. I just haven't found it yet. I always had a good time with Trainwreck though when we'd go hunting for pics or just hanging out. He is one of my friends that enjoys life for what it is. He even posts his pics online here. I visit it from time to time to remember what Kansas is like, and sometimes to remind myself why I left.
Work has been crazy busy. Today was my day off and I spent the whole damn day at my old building. But we got everything audited. So that helps, a little, although I'm having difficulty caring. I'm working this weekend too, which completely bites. Oh well, I have to get used to doing things the hard way. My boss dropped by yesterday too. Kept saying, "I hope you are half as excited about this opportunity as I'm excited for you." Then he started talking about what an great opportunity I have to move up if I do well, because, "you know, there aren't that many women in your position in our company. You could really take off if you do well here." Why, yes, I'm well aware that my tits help me, but is my boss really supposed to point that out? I'm really not sure. The worst part is that I don't know how to take what he said. It could be that he is just speaking plainly (which I prefer), and stating the obvious. It does say something that I was given this position. My chest didn't get me this job, my talents did, which makes me feel better about what he said. And, yes, I know that it would look good for the company to promote me because a good portion of the company does reside on Mars, but that wouldn't diminish all the hard work I'm going to have to do to get there. And, on top of that, I don't know if that is what I want. I have too much crap on my plate now. I can't think about this.
I was talking to a friend today. He was going on about needing to find out what he wants to do with life. He is stressing about work, kicking thoughts around his head, trying to find what makes him happy. I sat and listened because that was what he needed most. I offered a few meaningless words and tried to help but I really couldn't. The problem is how many of us are really happy? How do we find what makes us happy? Not that I'm dissatisfied with where I am now, (which we all know I am), but how does one go about finding the thing that makes him or her happy? When I changed buildings, I was offered a severance package, or I could take the building I'm in. It wasn't forever long, but it was enough to make me stop and think. The only problem is I would have no idea what I would do with my life. I don't think I could go back and dust off my journalism degree and start at the bottom. I'm not even sure I can even write anymore.
Which brings me to my next mental dilemna. My mother is writing a book. The woman is incredibly talented at most everything she touches. She is an artist with fabric and now she is writing. Don't get me wrong, I love my mother very much. Our relationship gets stronger now that I've gotten older and we know how to deal with one another. Yet, my ego is still having trouble with the fact that my mother is more talented all around than I am. I thought I had skills, but I've been shown up. Of course, I've never said anything along these lines to her, and I am so very proud of her. But it all goes back to being happy. It has taken her to her mid 50s to find happiness and contentment with what she is doing. Do I have to wait that long? I'm not sure I will make it. I keep thinking of Steve Martin calling home to tell his mother he had finally found his "special purpose". When will I be able to do that, or will I ever? Is my lesson this trip to learn to love mediocrity? The day to day grind?
Pass the Baileys.
Trainwreck sent me some pics of KC. I think I miss the town a little bit. Especially images like this. There may not be much to KC in terms of landscape, but when the sun comes up, the whole world can see it in Kansas City. Apparently he also believes I should be in Chicago, but it really is a moot point now. I've already taken the new position and I can't exactly up and move. Plus, there is still potential here. I just haven't found it yet. I always had a good time with Trainwreck though when we'd go hunting for pics or just hanging out. He is one of my friends that enjoys life for what it is. He even posts his pics online here. I visit it from time to time to remember what Kansas is like, and sometimes to remind myself why I left.
Work has been crazy busy. Today was my day off and I spent the whole damn day at my old building. But we got everything audited. So that helps, a little, although I'm having difficulty caring. I'm working this weekend too, which completely bites. Oh well, I have to get used to doing things the hard way. My boss dropped by yesterday too. Kept saying, "I hope you are half as excited about this opportunity as I'm excited for you." Then he started talking about what an great opportunity I have to move up if I do well, because, "you know, there aren't that many women in your position in our company. You could really take off if you do well here." Why, yes, I'm well aware that my tits help me, but is my boss really supposed to point that out? I'm really not sure. The worst part is that I don't know how to take what he said. It could be that he is just speaking plainly (which I prefer), and stating the obvious. It does say something that I was given this position. My chest didn't get me this job, my talents did, which makes me feel better about what he said. And, yes, I know that it would look good for the company to promote me because a good portion of the company does reside on Mars, but that wouldn't diminish all the hard work I'm going to have to do to get there. And, on top of that, I don't know if that is what I want. I have too much crap on my plate now. I can't think about this.
I was talking to a friend today. He was going on about needing to find out what he wants to do with life. He is stressing about work, kicking thoughts around his head, trying to find what makes him happy. I sat and listened because that was what he needed most. I offered a few meaningless words and tried to help but I really couldn't. The problem is how many of us are really happy? How do we find what makes us happy? Not that I'm dissatisfied with where I am now, (which we all know I am), but how does one go about finding the thing that makes him or her happy? When I changed buildings, I was offered a severance package, or I could take the building I'm in. It wasn't forever long, but it was enough to make me stop and think. The only problem is I would have no idea what I would do with my life. I don't think I could go back and dust off my journalism degree and start at the bottom. I'm not even sure I can even write anymore.
Which brings me to my next mental dilemna. My mother is writing a book. The woman is incredibly talented at most everything she touches. She is an artist with fabric and now she is writing. Don't get me wrong, I love my mother very much. Our relationship gets stronger now that I've gotten older and we know how to deal with one another. Yet, my ego is still having trouble with the fact that my mother is more talented all around than I am. I thought I had skills, but I've been shown up. Of course, I've never said anything along these lines to her, and I am so very proud of her. But it all goes back to being happy. It has taken her to her mid 50s to find happiness and contentment with what she is doing. Do I have to wait that long? I'm not sure I will make it. I keep thinking of Steve Martin calling home to tell his mother he had finally found his "special purpose". When will I be able to do that, or will I ever? Is my lesson this trip to learn to love mediocrity? The day to day grind?
Pass the Baileys.
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Even Santa Claus Believes In You
I have a secret. Not like all of us don't have some sort of secret, hence the writing of blogs bitching about what is going on in our lives without really revealing who we are, but I digress. There are certain songs/soundtracks/artists that I will listen to just to move me out of - or put me into whatever mood I need to be in. These tend to be off the beaten path type songs. They are my guilty pleasure. It isn't because the melody is especially well written, but the sentiment behind the words that drives me.
I've had such a hard time at work lately that I've needed to hear music that soothes me, as well as inspires me. In fact, I've played "Walking in Memphis" so many times lately that I actually know the whole damn thing. Between that one, "Big Time" by Big & Rich, "Feel Good Inc" by Gorillaz, as well as "Ain't No Sunshine" by Bill Withers and "I Ain't Drunk" by Albert Collins, I've been lulling myself into a false sense of security walking out of my building. I keep pretending I'm not losing my mind, but I'm afraid my subconscious knows better. I'm not sleeping well at night, dreaming about work and all the things that are going wrong. One of my employees called me earlier in fact to inform me that my boss will be stopping by tomorrow. My biggest concern right now isn't that he is coming by, but that I'm not sure if I can control my tongue if he gets on my nerves. Wish me luck.
I got on the treadmill today after work. I was trying to walk away from my stress at work. I think it helped a little. After all, my carrot after using the treadmill was a margarita. I think it is time to make another.
By the way, I'm not going to reveal the artist who helped me today. Suffice to say, the title is an obscure verse. But it makes me feel good to know that. Although, I'm not sure if I should be reassured that a mythic figure believes in me. I'm more afraid that he is the only one who does. Even the cat is having doubts.
I've had such a hard time at work lately that I've needed to hear music that soothes me, as well as inspires me. In fact, I've played "Walking in Memphis" so many times lately that I actually know the whole damn thing. Between that one, "Big Time" by Big & Rich, "Feel Good Inc" by Gorillaz, as well as "Ain't No Sunshine" by Bill Withers and "I Ain't Drunk" by Albert Collins, I've been lulling myself into a false sense of security walking out of my building. I keep pretending I'm not losing my mind, but I'm afraid my subconscious knows better. I'm not sleeping well at night, dreaming about work and all the things that are going wrong. One of my employees called me earlier in fact to inform me that my boss will be stopping by tomorrow. My biggest concern right now isn't that he is coming by, but that I'm not sure if I can control my tongue if he gets on my nerves. Wish me luck.
I got on the treadmill today after work. I was trying to walk away from my stress at work. I think it helped a little. After all, my carrot after using the treadmill was a margarita. I think it is time to make another.
By the way, I'm not going to reveal the artist who helped me today. Suffice to say, the title is an obscure verse. But it makes me feel good to know that. Although, I'm not sure if I should be reassured that a mythic figure believes in me. I'm more afraid that he is the only one who does. Even the cat is having doubts.
Sunday, September 18, 2005
Something in the air
Don't you hate that feeling of anticipation? That vague feeling that something you have no control over is creeping into your life, plotting when the best time is to smack you upside your head? You can almost smell the trouble standing outside your door. It is a combination of stale sweat, loud cologne and grease. The smell isn't brimstone, but if you stand very carefully in the right spot, you can still smell something burning, like a cigarette left by your bedroom window with no one standing there. Your heart races while you try and figure out clues that have no puzzle. I half expect a raven to fly into my house spouting enigmatic words.
I hate the anticipation. I hate that I can't see the events that will be transpiring in short order. I have no control of that. The unknown doesn't completely scare me, but it frustrates the hell out of me. I have to react to these things as they happen, and I'm scared I won't react correctly.
I was talking to Stais earlier tonight. She's scared of failing at work. I told her that because she is a fucking genius (which she is, by the by, irritates the hell out of me that I'm not nearly as smart as she is) she will figure out the best way to do her job. What I forgot to tell her is that everybody has to screw up sometime. It is one of the best ways to learn. No matter how much we don't want to screw up because it peaks our pride, and has the potential to make us look stupid, we all come out better for it. Not one of us learned to walk immediately. We took spills and fell on our ass, but we didn't care because something drove us to get up and try again. How many of us can say the same thing as adults? In fact, Stais called me on it earlier. Told me that I was looking for instant intimacy by sleeping with guys immediately. I didn't want to wait to learn about the person, I just want it to be right, right away. Is that what I've learned from all my relationships that have failed? Fuck 'em first so they can't decide later that there really is something about you they don't like? What is it I'm scared of? Falling on my ass time and time again in front of someone I want to impress?
So now I have a new challenge. Which sucks because I hate challenges, but now I have to try and go through the dances with meeting people and not sleeping with them. Not even a kiss. No more instant gratification. Which, of course, means I will have to buy lots of batteries. Maybe I'll have to get some of those rechargeable deals. Ahhh learning, I'm too old for this shit.
An update of my pitiful social life will be brief:
I still haven't heard from Bruno. Of course, I'm still not chasing him either. He is busy in his "season" and I'm not going to interrupt that. Of course, it may also be that he really wasn't interested in me as a friend at all, but if I think about that too long, it will just depress me, so I'm going to believe he just doesn't have time for me. Not sure, though, which one hurts less.
Saw Big D today. I had to go into my old building because a sewer line backed up and flooded a bunch of buildings around there. He was part of the team to assess the damage. He walked past me and I asked him if this was all his fault. He said no, and then said he had been trying to find some pictures to hang. He's driving that particular joke into the ground at this point. If I see him tomorrow, I think I'm going to remind him that hanging pictures didn't get anyone anything. I can't tell if he is flirting or just clueless. Trust me to pick winners. My sister Aimes, said I have no taste when it comes to picking friends. Stais agrees. Maybe there is a training course I need to go through. Something so I don't feel so incompetent.
I hate the anticipation. I hate that I can't see the events that will be transpiring in short order. I have no control of that. The unknown doesn't completely scare me, but it frustrates the hell out of me. I have to react to these things as they happen, and I'm scared I won't react correctly.
I was talking to Stais earlier tonight. She's scared of failing at work. I told her that because she is a fucking genius (which she is, by the by, irritates the hell out of me that I'm not nearly as smart as she is) she will figure out the best way to do her job. What I forgot to tell her is that everybody has to screw up sometime. It is one of the best ways to learn. No matter how much we don't want to screw up because it peaks our pride, and has the potential to make us look stupid, we all come out better for it. Not one of us learned to walk immediately. We took spills and fell on our ass, but we didn't care because something drove us to get up and try again. How many of us can say the same thing as adults? In fact, Stais called me on it earlier. Told me that I was looking for instant intimacy by sleeping with guys immediately. I didn't want to wait to learn about the person, I just want it to be right, right away. Is that what I've learned from all my relationships that have failed? Fuck 'em first so they can't decide later that there really is something about you they don't like? What is it I'm scared of? Falling on my ass time and time again in front of someone I want to impress?
So now I have a new challenge. Which sucks because I hate challenges, but now I have to try and go through the dances with meeting people and not sleeping with them. Not even a kiss. No more instant gratification. Which, of course, means I will have to buy lots of batteries. Maybe I'll have to get some of those rechargeable deals. Ahhh learning, I'm too old for this shit.
An update of my pitiful social life will be brief:
I still haven't heard from Bruno. Of course, I'm still not chasing him either. He is busy in his "season" and I'm not going to interrupt that. Of course, it may also be that he really wasn't interested in me as a friend at all, but if I think about that too long, it will just depress me, so I'm going to believe he just doesn't have time for me. Not sure, though, which one hurts less.
Saw Big D today. I had to go into my old building because a sewer line backed up and flooded a bunch of buildings around there. He was part of the team to assess the damage. He walked past me and I asked him if this was all his fault. He said no, and then said he had been trying to find some pictures to hang. He's driving that particular joke into the ground at this point. If I see him tomorrow, I think I'm going to remind him that hanging pictures didn't get anyone anything. I can't tell if he is flirting or just clueless. Trust me to pick winners. My sister Aimes, said I have no taste when it comes to picking friends. Stais agrees. Maybe there is a training course I need to go through. Something so I don't feel so incompetent.
Friday, September 16, 2005
I'm weak, weak I tell you
I have finally broken down and made the chex mix. Of course, it isn't nearly as good as my aunt's, but I guess I'll just have to keep trying. Ah the trauma of cooking.
Didn't make it to Moe's today. Think I'm going to have to do it tomorrow. I have to do some work tomorrow anyway, so I might as well grab what I want for lunch.
Another Friday night at home. Can't say that I'm really upset about that. I'm trying to rearrange my Fridays so that I'm working later. This way I can stay out later on Thursdays. The method to my madness? There is a blues bar that has a special on Thursdays. Again with meeting people thing, although the main reason is so that I can listen to my music live.
Next week is my first week in the new location. Mostly new people (at least new to me), new building and new challenges. I don't know that I'm ready for new challenges. I think I'll be hiding under my covers this weekend. Maybe if I'm very lucky, no one will come looking for me.
Didn't make it to Moe's today. Think I'm going to have to do it tomorrow. I have to do some work tomorrow anyway, so I might as well grab what I want for lunch.
Another Friday night at home. Can't say that I'm really upset about that. I'm trying to rearrange my Fridays so that I'm working later. This way I can stay out later on Thursdays. The method to my madness? There is a blues bar that has a special on Thursdays. Again with meeting people thing, although the main reason is so that I can listen to my music live.
Next week is my first week in the new location. Mostly new people (at least new to me), new building and new challenges. I don't know that I'm ready for new challenges. I think I'll be hiding under my covers this weekend. Maybe if I'm very lucky, no one will come looking for me.
All Shall Be Well
Everyone must bow down to Pete Townsend! Ok, maybe not so much with the bowing, but learn to appreciate! I'm not even talking the early stuff, I've been listening to the soundtrack for Iron Man and bouncing all around the place.
"I was naked and dreaming behind locked doors,
still hearing me screaming 'Take me I'm yours!'"
My week is finally over! I'd jump for joy, but I think the stress has bent my back into a new shape. Ah well. Such is life. Although, I'm a little worried about my mental status when I woke up excited this morning cause I'm gonna get to go to Moe's for a burrito. It is my weakness. My kryptonite I guess you could say. Not to say going to Moe's is an event, just that I'll be in that part of town today and I've been looking forward to it. I know, it is a sickness, but what are ya going to do?
I was all about sleeping in this morning, but alas and alak, I woke up at 5:30 a.m. anyway and then the cat wouldn't let me fall totally back asleep. And, I swear you have the wierdest dreams when all you can do is catch snatches of sleep. You know, those odd dreams that combine your fears about work and life with sitcom television? Where you're running down a hallway naked, and then Hugh Laurie shows up and starts telling you about why you aren't really sick? I can't be the only one that happens to.
Work took a new and ironic turn today. I've been spending the majority of the day at home, but got a call from my boss. He asked how I was doing so I started talking about work. Then he says, "No, how are you doing?" And, let me tell you, it is hard for people to talk in italics like that. So, started telling him thoughts and such, and how I felt some trepedation about where the company is going and how I fit into it, blah blah blah. Somehow I ended up with, "I'm not the only one who feels this way, you need to speak with your managers." Now we are having a meeting this afternoon cause I couldn't keep my mouth shut. Lovely. Oh well, it was a partial day off anyway.
"I was naked and dreaming behind locked doors,
still hearing me screaming 'Take me I'm yours!'"
My week is finally over! I'd jump for joy, but I think the stress has bent my back into a new shape. Ah well. Such is life. Although, I'm a little worried about my mental status when I woke up excited this morning cause I'm gonna get to go to Moe's for a burrito. It is my weakness. My kryptonite I guess you could say. Not to say going to Moe's is an event, just that I'll be in that part of town today and I've been looking forward to it. I know, it is a sickness, but what are ya going to do?
I was all about sleeping in this morning, but alas and alak, I woke up at 5:30 a.m. anyway and then the cat wouldn't let me fall totally back asleep. And, I swear you have the wierdest dreams when all you can do is catch snatches of sleep. You know, those odd dreams that combine your fears about work and life with sitcom television? Where you're running down a hallway naked, and then Hugh Laurie shows up and starts telling you about why you aren't really sick? I can't be the only one that happens to.
Work took a new and ironic turn today. I've been spending the majority of the day at home, but got a call from my boss. He asked how I was doing so I started talking about work. Then he says, "No, how are you doing?" And, let me tell you, it is hard for people to talk in italics like that. So, started telling him thoughts and such, and how I felt some trepedation about where the company is going and how I fit into it, blah blah blah. Somehow I ended up with, "I'm not the only one who feels this way, you need to speak with your managers." Now we are having a meeting this afternoon cause I couldn't keep my mouth shut. Lovely. Oh well, it was a partial day off anyway.
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Exhaustion squared
I'm all about sleeping in lately, however, I haven't been able to do that. I keep trying though. Me dragging my ass out of the bed every morning is incredibly humourous. I'm so glad that no one can see me trying to squeeze more sleep out of time.
Work is dragging me down as well. Getting this place shut down is wearing me out. Trying to take care of all the little details without completely losing my mind. I keep saying that if I make it to the weekend without wigging, I will ... well I can't say that I've been making any promises, but I've been keeping an open mind.
I'm disappointed that I'm leaving that area as well. I hadn't realized how many people I'd met down there. One of the guys, Big D, has been joking with me a lot recently. When I told him originally that I was leaving, he abruptly left our conversation. But recently, he's been making sure to drop by and check how I'm doing. In fact, I told him the picture hanging story, and he's been ribbing me about it. He came down yesterday and fixed one of the doors in the building for me. On his way out, he said, "Is this like hanging a picture for you, or do I have to go to your place to do that?" I laughed my ass off. He's a good guy. I'm hoping he comes down to visit me at my new building, but I won't hold my breath.
I'm worried about the kitten. He's been so bored. He doesn't have anything to do during the day and when I come home he just goes nuts. He is just meowing and running around. I'm beginning to feel awful and guilty. Wish I knew what to do. I'm seriously considering getting another cat just to keep him busy, but he doesn't always get along with other animals. I wish I knew what to do for him. I don't think the catnip is cutting it.
Work is dragging me down as well. Getting this place shut down is wearing me out. Trying to take care of all the little details without completely losing my mind. I keep saying that if I make it to the weekend without wigging, I will ... well I can't say that I've been making any promises, but I've been keeping an open mind.
I'm disappointed that I'm leaving that area as well. I hadn't realized how many people I'd met down there. One of the guys, Big D, has been joking with me a lot recently. When I told him originally that I was leaving, he abruptly left our conversation. But recently, he's been making sure to drop by and check how I'm doing. In fact, I told him the picture hanging story, and he's been ribbing me about it. He came down yesterday and fixed one of the doors in the building for me. On his way out, he said, "Is this like hanging a picture for you, or do I have to go to your place to do that?" I laughed my ass off. He's a good guy. I'm hoping he comes down to visit me at my new building, but I won't hold my breath.
I'm worried about the kitten. He's been so bored. He doesn't have anything to do during the day and when I come home he just goes nuts. He is just meowing and running around. I'm beginning to feel awful and guilty. Wish I knew what to do. I'm seriously considering getting another cat just to keep him busy, but he doesn't always get along with other animals. I wish I knew what to do for him. I don't think the catnip is cutting it.
Sunday, September 11, 2005
People bending broken rules
It's a Kenny Wayne kind of day today. I fell down today. I went ahead and sent Bruno a message. Apparently he's been crazy busy, he says. I'm guessing that is another fledgling friendship I can't keep together. That hermit thing keeps sounding better and better. I've spent most of the day indoors. Watched "The Incredibles" again. Found a website that could tell me where the easter eggs are too. Those weren't too bad. Also watched the first Thin Man from my new collection. Myrna Loy and William Powell. That would be the kind of relationship I would pattern after. Not necessarily how ditzy Nora is, but the relationship they have together. Of course, that isn't anything but good fiction, but oh the possibilities. I also did some exercise. Pathetic exercise, but exercise none-the-less.
I don't want to go back to work tomorrow. I have no desire to face the people I work with or talk to anyone else. I'm still not done unpacking either. No motivation.
On the bright side Moe didn't come back this weekend. Either he got the message, or he found someone else to sleep with. Either way, it is good news for me. Never heard back from the fireman either. I'm guessing one of his buddies told him I knew about what he had said. The brush has been cleared on that group of assholes. Onto a whole new group!
I don't want to go back to work tomorrow. I have no desire to face the people I work with or talk to anyone else. I'm still not done unpacking either. No motivation.
On the bright side Moe didn't come back this weekend. Either he got the message, or he found someone else to sleep with. Either way, it is good news for me. Never heard back from the fireman either. I'm guessing one of his buddies told him I knew about what he had said. The brush has been cleared on that group of assholes. Onto a whole new group!
Saturday, September 10, 2005
A few of my favorite things
I have been so decadent today. I've just been watching B movies, eating my Qdoba burritos and changing channels like a maniac. So many sappy romantic movies on some many channels at once. Of course, I also have spent entirely too much money on things I didn't need today. I went out and got the Thin Man Collection and the Incredibles DVDs. I should be spending money on sensible things, but I'm taking a page from Stais on this one. So long as I can pay my bills, I'm in ok shape, right.
Of course, it is 7:30 on a Saturday night as I'm writing this because I really have no life, but I'm satisfied with my day. I got good and plastered last night too, so I don't feel the urge to do it tonight. Trainwreck gave me all kinds of crap last night about staying in on a Friday, but I don't think he can completely understand. It is different for me, I think. I've never been good with people. At work, I own that environment. I'm more me. I'm loud, and I enjoy being around people, but get me by myself in a group of people I don't know, I either shrink back and observe or I overcompensate and become a caricature of myself.
Oh well. It is my caricature.
The cat is watching me while he is belly up on the carpet. I'm thinking he needs something. Maybe it's tequila.
Of course, it is 7:30 on a Saturday night as I'm writing this because I really have no life, but I'm satisfied with my day. I got good and plastered last night too, so I don't feel the urge to do it tonight. Trainwreck gave me all kinds of crap last night about staying in on a Friday, but I don't think he can completely understand. It is different for me, I think. I've never been good with people. At work, I own that environment. I'm more me. I'm loud, and I enjoy being around people, but get me by myself in a group of people I don't know, I either shrink back and observe or I overcompensate and become a caricature of myself.
Oh well. It is my caricature.
The cat is watching me while he is belly up on the carpet. I'm thinking he needs something. Maybe it's tequila.
Friday, September 09, 2005
Waiting for the week to come to a close
I know in my head that it is friday, but it sure doesn't feel like it. All the days keep running together and I'm not really seeing an end in sight. This could be because I really need to do laundry, wash dishes and take a nap, not necessarily in that order, but I don't believe so. I've been so very tired recently. I wonder if it is because I'm bored at work or if it is because the cat's latest personality quirk is to attack me in the middle of the night. I'm guessing he is stalking my hands while I sleep and then jumping the wily bastards in case they try and get the better of them. I feel bad for tossing my cat off the bed, but being woken up by a cat trying to subdue your favorite five fingers is a little disconcerting.
In other news, I haven't heard from Bruno in a week. I think I'm going to let that go. I figure if he wants to talk to me, he can find me. I gave it a shot, but he got mad when I said I sent him a message. "Well, I didn't get it." Apparently not hotshot, but I'm not upset, just trying to tell you I'm trying to keep up my end of the bargin here. What a cluster. He is entirely too high maintenance for me. I hate having to deal with men who are more difficult to be around then I am. The worst part about it, I am one of the most accomodating women I have ever met, but jeez Louise, give a little something. I don't want to do all the work.
Oh well. Life can't be all peaches and cream. Of course, I've never seen it really be peaches and cream, but it sounds like it is supposed to be nice.
It is Friday night and I'm at home, so any moment now Moe should come a knockin at my door. I've had such a crappy week, if he should drop by I'll be kickin him to the curb. I'm too tired and cranky to deal with JoeBob from the farm.
Tomorrow is the last day to deal with external people (read customers) for my location that is closing. I'm so very glad. I'm tired of dealing with these people. Of course, some of my regulars have been by, but they aren't enough to provide a distraction from the rest of the crazies. I'll be glad when this week is over. I think that is tomorrow.
All right. Gotta go and try something new. Exercising with a maragarita in hand.
In other news, I haven't heard from Bruno in a week. I think I'm going to let that go. I figure if he wants to talk to me, he can find me. I gave it a shot, but he got mad when I said I sent him a message. "Well, I didn't get it." Apparently not hotshot, but I'm not upset, just trying to tell you I'm trying to keep up my end of the bargin here. What a cluster. He is entirely too high maintenance for me. I hate having to deal with men who are more difficult to be around then I am. The worst part about it, I am one of the most accomodating women I have ever met, but jeez Louise, give a little something. I don't want to do all the work.
Oh well. Life can't be all peaches and cream. Of course, I've never seen it really be peaches and cream, but it sounds like it is supposed to be nice.
It is Friday night and I'm at home, so any moment now Moe should come a knockin at my door. I've had such a crappy week, if he should drop by I'll be kickin him to the curb. I'm too tired and cranky to deal with JoeBob from the farm.
Tomorrow is the last day to deal with external people (read customers) for my location that is closing. I'm so very glad. I'm tired of dealing with these people. Of course, some of my regulars have been by, but they aren't enough to provide a distraction from the rest of the crazies. I'll be glad when this week is over. I think that is tomorrow.
All right. Gotta go and try something new. Exercising with a maragarita in hand.
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
Everybody must get stoned....
My week has just sucked ass. There is no way around it. My personal life just blows and professionally things are going slowly down hill. I don't do drugs, but I swear I've been thinking about it. If I could stop the world and get off, I would also do that.
I found out that one of the guys I dated last winter has been spreading around work what he and I did in the bedroom. What the fuck? Why on earth would anyone do that? The worst part of all of it, is that the people I work with on a very secondary level, also know this asshole and have heard these stories. On top of all of that, this guy got back in touch with me this week and kindly offered his services in the bedroom. I am so ticked off about it. Apparently my asshole meter is completely broken or I would never have gone out with this guy to begin with. What really irritates me is that our relationship was just based on sex. When I found someone I could connect with on more than just that level, I ended our relationship. I knew he was upset, but holy hell, I had no idea he was that upset. I'm disappointed in myself more than anything. I should have known better. Stais was telling me that I have to wade through the assholes to get to the good ones, but I'm thinking that I'm stuck in a bottomless pit of jackass. It is starting to smell down here.
Professionally I just want to get to October. I know I shouldn't wish time away, but I'm running out of ways to cope. Case in point, I'm almost out of tequila.
It can't get any better than this, it can't get any better than this.
I hope like hell it can't get any better than this.
I found out that one of the guys I dated last winter has been spreading around work what he and I did in the bedroom. What the fuck? Why on earth would anyone do that? The worst part of all of it, is that the people I work with on a very secondary level, also know this asshole and have heard these stories. On top of all of that, this guy got back in touch with me this week and kindly offered his services in the bedroom. I am so ticked off about it. Apparently my asshole meter is completely broken or I would never have gone out with this guy to begin with. What really irritates me is that our relationship was just based on sex. When I found someone I could connect with on more than just that level, I ended our relationship. I knew he was upset, but holy hell, I had no idea he was that upset. I'm disappointed in myself more than anything. I should have known better. Stais was telling me that I have to wade through the assholes to get to the good ones, but I'm thinking that I'm stuck in a bottomless pit of jackass. It is starting to smell down here.
Professionally I just want to get to October. I know I shouldn't wish time away, but I'm running out of ways to cope. Case in point, I'm almost out of tequila.
It can't get any better than this, it can't get any better than this.
I hope like hell it can't get any better than this.
Sunday, September 04, 2005
And my new hair color ... Steel Wool
Holy hell, Batman! Where did this grey hair come from? It couldn't be all the stress I've been under for work could it? Naw. Anyway, I've been doing the traditional hair color dance. Shake, squirt, bend , twist, and then sit. I was going to do some blond at the roots, and then a little red elsewhere, but my buddy Sally Jane informed me that my hair could end up purple. As that would be a bad thing, I'm going to forgo the red this time. I'll come back to it in a couple of weeks. I'm getting ready to put another coat on, let's hope I don't have to use the shellack this time.
In other news, I haven't seen more for the rest of the weekend. Luckily (and can I tell you how sad it is that I feel this way?) I have to go into work tomorrow so I can escape his idea of a good time. Did I mention that he's been trying to figure out when I have to go into work? He was asking about that Friday night. "You don't seem to have a set pattern for when you go into work. Sometimes it is before 6 and sometimes it is just before 7. When do you have to be there anyway?" Yeah, cause I think you need to know that information. I'm thinking I'm going to have to just chill out at home and lay a little low, at least for today. I'll be busy enough with work for the next several days to keep me out of his sights.
I made taco salad this weekend to munch on. I should have had more meat, but otherwise I'm a happy camper. I need to start taking my meds again too. I'm putting on weight, and as I'm going without for 2(?) months, I'm not feeling my sexiest. Besides, the rumor is that exercise is good for you. I don't know if it makes you feel as good as good sex, but I'm willing to do anything to make me feel better about how I look. Although, exercise, ugh, the things I do to better my life. I'd rather be sitting on the couch for hours at a time, snacking and reading. Ohhh. Snacking. I haven't made Chex Mix in ages. That sounds incredible. Hmmmm. Gonna have to restrain myself or I'm going to find my ass out at the store picking up cereal and peanuts and pretzels... Bad girl, bad.
Time to shower anyway and pull this crap out of my hair.
Crap. I just realized I'm bored again.
Damn.
In other news, I haven't seen more for the rest of the weekend. Luckily (and can I tell you how sad it is that I feel this way?) I have to go into work tomorrow so I can escape his idea of a good time. Did I mention that he's been trying to figure out when I have to go into work? He was asking about that Friday night. "You don't seem to have a set pattern for when you go into work. Sometimes it is before 6 and sometimes it is just before 7. When do you have to be there anyway?" Yeah, cause I think you need to know that information. I'm thinking I'm going to have to just chill out at home and lay a little low, at least for today. I'll be busy enough with work for the next several days to keep me out of his sights.
I made taco salad this weekend to munch on. I should have had more meat, but otherwise I'm a happy camper. I need to start taking my meds again too. I'm putting on weight, and as I'm going without for 2(?) months, I'm not feeling my sexiest. Besides, the rumor is that exercise is good for you. I don't know if it makes you feel as good as good sex, but I'm willing to do anything to make me feel better about how I look. Although, exercise, ugh, the things I do to better my life. I'd rather be sitting on the couch for hours at a time, snacking and reading. Ohhh. Snacking. I haven't made Chex Mix in ages. That sounds incredible. Hmmmm. Gonna have to restrain myself or I'm going to find my ass out at the store picking up cereal and peanuts and pretzels... Bad girl, bad.
Time to shower anyway and pull this crap out of my hair.
Crap. I just realized I'm bored again.
Damn.
Saturday, September 03, 2005
Your size...
So Moe dropped by last night. Lucky fucking me. (For those not paying attention, that was sarcasm.) He came in, and dropped his happy ass on my couch like he's been doing it for years. Then tells me he wants to know if I could make him something for dinner cause he hasn't had time to eat yet. As I tell him no, he wants to know if I've eaten. Blah blah blah. Apparently this country boy believes his shit doesn't stink, his parents are gods, living on a farm is the only way to live, pork livers are a delicacy and that because he has military experience, he is going to be better than anyone else at their job. And, then, just because he hadn't pissed me off enough, said he had a cousin who loved to eat, "well, I guess you could say she's about your size," as if I'm the general shape of a Volkswagon. I'm so flipping irritated for so many reasons. First, because he still believed I should be sleeping with him, although he is a scrawny thing and someone my size might do serious damage. Secondly because I let this pipsqueak get on my nerves. No, I'm not fashion model thin, but holy hell, I'm not a beached whale either. I can't remember the last time I was so ticked off at any one person.
I'm giving up on this making friends thing. I will live by myself, eating what the fuck I want, when I want, exercising if I feel the need to and I will just forgo dealing with others. People suck. Is it too late in my lifetime to become a hermit and live in a shack in the woods?
I'm giving up on this making friends thing. I will live by myself, eating what the fuck I want, when I want, exercising if I feel the need to and I will just forgo dealing with others. People suck. Is it too late in my lifetime to become a hermit and live in a shack in the woods?
Thursday, September 01, 2005
Walking in Memphis
I'm in a Marc Cohn kind of mood tonight. I've always wished I could sing, but it just isn't going to ever happen. I was pretty much aware of that when after singing in the church choir, I was told I could serve the church in other ways. Oh well. So long as I do it at home, everything will be kosher.
It can't be right that I'm so tired, but I feel like I've been running all day. And since I know my fat ass can't take that, I must have been really working. It could also be that Bruno called last night and interrupted my sleep. That is actually pretty odd, considering I usually wake up before the phone rings, but not last night. Wow. It took a solid five minutes before I realized who the hell I was talking to. It was a fairly odd conversation too. He told me about some stuff he's been doing recently, including the link I've added tonight. www.streetblast.com
He's such an odd duck sometimes. He has filled up his off time with all these extracurricular activities, stuff he loves to do, but will still be stressed about how it is working. I'm not sure if he ever allows himself to cut loose. Anyway, he was complaining that I never call him, but a) he never has any free time to do anything, b) I'm not even sure he likes to be around me all that much as we've never spent that much time just hanging out, and 3) I'm not sure what he wants from me.
I've said it before, I just don't understand men. I'm aware that they aren't that difficult to understand, but I swear I get the difficult ones. He was ticked off about how I was treated by Moe, even though I'm fairly sure I should never have gone downstairs to begin with. Until there is an instruction book for Bruno's model, I will keep playing it by ear. He wants me to call more often so I will do what I can. I just keep feeling like I'm intruding on him doing more important things.
Although, it could just be the day. It was an odd one all around. We are closing the location I've been working at, (which, yes, does suck, but my people have been taken care of and that's all that matters) so it seems that everyone and their brother has come out of the woodwork. Favorite customers of mine that I haven't seen in ages popped into the store all day. Guys I haven't seen in a while dropped by to flirt and give hugs. Everyone wanted to know which location I was going to so they could drop by again. This elderly gentleman was flirting with me, just making me laugh (which those in the know know it is loud and long), when he said, "You know those little yapping dogs that chase after semi's? I'm like that with pretty girls like you, I wouldn't know what to do with you if I had you." I don't know how happy I am about being a semi, but I'll get by. The planets must have been aligned just right tonight.
Either way, it was nice to just enjoy my day at work instead of being stressed out all the time. There is a certain peace you get when you finally know what the hell is going on in your job. I have felt better about things than I have in a long time. Now if I can just pick up a social life along the way, I'll be in like Flynn.
In other news, I was trying to figure out how to add my photo on here, but have failed miserably at it so I will remain incognito. Besides, my pic doesn't look as professional as some of the other blogs in here, so perhaps it is for the best.
I also am doing a load of laundry while typing this up. Now, I know that doesn't sound nearly exciting enough to post, but as the appliances are new I've been doing the happy dance in my chair for a little while now.
That is about it for now. I've little things to report, but will wait for later as I need to snag a cigarette and finish off my margarita.
Oh, and for those concerned, I did find all my toys. I know there was some trepidation, but all is good in the household. Although I could use a backrub. Hmmm. Moe is downstairs.... Maybe I could hang some pictures for him.
On second thought, I haven't had enough to drink for that. I guess I'll be taking a hot bubble bath. Again.
It can't be right that I'm so tired, but I feel like I've been running all day. And since I know my fat ass can't take that, I must have been really working. It could also be that Bruno called last night and interrupted my sleep. That is actually pretty odd, considering I usually wake up before the phone rings, but not last night. Wow. It took a solid five minutes before I realized who the hell I was talking to. It was a fairly odd conversation too. He told me about some stuff he's been doing recently, including the link I've added tonight. www.streetblast.com
He's such an odd duck sometimes. He has filled up his off time with all these extracurricular activities, stuff he loves to do, but will still be stressed about how it is working. I'm not sure if he ever allows himself to cut loose. Anyway, he was complaining that I never call him, but a) he never has any free time to do anything, b) I'm not even sure he likes to be around me all that much as we've never spent that much time just hanging out, and 3) I'm not sure what he wants from me.
I've said it before, I just don't understand men. I'm aware that they aren't that difficult to understand, but I swear I get the difficult ones. He was ticked off about how I was treated by Moe, even though I'm fairly sure I should never have gone downstairs to begin with. Until there is an instruction book for Bruno's model, I will keep playing it by ear. He wants me to call more often so I will do what I can. I just keep feeling like I'm intruding on him doing more important things.
Although, it could just be the day. It was an odd one all around. We are closing the location I've been working at, (which, yes, does suck, but my people have been taken care of and that's all that matters) so it seems that everyone and their brother has come out of the woodwork. Favorite customers of mine that I haven't seen in ages popped into the store all day. Guys I haven't seen in a while dropped by to flirt and give hugs. Everyone wanted to know which location I was going to so they could drop by again. This elderly gentleman was flirting with me, just making me laugh (which those in the know know it is loud and long), when he said, "You know those little yapping dogs that chase after semi's? I'm like that with pretty girls like you, I wouldn't know what to do with you if I had you." I don't know how happy I am about being a semi, but I'll get by. The planets must have been aligned just right tonight.
Either way, it was nice to just enjoy my day at work instead of being stressed out all the time. There is a certain peace you get when you finally know what the hell is going on in your job. I have felt better about things than I have in a long time. Now if I can just pick up a social life along the way, I'll be in like Flynn.
In other news, I was trying to figure out how to add my photo on here, but have failed miserably at it so I will remain incognito. Besides, my pic doesn't look as professional as some of the other blogs in here, so perhaps it is for the best.
I also am doing a load of laundry while typing this up. Now, I know that doesn't sound nearly exciting enough to post, but as the appliances are new I've been doing the happy dance in my chair for a little while now.
That is about it for now. I've little things to report, but will wait for later as I need to snag a cigarette and finish off my margarita.
Oh, and for those concerned, I did find all my toys. I know there was some trepidation, but all is good in the household. Although I could use a backrub. Hmmm. Moe is downstairs.... Maybe I could hang some pictures for him.
On second thought, I haven't had enough to drink for that. I guess I'll be taking a hot bubble bath. Again.
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Finally all moved in
Well, I guess I'm not really all moved in. I'm in the new place, but not completely unpacked. However, I've got a good start on getting my life back in some sort of order. Of course, being without a t.v. for a few days I've overloaded on coverage about the hurricane that hit the south. I'm now completely depressed about what the world is coming to. At what point can you justify looting a computer because you lost your house? Food, water, the essentials I can understand, but new electronics I cannot. I am so glad that I'm not in that situation because I have no idea what I would do.
Because of that, everything I would have to say about complaining about the move, work, or friends, really seems to be moot. I may get past that in the next couple of days. Work is going to kick my ass for the next several days, even for a couple of weeks. I'm all about ready for another vacation, but I can't see that happening for a couple months.
My personal life isn't completely in the toilet, but it seems to be circling. I did meet one of my neighbors though. He introduced himself in the parking lot, came up and gave me a hand hanging my pictures, and invited me down to his place for a beer. I was suspicious about the whole thing, but after conferring with a friend, who we'll just call Trainwreck, he said, "This is how you meet friends." So, I went out and bought a six pack as a thank you for helping me get my place in the beginnings of order. My neighbor, Moe, was watching Nascar so we discussed the little details. After about an hour, I got up to go home and go to bed. Moe's clever response, "I have a bed." I congratulated him on that, but emphasized that I wasn't interested, I just wanted to get some sleep, thanked him for the offer (what is the appropriate thank you for something like that anyway?) amd went to leave again. After about 20 minutes of discussing why I wouldn't be sleeping with him, I finally got out of there to get some sleep. Yes, I could have just left, but I am trying to make new friends. Needless to say, I haven't heard from him again.
Oh well, I gave it my best effort, short of putting out.
Because of that, everything I would have to say about complaining about the move, work, or friends, really seems to be moot. I may get past that in the next couple of days. Work is going to kick my ass for the next several days, even for a couple of weeks. I'm all about ready for another vacation, but I can't see that happening for a couple months.
My personal life isn't completely in the toilet, but it seems to be circling. I did meet one of my neighbors though. He introduced himself in the parking lot, came up and gave me a hand hanging my pictures, and invited me down to his place for a beer. I was suspicious about the whole thing, but after conferring with a friend, who we'll just call Trainwreck, he said, "This is how you meet friends." So, I went out and bought a six pack as a thank you for helping me get my place in the beginnings of order. My neighbor, Moe, was watching Nascar so we discussed the little details. After about an hour, I got up to go home and go to bed. Moe's clever response, "I have a bed." I congratulated him on that, but emphasized that I wasn't interested, I just wanted to get some sleep, thanked him for the offer (what is the appropriate thank you for something like that anyway?) amd went to leave again. After about 20 minutes of discussing why I wouldn't be sleeping with him, I finally got out of there to get some sleep. Yes, I could have just left, but I am trying to make new friends. Needless to say, I haven't heard from him again.
Oh well, I gave it my best effort, short of putting out.
Friday, August 26, 2005
The Big Move
So today is the big move. I didn't sleep much last night worried about how it is going to go. Of course, on top of all of this, it is raining. I just want it to be done so I can go back to bed.
Thursday, August 25, 2005
Who invented packing?
I can't say that I know who invented packing, but they should be shot on sight.
I am so damn tired. The next time I make a major move, I am going to save enough money to have a company come in and do it for me. That being said, most everything is in a box. I have enough to shower in the morning, and a change of clothes, but everything else (of course this computer isn't) is in a box. They will be here early in the morning to pick up the major stuff and haul it to my new residence. Then I have to everything in reverse.
Isn't there a way to do this that is easier?
I'm going to start drinking now. Maybe it won't hurt as much then.
I am so damn tired. The next time I make a major move, I am going to save enough money to have a company come in and do it for me. That being said, most everything is in a box. I have enough to shower in the morning, and a change of clothes, but everything else (of course this computer isn't) is in a box. They will be here early in the morning to pick up the major stuff and haul it to my new residence. Then I have to everything in reverse.
Isn't there a way to do this that is easier?
I'm going to start drinking now. Maybe it won't hurt as much then.
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Packing it in
Who accumulated all this crap? I'm sure it wasn't me. I haven't had enough money to buy all of it. Perhaps it was the cat. He's been looking shifty lately. And I'm amazed at the crap that I've kept over the years. On the other hand, I've been able to shred a bunch to use as packing material.
Everything is an absolute cluster. All this crap is going down at work and I'm getting calls all the time. Of course, my boss expects my assistant to be able to run the place when I'm not there, but since he doesn't seem to be aware that my assistant's head is so far up his own ass he can't do much of anything. Plus, I've been given a new assistant and I keep hearing from her as well. This just isn't what I expected my vacation to be.
This cleaning thing is completely overrated, too. And to top it all off, my parents are on their way to help. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm glad they are coming to help, it takes a load off my mind, but I've had to pack/hide some of my toys in advance. Now I really don't have anything to help me take the edge off. At least I still have alcohol. It is almost time to hit the margaritas.
Just to give everyone a heads up, (and by everyone I mean the two or three people who actually read this damn thing) I'm going to without access for a few days and therefore unable to update. I am trying to be better about posting more often, but there will be a lag for a few days. I'm thinking mid-next week.
Everything is an absolute cluster. All this crap is going down at work and I'm getting calls all the time. Of course, my boss expects my assistant to be able to run the place when I'm not there, but since he doesn't seem to be aware that my assistant's head is so far up his own ass he can't do much of anything. Plus, I've been given a new assistant and I keep hearing from her as well. This just isn't what I expected my vacation to be.
This cleaning thing is completely overrated, too. And to top it all off, my parents are on their way to help. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm glad they are coming to help, it takes a load off my mind, but I've had to pack/hide some of my toys in advance. Now I really don't have anything to help me take the edge off. At least I still have alcohol. It is almost time to hit the margaritas.
Just to give everyone a heads up, (and by everyone I mean the two or three people who actually read this damn thing) I'm going to without access for a few days and therefore unable to update. I am trying to be better about posting more often, but there will be a lag for a few days. I'm thinking mid-next week.
Monday, August 22, 2005
Partying like I have a clue
Yea for me!!!!! I found a place to live. Of course, it isn't a house, but it wil work for the interim. In fact, I think it is bigger than my current place and for less money! Excellent!
This, however, means that I need to get my packing into gear, but it is the little things that can bite you in the ass. My parents are coming into town this weekend to give me a hand with the moving. Of course, my mom also wants to paint, but we will have to see with that. I just want to get in there and not have to worry about the stupid shit. Is that really possible though? What if life is really made up of worrying about the stupid shit?
Whoa. Heavy dude.
Anyway. It seems things have gotten back on track. We'll see how long it lasts.
There is that crazy optimism again!
This, however, means that I need to get my packing into gear, but it is the little things that can bite you in the ass. My parents are coming into town this weekend to give me a hand with the moving. Of course, my mom also wants to paint, but we will have to see with that. I just want to get in there and not have to worry about the stupid shit. Is that really possible though? What if life is really made up of worrying about the stupid shit?
Whoa. Heavy dude.
Anyway. It seems things have gotten back on track. We'll see how long it lasts.
There is that crazy optimism again!
Saturday, August 20, 2005
Looking ahead to the ending
""Let there be a day
just for picnics, with wine and bread."
Gathered up some people he had made/
Created blankets and laid back in the shade."
I love that song because it is just how I feel about the powers that be. There are never any real answers. No "turn left when you see Main Street" or "Don't go hunting for a friend/companion when you've had more than 4 beers." There is nothing definite in life, not when you are making major decisions. Although, I guess it isn't always the major decisions that always effect your life; sometimes it is the little ones too. Of course on top of that, you never know when the little decisions are going to make a difference in how your life will run. Even when I was younger, I wouldn't make decisions without trying to figure all the angles first. If I take this cookie, what will probably happen? A spanking. Can I deal with that? Yes. So I'd take the cookie.
When I was a kid I devoured the books that gave options that the protagonist could take. "If you go after Billy in the Hall of Terror turn to page 56. If you want to go back and question Professor Gigglebaum again turn to page 127." Then, of course if you ended up dead in a couple of pages, you would go back to that strategic point and choose a different option.
I'm in the same scenario, I suppose. I already know I have to move, but where do I move to? Do I cross the river and try to live cheaply in New Albany or do I continue to spend more money than I really have south. Do I take Stais' suggestion to move to Chicago seriously or do I stick it out in Lou'ville for another year just to see what happens? What would really be different for me up north? I'd still be in a town with only one friend to my name that lives there. It would be hellaciously more expensive there. I'd still be under the possibility of burning out a friendship by leaning on them too much. I really wouldn't change so I'd still be an overweight, shy, marginally attractive, slightly overbearing type A without anything to do on a Saturday night. On the other hand, living here isn't doing a hell of a lot for me either.....
Bonus points for me though. I went to see Bruno and his band play last night. Yet again I went to a bar by myself. I can't say that I'm getting the hang of it, but I'm doing better than I thought I was. Some guy even bought me a couple of beers. Of course, he escaped while I was in the bathroom, but next time who knows? Maybe the next guy will actually have a conversation with me! The possibilities are endless I tell ya. Bruno took a couple of minutes out of one of his breaks to say hello. Poor guy. I've given him a rough time lately. He keeps telling me I am one of his closest friends, and I keep telling him he is full of shit. I'm not sure how he can feel that we are so close when he doesn't really know me at all. I can't figure him out at all, but I think the point is that I'm supposed to take my time to get to know people. Instant connections don't happen all the time and trust is supposed to be built, not cemented on a gut feeling. Or something like that.
I've renewed my habit of repeating daily affirmations. My favorite is "It can't get any better than this." I've chosen that one because whenever you say that it can't get any worse, it always does. Back when I was seeing a "life counselor" (like that term? I think it is cute too) he would insist that I stand in front of a mirror naked and look at my body and then tell myself I was beautiful. Of course, after a doing this a couple of times, I got very upset with myself for lying to me like that. I didn't speak to myself for weeks after that. Now our relationship is tenuous at best. I really think the "better than this" works the best for me because it isn't exactly positive, but it isn't exactly negative either. I guess you could call it cautiously optimistic.
There are scads of other things to go over, including my visit from all the bigwigs, adventures in apartment/house hunting and my inability to get myself packed, but I think I'm going to catch a cigarette and turn in for the evening.
By the way, my public service announcement for the day is "Don't smoke. It makes you look stupid. I don't care how cool I look doing it, you don't look nearly as good doing it."
just for picnics, with wine and bread."
Gathered up some people he had made/
Created blankets and laid back in the shade."
I love that song because it is just how I feel about the powers that be. There are never any real answers. No "turn left when you see Main Street" or "Don't go hunting for a friend/companion when you've had more than 4 beers." There is nothing definite in life, not when you are making major decisions. Although, I guess it isn't always the major decisions that always effect your life; sometimes it is the little ones too. Of course on top of that, you never know when the little decisions are going to make a difference in how your life will run. Even when I was younger, I wouldn't make decisions without trying to figure all the angles first. If I take this cookie, what will probably happen? A spanking. Can I deal with that? Yes. So I'd take the cookie.
When I was a kid I devoured the books that gave options that the protagonist could take. "If you go after Billy in the Hall of Terror turn to page 56. If you want to go back and question Professor Gigglebaum again turn to page 127." Then, of course if you ended up dead in a couple of pages, you would go back to that strategic point and choose a different option.
I'm in the same scenario, I suppose. I already know I have to move, but where do I move to? Do I cross the river and try to live cheaply in New Albany or do I continue to spend more money than I really have south. Do I take Stais' suggestion to move to Chicago seriously or do I stick it out in Lou'ville for another year just to see what happens? What would really be different for me up north? I'd still be in a town with only one friend to my name that lives there. It would be hellaciously more expensive there. I'd still be under the possibility of burning out a friendship by leaning on them too much. I really wouldn't change so I'd still be an overweight, shy, marginally attractive, slightly overbearing type A without anything to do on a Saturday night. On the other hand, living here isn't doing a hell of a lot for me either.....
Bonus points for me though. I went to see Bruno and his band play last night. Yet again I went to a bar by myself. I can't say that I'm getting the hang of it, but I'm doing better than I thought I was. Some guy even bought me a couple of beers. Of course, he escaped while I was in the bathroom, but next time who knows? Maybe the next guy will actually have a conversation with me! The possibilities are endless I tell ya. Bruno took a couple of minutes out of one of his breaks to say hello. Poor guy. I've given him a rough time lately. He keeps telling me I am one of his closest friends, and I keep telling him he is full of shit. I'm not sure how he can feel that we are so close when he doesn't really know me at all. I can't figure him out at all, but I think the point is that I'm supposed to take my time to get to know people. Instant connections don't happen all the time and trust is supposed to be built, not cemented on a gut feeling. Or something like that.
I've renewed my habit of repeating daily affirmations. My favorite is "It can't get any better than this." I've chosen that one because whenever you say that it can't get any worse, it always does. Back when I was seeing a "life counselor" (like that term? I think it is cute too) he would insist that I stand in front of a mirror naked and look at my body and then tell myself I was beautiful. Of course, after a doing this a couple of times, I got very upset with myself for lying to me like that. I didn't speak to myself for weeks after that. Now our relationship is tenuous at best. I really think the "better than this" works the best for me because it isn't exactly positive, but it isn't exactly negative either. I guess you could call it cautiously optimistic.
There are scads of other things to go over, including my visit from all the bigwigs, adventures in apartment/house hunting and my inability to get myself packed, but I think I'm going to catch a cigarette and turn in for the evening.
By the way, my public service announcement for the day is "Don't smoke. It makes you look stupid. I don't care how cool I look doing it, you don't look nearly as good doing it."
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
As the toilet swirls
Not only does work keep piling up, stresses upon stresses knotting up my shoulders, but now I have to find another place to live in just 15 days. Maybe if I planned better, maybe if I had my shit together, I wouldn't be in this predicament. Oh well. I'm sure things will continue to fall into place. Like they've done so well so far. (Sigh)
I haven't found that much to move into so far. Lots of shady looking apartments, but what I'd really like to do is rent a house. If only I could find one that took my cat. That will be the harder part.
Everything else is going as quickly as a snail in a ass kicking contest. (Yea, I know that doesn't exactly work, but I really don't care either.) If I can finish out the rest of the week without my world going to hell in a hand basket, I might actually be able to enjoy my vacation.
We will see.
I haven't found that much to move into so far. Lots of shady looking apartments, but what I'd really like to do is rent a house. If only I could find one that took my cat. That will be the harder part.
Everything else is going as quickly as a snail in a ass kicking contest. (Yea, I know that doesn't exactly work, but I really don't care either.) If I can finish out the rest of the week without my world going to hell in a hand basket, I might actually be able to enjoy my vacation.
We will see.
Monday, August 15, 2005
Going through the motions
Another group of bigwigs are coming to visit. I hate the prep time for these visits. I never have all my numbers memorized, I get anxious, my staff feeds from my mood so they become anxious and we start bouncing off the walls waiting for company to come and tell us what is right or wrong with the house. They will be here on friday. The rest of the week will just be prep for it.
Of course to top it off, I was going to move into another townhouse in the complex, but I went to see it and I hate it. Hate it. So, of course I call my mom and talk to her about it. She's coming down on Wednesday to help me look for a place to live on the other side of the river. My house isn't clean, I'm not even remotely done packing and I'm trying to have a nervous breakdown getting all this ready. I want to be on vacation now.
Oh well, I'm off to work.
Of course to top it off, I was going to move into another townhouse in the complex, but I went to see it and I hate it. Hate it. So, of course I call my mom and talk to her about it. She's coming down on Wednesday to help me look for a place to live on the other side of the river. My house isn't clean, I'm not even remotely done packing and I'm trying to have a nervous breakdown getting all this ready. I want to be on vacation now.
Oh well, I'm off to work.
Friday, August 12, 2005
More stress, more tequilas
Hmmm, where was I at?
Ah. Doctor's appt. Nope, not preggers, but apparently not sick either. Guess I'll have to inform my body of that later.
Work is the same. Switching stores, which isn't a bad thing, but I feel bad about leaving the people I've been working with for the last year. Hopefully I can bring some with me. We'll see. My stress level is increasing though. I wish I had someone or multiple someone's in town to just relax with. I'm still trying to figure out how to meet people.
I'm moving soon as well. Not really going far, but I still have to pack. I'm trying to find motivation from the cat, but as you can see he isn't really helping. In fact, as I sit here writing this, he is giving me some pretty nasty looks. He would like his chair back. I can tell by the way he jumps up behind me and trys to muscle me out. He'll get over it. The worst part is that when I make margaritas, I make sure I watch the glass at all times as I've found him facedown in my cup.
I did alright at the bar the other night. Saw my favorite blues band, The Predators, playing and had a really good time all by myself. In public even. They are playing tomorrow night as well, but I so need to get off my duff and pack some boxes, I'm talking myself into not going. Besides, going to the bar by yourself on a Thursday is one thing, going on a Saturday night is a whole other proposal.
In other boring news, I've decided against finding a new bed partner. All the potentials I've talked to recently came from the same neighborhood, around the corner from Idiot Dr. and Chucklehead Ct. Is sex a necessary part of every conversation that I have with a man, or is it too much to ask that their brain not reside in their shorts? I'm now afraid for the state of the nation when these men actually believe the scenarios they saw in their favorite porn flick might actually become reality. And no, I'm not turned on in the least little bit when you ask about my long legs. Yes, they do go all the way up, as evidenced by my thighs and hips, but then what else would you expect? Did you study anatomy in school or did you sleep that month? Thanks for inquiring about their welfare, but as I'm ok, so are they. By the way, they find your conversations boring and mildly insulting as well.
Ah well. I've blathered on long enough. I have more procrastinating to do.
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
Still looking for the signposts
Do you ever have those 'aha' moments in life? Where you may be standing in a crowded room talking to absolutely no one and then suddenly dots in your head connect and one small portion of your life becomes crystal clear? I hate those fucking moments! You always end up looking remarkably stupid later on, something you've been trying to figure out for days, weeks, months or even years comes up and proudly announces itself as well as its intentions; and all of it relatively easy to figure out.
Of course Bruno isn't interested in me. He collects women like they are action figures. Why I don't know, but how could I have missed that? Now I've got to find another fuck buddy. Dammit I hate doing those interviews.
In other non-related news. I completely failed to find new friends tonight. I met up with a group of people who are also relatively new to Louisville, but didn't really connect with any of them. Going to have to continue to try. Think I'm going to try another event on Thursday, but will have to wait and see if I'm feeling up to it.
I haven't been feeling really well the last few weeks. People keep asking if I'm pregnant, but there is no real possibility on that. If I am, I've already screwed the kid up because I've been drinking fairly heavily the last few weeks. The doc should get back with me tomorrow to let me know what the hell is going on. Wish me luck.
Of course Bruno isn't interested in me. He collects women like they are action figures. Why I don't know, but how could I have missed that? Now I've got to find another fuck buddy. Dammit I hate doing those interviews.
In other non-related news. I completely failed to find new friends tonight. I met up with a group of people who are also relatively new to Louisville, but didn't really connect with any of them. Going to have to continue to try. Think I'm going to try another event on Thursday, but will have to wait and see if I'm feeling up to it.
I haven't been feeling really well the last few weeks. People keep asking if I'm pregnant, but there is no real possibility on that. If I am, I've already screwed the kid up because I've been drinking fairly heavily the last few weeks. The doc should get back with me tomorrow to let me know what the hell is going on. Wish me luck.
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
Standing Firm
Playing cool was never something I was very good at. But I am trying. I will not chase. I will not call repeatedly. I will not stare at my phone waiting for it to ring.
Of course, in doing all these things, I will have to find a life so that I'm not so bored I'm staring at my phone. You'd think you would get a book when you turn 30. Something that says, "Congrats on living through your 20s. All those experiences leave you a little jaded and bitter? Still confused about what you are doing on the planet? Worried about that little rash? Here is your guide to your 30s. Sorry we didn't get one out for the last decade but you were just a little unpredictable then. This is a guide, but not a hard and fast rule for what we expect to see for you in this decade. Good luck and see that doctor."
Where's my book?
Of course, in doing all these things, I will have to find a life so that I'm not so bored I'm staring at my phone. You'd think you would get a book when you turn 30. Something that says, "Congrats on living through your 20s. All those experiences leave you a little jaded and bitter? Still confused about what you are doing on the planet? Worried about that little rash? Here is your guide to your 30s. Sorry we didn't get one out for the last decade but you were just a little unpredictable then. This is a guide, but not a hard and fast rule for what we expect to see for you in this decade. Good luck and see that doctor."
Where's my book?
Sunday, June 19, 2005
Minutia in Ramblings
I keep dreaming of conversations between Cupid and Death. Actually, they are conversations between assistants to assistants to assistants of Cupid and Death. Old friends from school they meet monthly at out of the way restaurants around the world, though lately their travels have kept them in the Midwest. They sit around in suits that are too warm for the local weather, drinking coffee and watching the people walk around them.
Frank, who has been working for Cupid for a number of years, joining up right out of school, has exponentially increased his waistline since starting the job. He chain smokes a Turkish brand of tobacco, because he believes it makes him appear more dashing than he really feels. His hair, once a flowing mane of dirty blond, has been cropped short to his head (a directive from corporate to help streamline the "look" Cupid is striving for; professional and successful). He often starts in his chair, paranoid his superiors are watching his every move, critical of the matches he has brought together. He's also begun an unhealthy habit of humming teenage pop songs.
Keith sits across from him, languid in his behavior, dashing in his looks. His form has also filled out since school, but more toned, the only bulk that is unchecked in his biceps, where he lifts weights for hours at a time, with only unbearable pain in his shoulders forcing him to stop. Keith took some time off after school to find himself, crossing the country on a motorcycle he'd found and bought for relative change. Having discovered he was never really lost, just without a purpose of his own, he joined Death's organization and has been slowly working his way up the ranks.
They both sit in uncomfortable iron chairs, hungrily searching the faces of the passerby's, the sun never touching their skin, the clouds never casting shadows across their eyes.
Frank, who has been working for Cupid for a number of years, joining up right out of school, has exponentially increased his waistline since starting the job. He chain smokes a Turkish brand of tobacco, because he believes it makes him appear more dashing than he really feels. His hair, once a flowing mane of dirty blond, has been cropped short to his head (a directive from corporate to help streamline the "look" Cupid is striving for; professional and successful). He often starts in his chair, paranoid his superiors are watching his every move, critical of the matches he has brought together. He's also begun an unhealthy habit of humming teenage pop songs.
Keith sits across from him, languid in his behavior, dashing in his looks. His form has also filled out since school, but more toned, the only bulk that is unchecked in his biceps, where he lifts weights for hours at a time, with only unbearable pain in his shoulders forcing him to stop. Keith took some time off after school to find himself, crossing the country on a motorcycle he'd found and bought for relative change. Having discovered he was never really lost, just without a purpose of his own, he joined Death's organization and has been slowly working his way up the ranks.
They both sit in uncomfortable iron chairs, hungrily searching the faces of the passerby's, the sun never touching their skin, the clouds never casting shadows across their eyes.
Sunday, June 05, 2005
Where are the damn roses to stop for?
Alrighty.
Not that I have confirmation of this, but I'm just going to take him at face value. He says he's just looking for a friend, and the gods know I could use another friend. He isn't interested in anything else. He is just being a friend. We are just friends. I will stop looking for things that aren't really there.
If I keep repeating that, do you think I will believe it?
"Look around/
Leaves are brown/
There's a patch of snow on the ground."
Not that I have confirmation of this, but I'm just going to take him at face value. He says he's just looking for a friend, and the gods know I could use another friend. He isn't interested in anything else. He is just being a friend. We are just friends. I will stop looking for things that aren't really there.
If I keep repeating that, do you think I will believe it?
"Look around/
Leaves are brown/
There's a patch of snow on the ground."
Have a penis? You must be confusing....
I cannot believe the current popular belief that when a man answers that nothing is on his mind, he is usually telling the truth. Not that I've been questioning random men on the street what they are thinking, but I have dealt with enough of them as friends to know that when they sit down and stare off in space (you do have to make sure the t.v. is off) they are actually using the gray matter between their ears. Even if I can't see them, to have them sit quietly on the phone, on the other side of the computer screen or in the next room over, I know they are using their brains.
And then there is Bruno. He and I hadn't talked much over the week, just quick IMs here and there, but yesterday, up he pops with a full day of messages. Back and forth we write, figuring out what is going on in the other's life, how they are dealing with the day to day, the mundane as well as the stressful, what they are happy about, what is really ticking them off. Where I get confused, however, is his behavior. Out of the blue he asks if I had seen the latest Star Wars yet, (I haven't), but then never follows through. I try and prod with basic questions, "Have you?" He hasn't. "Why not?" Not been in the mood to see it yet. "When did you want to see it?" Not sure. Then why did you ask me about the movie? This is a whole line of questioning that apparently wasn't supposed to go anywhere, because he just drops it. Ummm, hello? What the hell?
I should have left it. If I were a smart girl I would have left it, but noooo. Not me. I cannot sit back and just let the boy chase me. If I see him floundering I will not only through him the damn rope, I will help him guide the whole damn ship back to shore. I'm living in the South now dammit! The boys are supposed to chase! I am pretty enough for the guys to chase! I'm finding my inner fabulousness, (although, honestly, I think most of it had abdicated its rightful place in my soul for a whirlwind tour of anyone but me), and I'm working on helping others to see it.
Anyway. I invited him over to watch a movie. (No there wasn't any hanky-panky and shame on you for thinking there was!) Of course that was a whole other trial. I hadn't gone out and bought a DVD player yet, and apparently the video store near me only carries DVDs now. That's what I get for shopping at Blockbuster. So I ran to my friendly Target, bought a player, as well as the movie we had wanted to watch, "Shaun of the Dead". Excellent movie, by the way. I laughed out loud while holding a pillow next to my face for the occasional zombie.
Maybe he didn't want to chill with me last night, but he's already called today just to chat as well. Am I not supposed to guess that he is attracted to me?
I really never will understand men. On a whole other side note, Kenny Wayne Shepherd is coming to town! I'm thinking I'm going to his concert on Thursday. Probably by myself. Wish me luck on the courage to do that.
And then there is Bruno. He and I hadn't talked much over the week, just quick IMs here and there, but yesterday, up he pops with a full day of messages. Back and forth we write, figuring out what is going on in the other's life, how they are dealing with the day to day, the mundane as well as the stressful, what they are happy about, what is really ticking them off. Where I get confused, however, is his behavior. Out of the blue he asks if I had seen the latest Star Wars yet, (I haven't), but then never follows through. I try and prod with basic questions, "Have you?" He hasn't. "Why not?" Not been in the mood to see it yet. "When did you want to see it?" Not sure. Then why did you ask me about the movie? This is a whole line of questioning that apparently wasn't supposed to go anywhere, because he just drops it. Ummm, hello? What the hell?
I should have left it. If I were a smart girl I would have left it, but noooo. Not me. I cannot sit back and just let the boy chase me. If I see him floundering I will not only through him the damn rope, I will help him guide the whole damn ship back to shore. I'm living in the South now dammit! The boys are supposed to chase! I am pretty enough for the guys to chase! I'm finding my inner fabulousness, (although, honestly, I think most of it had abdicated its rightful place in my soul for a whirlwind tour of anyone but me), and I'm working on helping others to see it.
Anyway. I invited him over to watch a movie. (No there wasn't any hanky-panky and shame on you for thinking there was!) Of course that was a whole other trial. I hadn't gone out and bought a DVD player yet, and apparently the video store near me only carries DVDs now. That's what I get for shopping at Blockbuster. So I ran to my friendly Target, bought a player, as well as the movie we had wanted to watch, "Shaun of the Dead". Excellent movie, by the way. I laughed out loud while holding a pillow next to my face for the occasional zombie.
Maybe he didn't want to chill with me last night, but he's already called today just to chat as well. Am I not supposed to guess that he is attracted to me?
I really never will understand men. On a whole other side note, Kenny Wayne Shepherd is coming to town! I'm thinking I'm going to his concert on Thursday. Probably by myself. Wish me luck on the courage to do that.
Sunday, May 29, 2005
Waiting for the Music
I'm not sure if there is anything more sad (could say pathetic, but I don't want to look bad) than just hanging out at the house, alone again, trying to figure out what to do with my time. Well, I guess that isn't true. I could have all the blinds closed, all the curtains drawn, sitting in the dark rocking back and forth. No one really wants that.
The boy decided that he was done with me a couple of days ago. Apparently he'd made that decision earlier in the week, but waited until Thursday to tell me. On the phone no less. Am I such an imposing figure that all the boys I date end our relationships on the phone? Or e-mail? I drank most of yesterday, but it didn't really numb anything. Waste of damn good rum too.
Had long talks with Bruno. Like him a lot, he has the potential to be a good friend. The only problem is that he is so damn busy, has so many other friends, I can't monopolize his time. The other kink is that he is a good friend of the boy. I want to be careful there. Don't want to rely on him, especially when he plans on road tripping to "Dunno" sometime soon. I'm seriously going to have to find more friends, but they are all out at the stores. I'm thinking there has been a mad dash lately and no one informed me. Totally sucks dude.
Meanwhile, I've been sitting here forever waiting on yahoo's music to play on a consistent basis. I hate having to wait. Patience really isn't my strong suit.
Did the switch of stuff with the boy yesterday. He's still got one of my books and I'm pretty sure I have a shirt. But the important stuff came back. My handcuffs and my Muppet Show DVD collection. You know, the essentials.
Other than that, another day is being wasted. I am almost finished with the afghan I'm making for one of my employees. She provided the materials, I'm just making the thing. I hope she likes it. If not, she can always sell it.
Wish I had something to do tomorrow. I really need to go grocery shopping. The cat has next to nothing to eat. And all I have is Diet Coke.
"Lord, here comes the flood/
We will say goodbye to flesh and blood."
The boy decided that he was done with me a couple of days ago. Apparently he'd made that decision earlier in the week, but waited until Thursday to tell me. On the phone no less. Am I such an imposing figure that all the boys I date end our relationships on the phone? Or e-mail? I drank most of yesterday, but it didn't really numb anything. Waste of damn good rum too.
Had long talks with Bruno. Like him a lot, he has the potential to be a good friend. The only problem is that he is so damn busy, has so many other friends, I can't monopolize his time. The other kink is that he is a good friend of the boy. I want to be careful there. Don't want to rely on him, especially when he plans on road tripping to "Dunno" sometime soon. I'm seriously going to have to find more friends, but they are all out at the stores. I'm thinking there has been a mad dash lately and no one informed me. Totally sucks dude.
Meanwhile, I've been sitting here forever waiting on yahoo's music to play on a consistent basis. I hate having to wait. Patience really isn't my strong suit.
Did the switch of stuff with the boy yesterday. He's still got one of my books and I'm pretty sure I have a shirt. But the important stuff came back. My handcuffs and my Muppet Show DVD collection. You know, the essentials.
Other than that, another day is being wasted. I am almost finished with the afghan I'm making for one of my employees. She provided the materials, I'm just making the thing. I hope she likes it. If not, she can always sell it.
Wish I had something to do tomorrow. I really need to go grocery shopping. The cat has next to nothing to eat. And all I have is Diet Coke.
"Lord, here comes the flood/
We will say goodbye to flesh and blood."
Thursday, May 26, 2005
Cpt. Morgan....my new best friend
What is it about relationships that makes you physically ill?
Is it the lack of communication?
The lack of sex?
The lack of physical intimacy?
The constant bullshit and mindgames?
Ahhh. Wait, I know. It is the complete lack of consideration when keeping a date. Of course. It is always the simple things that can cave a perfectly substandard coupling. Why hasn't anyone come up with this as an answer before? I'm not sure how it was missed. Isn't timeliness one of the Deadly Sins?
"And I guess I'm still pretty angry,
And I don't want to be.
I don't know which was the bigger waste of time,
Missing you or wishing instead it was me."
The Captain is the only one who understands me now.
Is it the lack of communication?
The lack of sex?
The lack of physical intimacy?
The constant bullshit and mindgames?
Ahhh. Wait, I know. It is the complete lack of consideration when keeping a date. Of course. It is always the simple things that can cave a perfectly substandard coupling. Why hasn't anyone come up with this as an answer before? I'm not sure how it was missed. Isn't timeliness one of the Deadly Sins?
"And I guess I'm still pretty angry,
And I don't want to be.
I don't know which was the bigger waste of time,
Missing you or wishing instead it was me."
The Captain is the only one who understands me now.
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
Holy Hell Batman...
Apparently someone has been reading my blogs (the very few that I have) and have been waiting for me to post again! My profound apologies to any and all. I had no clue that anyone was even reading my blathering. Wow. Don't I have a little egg on my face.
Where do I begin? I've moved to Louisville back in July of '04. Life is different here than it was in K.C. People are different, less busy, more friendly, more.... hmm: Southern. One of the main challenges to moving out here was moving away from everyone I knew and trying to make new friends, date and work all at the same time.
Making new friends is going slow. I can't socialize with people I work with because they work for me. I hate the bar scene because you aren't really looking for new friends, but someone to meet on a more intimate level. You don't always want to be friends with someone you are sleeping with! (Sometimes it is just about getting laid.) I've made a couple new friends, but I'm still working on it.
Dating has just bottomed out again. I've been dating one guy for a couple of months, but apparently if I don't go see him, he doesn't really have time for me. Thinking this means that "He's not really into me." Really this is just a pain in the ass, but what are you going to do? Eh, oh well. Life goes on in obscure nations anyway.
Work is not something that I even want to think about today.
Sorry again folks. Or just folk. I'll get my act together eventually. Meanwhile, I'll try and post more. At least more than every 9 months!
Where do I begin? I've moved to Louisville back in July of '04. Life is different here than it was in K.C. People are different, less busy, more friendly, more.... hmm: Southern. One of the main challenges to moving out here was moving away from everyone I knew and trying to make new friends, date and work all at the same time.
Making new friends is going slow. I can't socialize with people I work with because they work for me. I hate the bar scene because you aren't really looking for new friends, but someone to meet on a more intimate level. You don't always want to be friends with someone you are sleeping with! (Sometimes it is just about getting laid.) I've made a couple new friends, but I'm still working on it.
Dating has just bottomed out again. I've been dating one guy for a couple of months, but apparently if I don't go see him, he doesn't really have time for me. Thinking this means that "He's not really into me." Really this is just a pain in the ass, but what are you going to do? Eh, oh well. Life goes on in obscure nations anyway.
Work is not something that I even want to think about today.
Sorry again folks. Or just folk. I'll get my act together eventually. Meanwhile, I'll try and post more. At least more than every 9 months!
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