Watching traffic

It is simply amazing how boring I am. The only life I really have is with work and that is sucking major.

Well, let me back up. The main reason I haven't been writing all that much is because I've been working way too much. Six to seven days a week, 60 to 70 hours a week. I come home, do jigsaws on the computer for a couple of hours and then go to sleep so I can do another day of it. I've had the DVR running, but was unable to really check out what I've been recording until yesterday. I've got to tell you, I haven't been missing much. I had to make myself watch the last couple episodes of House, and found that I was fast forwarding through all the interpersonal bullshit, to just when they were dealing the the health problem at hand. I did the same thing with Numb3rs and Criminal Minds. Which sucks because normally I really like these shows, but now I'm just bored by them. I have yet to be able to force myself to watch Grey's or Standoff. The only thing I've enjoyed was Bones, Heroes and .... well, that was pretty much it. I'm waiting to watch Studio 60 until the next one is taped.

But it really pisses me off, because usually this is one of the few escapist things I enjoy and I can't even find interest in it! Is it because tv is vapid or because my stress level at work is increasing and my happiness level with my personal life is decreasing? (of course I should have used another work for happiness, but I can't come up with it. Maybe my brain cells are dying, but I'm not drinking enough to cause a sudden loss.)

Other things that irritate me is that West Wing is no longer on Itunes for me to buy individual episodes. I had no idea they were going to come off when the series ended. Plus, I've had a headache for the last two weeks, a ringing in my left ear for the last month, the Wellbutrin isn't working the same for me as it is for my friends and family, I haven't had sex in so long I'm not sure I remember how and I have no social life.

Not that people aren't trying to help me with the life thing. Stais wants to come down between xmas and new year for a couple days, although I'm not clear if it is just her or her and Phil. Not that it matters either way, I'll still have to plan stuff to do. Capt. Optimism has been sending messages again. He was telling me I should go out with friends to take the stress level off. I think he was including himself in that, but he (and I know I'm going to hell for this) resembles Lerch after a 3 month all you can eat buffet bender. There is nothing about this guy that attracts me, interests me, nothing. And yet I don't cut him loose. I feel awful for feeling this way about the guy. He's perfectly nice. What the hell is wrong with me? Even when I think about hanging out with people, I see it as them coming over to my house, bringing food and drink and us all hanging out on the couch.

I'm going to be 34 in a couple of months. I'm single. I'm overweight. I'm discontent in my job. I have no social life to speak of. I have two cats. I tool around in a house with too much space for me and the cats. What the hell am I doing with my life? Where am I going? I feel like I'm just watching the traffic go by, not even interested enough in seeing where they are going.