Actually, that can't be completely true, but I swear there are days it feels like it.
In short, nothing much has passed since the last time I wrote - again not true, but I don't have time to go into the employee who has a crush on me and the other employee that has a crush on her. Even writing it gives me a headache. Plus there is the manager I had to fire for being stupid, the whole black friday cluster and the lousy mood I've been in since October. On the other hand, there are the ghost sitings in my own home that I'm just so (read sarcastically) about. If one more item is thrown in my general direction I'm going to sage the whole damn thing, even though I'm not a professional and it will probably make things worse. Plus Stais and her boy(fiance?husband?) came in for Thanksgiving which I promptly screwed completely up. Then, to seal the deal, I was doing the dishes yesterday morning and sliced the side of my hand open on broken glass. It hurts to the touch so I'm of course outside yesterday afternoon raking the yard, doing more dishes and working on an afghan I need to get done because now I have orders for two more. And I didn't even realize I was selling the things.
To add to the total bizarreness of life, I've recently gotten in touch with a couple of old friends. By old I mean I haven't spoken to Captain Jack in a little over 7 years, and haven't spoken to Chuckles in, what, 15 years? I can't quite explain this trip down memory lane. These aren't friendships I am going to be able to revive. Too much time has past and we aren't the same people. I'm not sure if I'm sad about that or not. The end result is that these two were important friendships that I screwed up. I need to make amends and close the door.
Sometimes when you look back, it isn't that everything is rosy, it's just the rays of the setting sun glossing over the bumps....
Sunday, December 02, 2007
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Cheddar Beer Chips
I've been avoiding talking to you recently. So many odd things have been happening, but it only shows how boring my life is that it would be odd.
So, to start at the top:
My youngest sister called the other day. At midnight my time. I, of course, answer the phone with "what is wrong?" mainly because I hadn't heard from her since last December; I think. It turns out she is just drunk dialing, bizarre, completely freaking me out for no good reason, but what the hell are you going to do? She didn't just call me either, she called our other sister as well, so at least I was in some sort of company.
I had bigwigs in the store this week. It was scary enough to have me working several days a week, lets say 18, and putting in well over 70 just in one week's time. I guess it went ok. I'm taking the weekend to try and recover. I've been fairly lazy, but I really need to get in and find the living room. Meanwhile, most of the laundry is done as well as the dishes. Now, just to dig out the vacuum.....
Crap, what have I called this guy? Ahhh yes. Bruno. I know, I know, we haven't really heard from him in a while, but still, it keeps things lively. Anyway, he calls me a couple of days ago, on a Friday night, to ask me about living in on the north side of the river. Truly bizarre, because he isn't asking for himself, he's asking for his daughter, puts her on the phone and then when she and I are done, says we should get together for dinner on Wednesday. I don't even know what to do with this one. The funniest part of the conversation (actually the whole thing was humorous for the cynical), was that he gives me to his daughter and tells me before he transfers the phone, "Oh, and her name is Dawn." No shit. I've even met her a number of times, but he doesn't remember that because he's got so many groupies surrounding himself. I was going to tag him, but perhaps I'll just preserve his slight anonymity. At least with the blog no one reads.
Meanwhile, I've been reading. Laurell K's latest just came out and I devoured it. I was pleasantly surprised, because there was a plot and everything in this one. I love it when she goes back to her roots and actually writes a story, not just sex scenes strung together by segues.
Mary Janice just dropped a new one which was great. I'm confused by the "13 o'clock" issue with BabyJonTM, but I'm sure it will be wrapped up in the next one that won't come out for a year. Of course, there is the latest Evanovich, which I enjoyed. Stephanie was less easily freaked out. Honestly, if the girl is getting herself kidnapped and tortured and whatever other less desirable circumstances she is going through, don't you think she would be a little more jaded by now? I'm not sure how I feel about Harris' latest. The end of the book kind of struck me as echoing her racist friend. I'm going to let it simmer for a month or so before I read it again.
I've been buying way too much music again. I curse that Itunes! Although, I found an album and artist that I have stuck on permanent rotation. Although his website is starting to piss me off. Having said that Joe Bonamassa is pretty damn good.
And for the last of my raving, Cheddar Beer chips are truly kick ass.
OK. I feel better now.
So, to start at the top:
My youngest sister called the other day. At midnight my time. I, of course, answer the phone with "what is wrong?" mainly because I hadn't heard from her since last December; I think. It turns out she is just drunk dialing, bizarre, completely freaking me out for no good reason, but what the hell are you going to do? She didn't just call me either, she called our other sister as well, so at least I was in some sort of company.
I had bigwigs in the store this week. It was scary enough to have me working several days a week, lets say 18, and putting in well over 70 just in one week's time. I guess it went ok. I'm taking the weekend to try and recover. I've been fairly lazy, but I really need to get in and find the living room. Meanwhile, most of the laundry is done as well as the dishes. Now, just to dig out the vacuum.....
Crap, what have I called this guy? Ahhh yes. Bruno. I know, I know, we haven't really heard from him in a while, but still, it keeps things lively. Anyway, he calls me a couple of days ago, on a Friday night, to ask me about living in on the north side of the river. Truly bizarre, because he isn't asking for himself, he's asking for his daughter, puts her on the phone and then when she and I are done, says we should get together for dinner on Wednesday. I don't even know what to do with this one. The funniest part of the conversation (actually the whole thing was humorous for the cynical), was that he gives me to his daughter and tells me before he transfers the phone, "Oh, and her name is Dawn." No shit. I've even met her a number of times, but he doesn't remember that because he's got so many groupies surrounding himself. I was going to tag him, but perhaps I'll just preserve his slight anonymity. At least with the blog no one reads.
Meanwhile, I've been reading. Laurell K's latest just came out and I devoured it. I was pleasantly surprised, because there was a plot and everything in this one. I love it when she goes back to her roots and actually writes a story, not just sex scenes strung together by segues.
Mary Janice just dropped a new one which was great. I'm confused by the "13 o'clock" issue with BabyJonTM, but I'm sure it will be wrapped up in the next one that won't come out for a year. Of course, there is the latest Evanovich, which I enjoyed. Stephanie was less easily freaked out. Honestly, if the girl is getting herself kidnapped and tortured and whatever other less desirable circumstances she is going through, don't you think she would be a little more jaded by now? I'm not sure how I feel about Harris' latest. The end of the book kind of struck me as echoing her racist friend. I'm going to let it simmer for a month or so before I read it again.
I've been buying way too much music again. I curse that Itunes! Although, I found an album and artist that I have stuck on permanent rotation. Although his website is starting to piss me off. Having said that Joe Bonamassa is pretty damn good.
And for the last of my raving, Cheddar Beer chips are truly kick ass.
OK. I feel better now.
Sunday, June 03, 2007
The closest Karoke bar...
seems to be just down the street from me. Not a huge deal, if it were an actual bar, but instead it seems to be my neighbor, who opens his garage and has forgotten that not everyone else has been drinking and has to endure his singing. And while I'm no Koko Taylor, I can at least know that no one else is having to listen to me sing while I'm in the house. I'm much too civilized to do it outside. Oh the humanity.
In other shocking news, apparently I've been turned down by Stars and Stripes as a pen pal. I've not received a Dear Carrie, but I've not heard back from them either. Something about me must be unsuitable to be a pen pal. Not sure what that might be, probably my positive personality and uplifting wit.
So, I've been hanging around the house all weekend. Went out to get the basics in groceries earlier, but trying not to spend too much because I'm really mostly broke. Although, it has been kinda funny because Stais sent me this email this weekend pointing out a rocking chair, similar to another chair I've been contemplating. Of course, all I could think was, isn't $350 a little much for a rocking chair? Still, I can't quite find the chair I want either. The one at JCP, is 33" wide, and I'd like one a little wider. I know that I can't fold up into chairs like all the skinny girls, but that doesn't mean that I don't want to. Maybe I should just look for a loveseat that is Mission style.
It is a good thing I'm broke, however. I seem to be eating non stop when I have food in the house. Pretty sure I'll soon be as big as the house if I can't get that under control.
In other shocking news, apparently I've been turned down by Stars and Stripes as a pen pal. I've not received a Dear Carrie, but I've not heard back from them either. Something about me must be unsuitable to be a pen pal. Not sure what that might be, probably my positive personality and uplifting wit.
So, I've been hanging around the house all weekend. Went out to get the basics in groceries earlier, but trying not to spend too much because I'm really mostly broke. Although, it has been kinda funny because Stais sent me this email this weekend pointing out a rocking chair, similar to another chair I've been contemplating. Of course, all I could think was, isn't $350 a little much for a rocking chair? Still, I can't quite find the chair I want either. The one at JCP, is 33" wide, and I'd like one a little wider. I know that I can't fold up into chairs like all the skinny girls, but that doesn't mean that I don't want to. Maybe I should just look for a loveseat that is Mission style.
It is a good thing I'm broke, however. I seem to be eating non stop when I have food in the house. Pretty sure I'll soon be as big as the house if I can't get that under control.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Reality Check
So, after a craptastic day, I was just sitting here at home, enjoying a lovely game of solitaire (seriously I have no life) when I here a large boom outside. Well, across the street from my backyard is a military graveyard. I see people around the grandstand, and see soldiers lining up to shoot another volley. And I'm standing in my backyard in my socks, still in work uniform with tears in my eyes because while life sucks on occasion, it could be so much worse. I could know that soldier, it could be me in the grave, or I could be one of the ones standing over a loved ones' grave not able to share a laugh again.
So, I'm standing there in my socks, paying my respects from under my walnut tree, when I notice that some of the "mourners" are in t-shirts and shorts. Which struck me as odd, obviously, but this is southern Indiana and there could be any number of reasons why this is. I then notice one of the "mourners" in an antebellum dress with an umbrella over her head, even though it is ninety degrees and the sun is blaring. So I take a closer look at the soldiers and realize they are wearing period uniforms, specifically from the Civil War. And it hits me that this is just some historical mock up of a funeral. And I'm ticked off.
Now I realize that the world marches on, and those that don't know their history are doomed to repeat it, but there are enough new graves in that particular graveyard. The last row keeps moving toward me with no sign of stopping and I'm baffled. If these people wanted to "experience" a military funeral, I'm pretty sure they would see the real thing entirely too soon. I guess I have a hard time understanding why they need to view a historical funeral, when not 20 feet from their chairs is someone who was buried within the last year.
I keep thinking I need to do something noble with my life, but I'm so disillusioned by what I see, I'm not sure I can discern what noble is anymore.
So, I'm standing there in my socks, paying my respects from under my walnut tree, when I notice that some of the "mourners" are in t-shirts and shorts. Which struck me as odd, obviously, but this is southern Indiana and there could be any number of reasons why this is. I then notice one of the "mourners" in an antebellum dress with an umbrella over her head, even though it is ninety degrees and the sun is blaring. So I take a closer look at the soldiers and realize they are wearing period uniforms, specifically from the Civil War. And it hits me that this is just some historical mock up of a funeral. And I'm ticked off.
Now I realize that the world marches on, and those that don't know their history are doomed to repeat it, but there are enough new graves in that particular graveyard. The last row keeps moving toward me with no sign of stopping and I'm baffled. If these people wanted to "experience" a military funeral, I'm pretty sure they would see the real thing entirely too soon. I guess I have a hard time understanding why they need to view a historical funeral, when not 20 feet from their chairs is someone who was buried within the last year.
I keep thinking I need to do something noble with my life, but I'm so disillusioned by what I see, I'm not sure I can discern what noble is anymore.
Monday, May 28, 2007
The point again?
I have to agree with Jack, but please don't tell him I've been checking out his blog, that it is liberating to know that you aren't really writing for an audience, that mainly you are writing to keep yourself sane. Or vent. Or because those state ordered hobbies aren't really working out.
My life hasn't been any more interesting in the last few days. Although I swear I've gained four pounds because I oouldn't stop eating. In fact, I had a huge meal at Qdoba today, my absolute favorite fast (well it isn't really a sit down restaurant is it?) food joint, seconded by my guilty pleasure of Jack in the Box. In fact, when my parents were here a couple of weeks ago, they made sure to grab some tacos and poppers for me. Mainly because I'm a loser, but hey, that's already been spelled out. Digressing again. Anyway, even though I had this huge meal, (burrito and chips and salsa) my mouth was still hungry. I didn't go get anything, but it made me fidgety for the rest of the afternoon.
Of course, I'm dreaming about food as well. I'm not sure how many are familiar with the Food Network show, Good Eats, but he recently had a rerun where he was talking about the uses of tortillas, and was showing how to make nachos. It was really cool, he made this tier of nachos, and of course, loving food the way I do, I've been wanting to get my hands on some racks like that so I could do the same. I haven't really began looking, but all I could dream last night was these damn pans, floating out of my reach, or going to the store to buy some and they were all too small.
Now I recognize that there are a lot more serious problems to be had, but this is bugging me. My dreams are just taking a wierd turn. And not just my dreams, but my day dreams as well. Maybe I should just buy a guitar on the cheap to prove to myself that I can't play.
In other news, I watched several movies this weekend, including, The Queen, The Holiday and Stranger than Fiction. The last was, by far, the best, which tells what a film connisseur I am not. The concept is very cool though, and I don't think that Will Ferrell did a bad job with it. Not what I thought it was going to be, but still enjoyable. The last line said something about if you have a man who knows he is going to die and still takes the risk, isn't that a man you want to keep around.
Of course that made me think about what I'm doing with my life, and is it enough. I can stay in my house and eat until I'm as big as the house, but it doesn't really do anything for anyone. So I went to Operation Stars and Stripes to see if there was anything I could do. I volunteered to be a pen pal, and will probably send money or an entire care package, but I still feel pretty damn useless. I need to find something around here.
Either way, it wraps up another secluded weekend. I need to gather the kats and go to sleep. Work again tomorrow. Fun fun fun
My life hasn't been any more interesting in the last few days. Although I swear I've gained four pounds because I oouldn't stop eating. In fact, I had a huge meal at Qdoba today, my absolute favorite fast (well it isn't really a sit down restaurant is it?) food joint, seconded by my guilty pleasure of Jack in the Box. In fact, when my parents were here a couple of weeks ago, they made sure to grab some tacos and poppers for me. Mainly because I'm a loser, but hey, that's already been spelled out. Digressing again. Anyway, even though I had this huge meal, (burrito and chips and salsa) my mouth was still hungry. I didn't go get anything, but it made me fidgety for the rest of the afternoon.
Of course, I'm dreaming about food as well. I'm not sure how many are familiar with the Food Network show, Good Eats, but he recently had a rerun where he was talking about the uses of tortillas, and was showing how to make nachos. It was really cool, he made this tier of nachos, and of course, loving food the way I do, I've been wanting to get my hands on some racks like that so I could do the same. I haven't really began looking, but all I could dream last night was these damn pans, floating out of my reach, or going to the store to buy some and they were all too small.
Now I recognize that there are a lot more serious problems to be had, but this is bugging me. My dreams are just taking a wierd turn. And not just my dreams, but my day dreams as well. Maybe I should just buy a guitar on the cheap to prove to myself that I can't play.
In other news, I watched several movies this weekend, including, The Queen, The Holiday and Stranger than Fiction. The last was, by far, the best, which tells what a film connisseur I am not. The concept is very cool though, and I don't think that Will Ferrell did a bad job with it. Not what I thought it was going to be, but still enjoyable. The last line said something about if you have a man who knows he is going to die and still takes the risk, isn't that a man you want to keep around.
Of course that made me think about what I'm doing with my life, and is it enough. I can stay in my house and eat until I'm as big as the house, but it doesn't really do anything for anyone. So I went to Operation Stars and Stripes to see if there was anything I could do. I volunteered to be a pen pal, and will probably send money or an entire care package, but I still feel pretty damn useless. I need to find something around here.
Either way, it wraps up another secluded weekend. I need to gather the kats and go to sleep. Work again tomorrow. Fun fun fun
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Blues in the bedroom
I've been dreaming in sitcoms again. This is a fairly disturbing trend I noticed a few years back, when I was dreaming in "Friends" sequences fairly regularly. Needless to say I stopped watching the show for a few years and tried to find a life of my own. I found the life, and then promptly returned it as defective a year or so later. Of course, by then the warranty was done and the store didn't want to have anything to do with me unless I got a new life.
But I digress. Last night I dreamt my house was flooding, and I had to get my cats out, but I was also worried about friends that I couldn't find, including, don't ask why but Jennifer Love Hewitt and that gorgeous guy that plays her husband on the ghost show, Andre Braugher, I'm not even sure what he is on right now, and Vincent D'Onofrio. Hello wierd world. The worst part is that I couldn't get the cats together in enough time, and the water was closing in. I woke up in enough time, but after a few minutes, rolled back over into the same dream, with some different players and a dolls head that spoke to me.
Geez, I hate dolls.
Meanwhile, work sucks. The person I thought would be fired before I would, has been so now my stomach turns everytime I think of the job. In fact, I'm going in for a few hours today just because the boss is coming in this week and I want to make an impression. Hopefully this will be a good one. My resume isn't going anywhere, and I want to believe that the universe will step in with the right job, but I'm starting to get nervous. I just want out of the job, I stopped enjoying myself and it seems so wrong to stay when I hate it.
However, on positive notes, I finally painted the second bedroom the color green that I really like. It is a soft green from Ace, Winwood Spring, B33-2. Of course, the painting has been an ordeal anyway, because I went out to pick up some paint from Home Depot (friendly people there!) and ended up with this awful color, Spirit Whisper. Oops. Bright and loud, I had to paint over the damn thing. I'll give Ace its credit, the color worked out well, even though he had mixed it by hand and made me nervous. Now I have to decide how I'm going to decorate.
I've been daydreaming lately that I was blinded in some sort of worker's accident and after settling with the company, I sat around at home and taught myself the guitar and started playing the blues. I daydream that I'm pretty good, my voice improves dramatically (because believe me when I tell you no one wants to hear me sing) and I go to local clubs with sunglasses and a fedora (because apparently I will look better in hats if I'm blind as well, probably because I can't see myself?) and play a little on amateur nights, eventually working my way into practicing with bands, individuals wanting to play with me on a regular basis, inviting me out, etc. How awful is my life now if I'm daydreaming that being blind is better?
I need to be a better friend and call mine, but all I really want to do with my time off is watch sad movies and cry. I need to get out into the sun. Maybe Koko will cheer me up.
Just as a side note for Vincent D'Onofrio fans, Happy Accidents is pretty damn good movie. Just a random thought.
But I digress. Last night I dreamt my house was flooding, and I had to get my cats out, but I was also worried about friends that I couldn't find, including, don't ask why but Jennifer Love Hewitt and that gorgeous guy that plays her husband on the ghost show, Andre Braugher, I'm not even sure what he is on right now, and Vincent D'Onofrio. Hello wierd world. The worst part is that I couldn't get the cats together in enough time, and the water was closing in. I woke up in enough time, but after a few minutes, rolled back over into the same dream, with some different players and a dolls head that spoke to me.
Geez, I hate dolls.
Meanwhile, work sucks. The person I thought would be fired before I would, has been so now my stomach turns everytime I think of the job. In fact, I'm going in for a few hours today just because the boss is coming in this week and I want to make an impression. Hopefully this will be a good one. My resume isn't going anywhere, and I want to believe that the universe will step in with the right job, but I'm starting to get nervous. I just want out of the job, I stopped enjoying myself and it seems so wrong to stay when I hate it.
However, on positive notes, I finally painted the second bedroom the color green that I really like. It is a soft green from Ace, Winwood Spring, B33-2. Of course, the painting has been an ordeal anyway, because I went out to pick up some paint from Home Depot (friendly people there!) and ended up with this awful color, Spirit Whisper. Oops. Bright and loud, I had to paint over the damn thing. I'll give Ace its credit, the color worked out well, even though he had mixed it by hand and made me nervous. Now I have to decide how I'm going to decorate.
I've been daydreaming lately that I was blinded in some sort of worker's accident and after settling with the company, I sat around at home and taught myself the guitar and started playing the blues. I daydream that I'm pretty good, my voice improves dramatically (because believe me when I tell you no one wants to hear me sing) and I go to local clubs with sunglasses and a fedora (because apparently I will look better in hats if I'm blind as well, probably because I can't see myself?) and play a little on amateur nights, eventually working my way into practicing with bands, individuals wanting to play with me on a regular basis, inviting me out, etc. How awful is my life now if I'm daydreaming that being blind is better?
I need to be a better friend and call mine, but all I really want to do with my time off is watch sad movies and cry. I need to get out into the sun. Maybe Koko will cheer me up.
Just as a side note for Vincent D'Onofrio fans, Happy Accidents is pretty damn good movie. Just a random thought.
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Late as usual
Wow. I'm such a bad girl. A dirty, dirty bad girl. Well, not so much the dirty part, my social life has been consigned to one of the more boring parts of hell, but it has been entirely too long since I posted.
However, looking at the hits I've garnered, I can't say that anyone has missed me, and I'm ok with that.
I can't really complain about how things are going. I've turned 34 recently and I'm not sure how I feel about that.
Then, of course, I happen to call my parents yesterday to hear that the parents of my ex are coming by to talk about quilting or something. It is a completely random thing, and it threw my day right off its kilter. Not that I still care about the guy, but because I did care about him once. Not only was he a good friend, we loved each other.
So, anyway, I talk to my parents for a little bit, they get off the phone because they coming to the door, and I jump on the computer for my newest addiction, Slide Tiles, from a game I bought from Hoyle. Anyway, I check email and get this as my daily horoscope:
"An old wound might suddenly demand your attention. Now is your chance to heal from the past. If you're willing to look at the problem directly and acknowledge your part in it, you can move on."
Uh huh. Ok, so we fast forward to today, because I'm pretty sure you aren't interested in the ice cream consumption or the hours spent reading and catching up on what I've taped.
First, I have to call my parents because playing cool like I don't care what's going on in his life totally worked and they thought I didn't care. Anyhoo. Turns out he has gotten out of the career he's really good at, and decided to be an electrician because he wasn't getting to spend enough time with his kid.
Now, here is the dilemma: I'm not sure how I feel about that. Part of me is glad he is having a good life, happy he is happy. The other, major part is pissed off that he is married with a kid and a new career, when I couldn't get a date if I wanted and really have no interest in anyone seeing me naked at this point, even if I could get a date. If I look at it honestly, I'm insanely jealous of a man I haven't seen in almost 13 years. There is something seriously wrong with me.
However, looking at the hits I've garnered, I can't say that anyone has missed me, and I'm ok with that.
I can't really complain about how things are going. I've turned 34 recently and I'm not sure how I feel about that.
Then, of course, I happen to call my parents yesterday to hear that the parents of my ex are coming by to talk about quilting or something. It is a completely random thing, and it threw my day right off its kilter. Not that I still care about the guy, but because I did care about him once. Not only was he a good friend, we loved each other.
So, anyway, I talk to my parents for a little bit, they get off the phone because they coming to the door, and I jump on the computer for my newest addiction, Slide Tiles, from a game I bought from Hoyle. Anyway, I check email and get this as my daily horoscope:
"An old wound might suddenly demand your attention. Now is your chance to heal from the past. If you're willing to look at the problem directly and acknowledge your part in it, you can move on."
Uh huh. Ok, so we fast forward to today, because I'm pretty sure you aren't interested in the ice cream consumption or the hours spent reading and catching up on what I've taped.
First, I have to call my parents because playing cool like I don't care what's going on in his life totally worked and they thought I didn't care. Anyhoo. Turns out he has gotten out of the career he's really good at, and decided to be an electrician because he wasn't getting to spend enough time with his kid.
Now, here is the dilemma: I'm not sure how I feel about that. Part of me is glad he is having a good life, happy he is happy. The other, major part is pissed off that he is married with a kid and a new career, when I couldn't get a date if I wanted and really have no interest in anyone seeing me naked at this point, even if I could get a date. If I look at it honestly, I'm insanely jealous of a man I haven't seen in almost 13 years. There is something seriously wrong with me.
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