Treading Sand

Life is an oddity.
Work has been all consuming. I'm working 6 days a week and I am so mind fried when I get off, I just crawl onto the couch. I went and bought a membership to Anytime Fitness, but I've only been once. Of course, it's only been a week, but I still feel guilty.

I haven't heard from Shawshank. He hasn't been on the social media, he hasn't messaged me, nothing. I assume he is buried in work. I hope he is doing ok. The friend he tried to hook me up with has hooked up with someone else. I'm not surprised. Even virtually I cannot get guys to connect with me. It really isn't too much of an issue. With my life up in the air, it is hard to try and connect with anyone right now. I have no idea where I will be in a couple of months and no idea if I will get promoted.
Everyone and their brother will drop by the store on Thanksgiving and Black Friday so it will be an interesting test. The best part though, is that if I'm busy I will look like I know what I'm doing. I just have to be busy. I bought a shit ton of food for my peeps. We will be having BBQ for Black Friday, so it will be fun to have sandwiches and cookies during the holiday. And pie. I hope someone brings pie.

Either way, I find it so odd that I ran into someone I know at the grocery store today. I've been down here a year and a half, and I turn the corner and almost straight run into the guy I worked with in KC. He married the woman he was living with and they've been down here 4 or 5 years. We hugged and talked for at least 20 minutes in the middle of an aisle while families dodged our carts hunting their last minute Thanksgiving spices. He is going to tell his wife that he saw me, and I think I'm going to give him a job. I'll let my assistant decide where he wants to put him.

I've been so lonely down here, and a couple of months before I may leave, up pop old friends.

Holding My Breath

Things are picking up at work, which is good cause I'm already bored and bad because I only get one day off a week for the next 8. I did a fat lot of nothing today, played on the computer, listened to music, including Miley Cyrus covering Lana Del Rey. I've never heard Summertime Sadness before, but it was good when Cyrus did it.

I've got my tix to go to StL for xmas. I'll be staying with my sister, who, I'm sure, is losing her mind trying to figure out what she is going to do for all of it. My other sister is contemplating taking a job in StL, which would put her right back in the arms of the family, and the babies. Hell would have to freeze twice before I could find myself back there permanently. I feel like the bad sister/cousin/daughter/random family member because I can't go back. Meanwhile, I have about 49 days left until the holiday, I think, and so I have to keep my feet moving so the guilt doesn't take over.

I've turned off all chat again. I told Shawshank there might be a possibility I would move to the east coast for my job come January. He seemed excited and then dropped off the face of the earth, at least for me. He asked if there was a chance we would meet up and I said I was hesitant because I know his wife is not a fan of me. He insisted it would be fine, but still. I need to find new friends. I need to not be tired of people so that I could find new friends. I have no doubt there is a WikiHow on how an introvert can find new friends. I hope there is a WikiHow.

Glitterific

It's that time of year again at work. More glitter than one woman should have to deal with. After downstocking an aisle, I just bent over at the waist and shook glitter out of my hair. It was like a shower of shiny specks hitting the floor.

I feel guilty for leaving my cats for so long. They have put on a lot of weight. I'm limiting their food intake now, but it will take months for them to lose what they put on in such a short time. I feel terrible. I'm not sure I could've done anything different, but they shouldn't have to pay the price for my career objectives. Hopefully they will settle back in to the old routines. Hopefully I will be able to fall back into old routines.

I'd forgotten how much people can grate on my nerves, as well as be enjoyable. It's an even split. Work was busy and irritating and moved quickly all at the same time. I was more than ready to leave. I hit an established BBQ joint in McKinney after work. It wasn't awful. The brisket was awesome, but the turkey had too much pepper. We're thinking about having them do our potluck for Black Friday. So far I'm ok with it. I'd rather keep something like that local anyway.

My boss comes in Tuesday to see what I've gotten done. I'm hoping he's pleased with the progress. I'm hoping the next couple of months move quickly. One should never look for time to pass by, but I'm just not sure what is going to happen.

One foot in front of another.

Looking For The Patience Skill

I'm back in Texas. I'm not sure how I feel about it. Well, I actually know how I feel about it. I'm not happy, but I have to make do with the choices that have been made. I've been given several versions of how I did in Indiana, but there is no spot for me to just jump into. So I wait. My boss has told me that I have to do well in the position I'm in before I will be promoted. My big boss has told me that I have to take a class on having difficult conversations, and tour with another DM before I can be promoted. Who the hell knows. All I can do is continue to do the best I know how.
I am excited to be back in my messy apartment however. I need to make a batch of macaroni and cheese. With hot sauce.

I haven't heard from Shawshank in a bit. He is trying to set me up with his friend, long distance, and neither his friend is getting in touch with me, nor is he. Dumbass.

Wait. I have to amend that. I added him to a group app for friends and he has just decided to respond to a random text. Again. Dumbass.

I haven't gone to look for the gym yet. I should. I need to work out all these negative feelings. But chocolate is always a great substitute.

Missing That Kiss

Woke up after a vivid dream this morning of being kissed. That soft, then hard, then soft again. The angling of lips and your head and the uncertain feeling of what to do with your hands. I could almost still feel the pressure on my lips.  Holy cow I miss that feeling. It has been longer than I can even want to remember since I've had that feeling.

Shawshank has been trying to set me up with a friend of his. As his friend is over 1000 miles away from me I'm not sure how this is going to work, but his words are "I see you two and I think, huh, chocolate and peanut butter."

Last Minute Hair Adjustments

Someone has moved children, read teenagers, into next to me. Which sucks. Cause they are noisy and  annoying. But enough about the kids.

Drove down to Louisville and got my hair done from my favorite stylist. Also got to spend some time with Nic. He's dating, which is great, but now makes me the only one of the group who is left single. Whine whine. But at least he has found someone that he likes. I was getting worried about him a bit. He still hasn't found a job, but at least he has found someone to somewhat care for. He hasn't lost his mind on this one.

3 days until I'm back in Dallas. I have to have a meeting with the DM I have been covering for on Monday and Tuesday. The first day will be difficult, the second will be even harder. I have some good things to tell him and several bad things to tell him. It won't be fun.

In other news, I'm really tired of being alone. That isn't a shock I know. I will have to figure out what I'm going to do about the next two months. It will be me doing a lot of work. Hopefully one day I will be able to find someone, but I'm not going to hold my breath. I really really need to join a gym when I get back. That will have to be the first thing I do.

Had two guys tell me they loved me in the last week or so. They told me they wished they had married me when they had the chance. What does that have to do with my life now? Are they going to suddenly throw away the lives they have and live with me? (The answer is no). Is anything in either of our lives going to change with this statement? (Again no).  Is there a reason to share it with me? (I have no idea which is why I'm writing about it). Should I be still thinking about it? Should I have just been happy with the thought and left alone? Yes. Did I?

You aren't waiting for an answer, are you?

Killing Time

I am so slacking. I have a conference call later today, but I don't know how much I'm wanting to give it my all. I'm hoping as I wake up I'll get more involved. Well, probably not. I'm going to another store today and the manager there is just a back stabbing bitch. It's amazing how much I've heard about these people now that I'm leaving.
I'm really ready to go.