Well, I guess I'm not really all moved in. I'm in the new place, but not completely unpacked. However, I've got a good start on getting my life back in some sort of order. Of course, being without a t.v. for a few days I've overloaded on coverage about the hurricane that hit the south. I'm now completely depressed about what the world is coming to. At what point can you justify looting a computer because you lost your house? Food, water, the essentials I can understand, but new electronics I cannot. I am so glad that I'm not in that situation because I have no idea what I would do.
Because of that, everything I would have to say about complaining about the move, work, or friends, really seems to be moot. I may get past that in the next couple of days. Work is going to kick my ass for the next several days, even for a couple of weeks. I'm all about ready for another vacation, but I can't see that happening for a couple months.
My personal life isn't completely in the toilet, but it seems to be circling. I did meet one of my neighbors though. He introduced himself in the parking lot, came up and gave me a hand hanging my pictures, and invited me down to his place for a beer. I was suspicious about the whole thing, but after conferring with a friend, who we'll just call Trainwreck, he said, "This is how you meet friends." So, I went out and bought a six pack as a thank you for helping me get my place in the beginnings of order. My neighbor, Moe, was watching Nascar so we discussed the little details. After about an hour, I got up to go home and go to bed. Moe's clever response, "I have a bed." I congratulated him on that, but emphasized that I wasn't interested, I just wanted to get some sleep, thanked him for the offer (what is the appropriate thank you for something like that anyway?) amd went to leave again. After about 20 minutes of discussing why I wouldn't be sleeping with him, I finally got out of there to get some sleep. Yes, I could have just left, but I am trying to make new friends. Needless to say, I haven't heard from him again.
Oh well, I gave it my best effort, short of putting out.
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Friday, August 26, 2005
The Big Move
So today is the big move. I didn't sleep much last night worried about how it is going to go. Of course, on top of all of this, it is raining. I just want it to be done so I can go back to bed.
Thursday, August 25, 2005
Who invented packing?
I can't say that I know who invented packing, but they should be shot on sight.
I am so damn tired. The next time I make a major move, I am going to save enough money to have a company come in and do it for me. That being said, most everything is in a box. I have enough to shower in the morning, and a change of clothes, but everything else (of course this computer isn't) is in a box. They will be here early in the morning to pick up the major stuff and haul it to my new residence. Then I have to everything in reverse.
Isn't there a way to do this that is easier?
I'm going to start drinking now. Maybe it won't hurt as much then.
I am so damn tired. The next time I make a major move, I am going to save enough money to have a company come in and do it for me. That being said, most everything is in a box. I have enough to shower in the morning, and a change of clothes, but everything else (of course this computer isn't) is in a box. They will be here early in the morning to pick up the major stuff and haul it to my new residence. Then I have to everything in reverse.
Isn't there a way to do this that is easier?
I'm going to start drinking now. Maybe it won't hurt as much then.
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Packing it in
Who accumulated all this crap? I'm sure it wasn't me. I haven't had enough money to buy all of it. Perhaps it was the cat. He's been looking shifty lately. And I'm amazed at the crap that I've kept over the years. On the other hand, I've been able to shred a bunch to use as packing material.
Everything is an absolute cluster. All this crap is going down at work and I'm getting calls all the time. Of course, my boss expects my assistant to be able to run the place when I'm not there, but since he doesn't seem to be aware that my assistant's head is so far up his own ass he can't do much of anything. Plus, I've been given a new assistant and I keep hearing from her as well. This just isn't what I expected my vacation to be.
This cleaning thing is completely overrated, too. And to top it all off, my parents are on their way to help. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm glad they are coming to help, it takes a load off my mind, but I've had to pack/hide some of my toys in advance. Now I really don't have anything to help me take the edge off. At least I still have alcohol. It is almost time to hit the margaritas.
Just to give everyone a heads up, (and by everyone I mean the two or three people who actually read this damn thing) I'm going to without access for a few days and therefore unable to update. I am trying to be better about posting more often, but there will be a lag for a few days. I'm thinking mid-next week.
Everything is an absolute cluster. All this crap is going down at work and I'm getting calls all the time. Of course, my boss expects my assistant to be able to run the place when I'm not there, but since he doesn't seem to be aware that my assistant's head is so far up his own ass he can't do much of anything. Plus, I've been given a new assistant and I keep hearing from her as well. This just isn't what I expected my vacation to be.
This cleaning thing is completely overrated, too. And to top it all off, my parents are on their way to help. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm glad they are coming to help, it takes a load off my mind, but I've had to pack/hide some of my toys in advance. Now I really don't have anything to help me take the edge off. At least I still have alcohol. It is almost time to hit the margaritas.
Just to give everyone a heads up, (and by everyone I mean the two or three people who actually read this damn thing) I'm going to without access for a few days and therefore unable to update. I am trying to be better about posting more often, but there will be a lag for a few days. I'm thinking mid-next week.
Monday, August 22, 2005
Partying like I have a clue
Yea for me!!!!! I found a place to live. Of course, it isn't a house, but it wil work for the interim. In fact, I think it is bigger than my current place and for less money! Excellent!
This, however, means that I need to get my packing into gear, but it is the little things that can bite you in the ass. My parents are coming into town this weekend to give me a hand with the moving. Of course, my mom also wants to paint, but we will have to see with that. I just want to get in there and not have to worry about the stupid shit. Is that really possible though? What if life is really made up of worrying about the stupid shit?
Whoa. Heavy dude.
Anyway. It seems things have gotten back on track. We'll see how long it lasts.
There is that crazy optimism again!
This, however, means that I need to get my packing into gear, but it is the little things that can bite you in the ass. My parents are coming into town this weekend to give me a hand with the moving. Of course, my mom also wants to paint, but we will have to see with that. I just want to get in there and not have to worry about the stupid shit. Is that really possible though? What if life is really made up of worrying about the stupid shit?
Whoa. Heavy dude.
Anyway. It seems things have gotten back on track. We'll see how long it lasts.
There is that crazy optimism again!
Saturday, August 20, 2005
Looking ahead to the ending
""Let there be a day
just for picnics, with wine and bread."
Gathered up some people he had made/
Created blankets and laid back in the shade."
I love that song because it is just how I feel about the powers that be. There are never any real answers. No "turn left when you see Main Street" or "Don't go hunting for a friend/companion when you've had more than 4 beers." There is nothing definite in life, not when you are making major decisions. Although, I guess it isn't always the major decisions that always effect your life; sometimes it is the little ones too. Of course on top of that, you never know when the little decisions are going to make a difference in how your life will run. Even when I was younger, I wouldn't make decisions without trying to figure all the angles first. If I take this cookie, what will probably happen? A spanking. Can I deal with that? Yes. So I'd take the cookie.
When I was a kid I devoured the books that gave options that the protagonist could take. "If you go after Billy in the Hall of Terror turn to page 56. If you want to go back and question Professor Gigglebaum again turn to page 127." Then, of course if you ended up dead in a couple of pages, you would go back to that strategic point and choose a different option.
I'm in the same scenario, I suppose. I already know I have to move, but where do I move to? Do I cross the river and try to live cheaply in New Albany or do I continue to spend more money than I really have south. Do I take Stais' suggestion to move to Chicago seriously or do I stick it out in Lou'ville for another year just to see what happens? What would really be different for me up north? I'd still be in a town with only one friend to my name that lives there. It would be hellaciously more expensive there. I'd still be under the possibility of burning out a friendship by leaning on them too much. I really wouldn't change so I'd still be an overweight, shy, marginally attractive, slightly overbearing type A without anything to do on a Saturday night. On the other hand, living here isn't doing a hell of a lot for me either.....
Bonus points for me though. I went to see Bruno and his band play last night. Yet again I went to a bar by myself. I can't say that I'm getting the hang of it, but I'm doing better than I thought I was. Some guy even bought me a couple of beers. Of course, he escaped while I was in the bathroom, but next time who knows? Maybe the next guy will actually have a conversation with me! The possibilities are endless I tell ya. Bruno took a couple of minutes out of one of his breaks to say hello. Poor guy. I've given him a rough time lately. He keeps telling me I am one of his closest friends, and I keep telling him he is full of shit. I'm not sure how he can feel that we are so close when he doesn't really know me at all. I can't figure him out at all, but I think the point is that I'm supposed to take my time to get to know people. Instant connections don't happen all the time and trust is supposed to be built, not cemented on a gut feeling. Or something like that.
I've renewed my habit of repeating daily affirmations. My favorite is "It can't get any better than this." I've chosen that one because whenever you say that it can't get any worse, it always does. Back when I was seeing a "life counselor" (like that term? I think it is cute too) he would insist that I stand in front of a mirror naked and look at my body and then tell myself I was beautiful. Of course, after a doing this a couple of times, I got very upset with myself for lying to me like that. I didn't speak to myself for weeks after that. Now our relationship is tenuous at best. I really think the "better than this" works the best for me because it isn't exactly positive, but it isn't exactly negative either. I guess you could call it cautiously optimistic.
There are scads of other things to go over, including my visit from all the bigwigs, adventures in apartment/house hunting and my inability to get myself packed, but I think I'm going to catch a cigarette and turn in for the evening.
By the way, my public service announcement for the day is "Don't smoke. It makes you look stupid. I don't care how cool I look doing it, you don't look nearly as good doing it."
just for picnics, with wine and bread."
Gathered up some people he had made/
Created blankets and laid back in the shade."
I love that song because it is just how I feel about the powers that be. There are never any real answers. No "turn left when you see Main Street" or "Don't go hunting for a friend/companion when you've had more than 4 beers." There is nothing definite in life, not when you are making major decisions. Although, I guess it isn't always the major decisions that always effect your life; sometimes it is the little ones too. Of course on top of that, you never know when the little decisions are going to make a difference in how your life will run. Even when I was younger, I wouldn't make decisions without trying to figure all the angles first. If I take this cookie, what will probably happen? A spanking. Can I deal with that? Yes. So I'd take the cookie.
When I was a kid I devoured the books that gave options that the protagonist could take. "If you go after Billy in the Hall of Terror turn to page 56. If you want to go back and question Professor Gigglebaum again turn to page 127." Then, of course if you ended up dead in a couple of pages, you would go back to that strategic point and choose a different option.
I'm in the same scenario, I suppose. I already know I have to move, but where do I move to? Do I cross the river and try to live cheaply in New Albany or do I continue to spend more money than I really have south. Do I take Stais' suggestion to move to Chicago seriously or do I stick it out in Lou'ville for another year just to see what happens? What would really be different for me up north? I'd still be in a town with only one friend to my name that lives there. It would be hellaciously more expensive there. I'd still be under the possibility of burning out a friendship by leaning on them too much. I really wouldn't change so I'd still be an overweight, shy, marginally attractive, slightly overbearing type A without anything to do on a Saturday night. On the other hand, living here isn't doing a hell of a lot for me either.....
Bonus points for me though. I went to see Bruno and his band play last night. Yet again I went to a bar by myself. I can't say that I'm getting the hang of it, but I'm doing better than I thought I was. Some guy even bought me a couple of beers. Of course, he escaped while I was in the bathroom, but next time who knows? Maybe the next guy will actually have a conversation with me! The possibilities are endless I tell ya. Bruno took a couple of minutes out of one of his breaks to say hello. Poor guy. I've given him a rough time lately. He keeps telling me I am one of his closest friends, and I keep telling him he is full of shit. I'm not sure how he can feel that we are so close when he doesn't really know me at all. I can't figure him out at all, but I think the point is that I'm supposed to take my time to get to know people. Instant connections don't happen all the time and trust is supposed to be built, not cemented on a gut feeling. Or something like that.
I've renewed my habit of repeating daily affirmations. My favorite is "It can't get any better than this." I've chosen that one because whenever you say that it can't get any worse, it always does. Back when I was seeing a "life counselor" (like that term? I think it is cute too) he would insist that I stand in front of a mirror naked and look at my body and then tell myself I was beautiful. Of course, after a doing this a couple of times, I got very upset with myself for lying to me like that. I didn't speak to myself for weeks after that. Now our relationship is tenuous at best. I really think the "better than this" works the best for me because it isn't exactly positive, but it isn't exactly negative either. I guess you could call it cautiously optimistic.
There are scads of other things to go over, including my visit from all the bigwigs, adventures in apartment/house hunting and my inability to get myself packed, but I think I'm going to catch a cigarette and turn in for the evening.
By the way, my public service announcement for the day is "Don't smoke. It makes you look stupid. I don't care how cool I look doing it, you don't look nearly as good doing it."
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
As the toilet swirls
Not only does work keep piling up, stresses upon stresses knotting up my shoulders, but now I have to find another place to live in just 15 days. Maybe if I planned better, maybe if I had my shit together, I wouldn't be in this predicament. Oh well. I'm sure things will continue to fall into place. Like they've done so well so far. (Sigh)
I haven't found that much to move into so far. Lots of shady looking apartments, but what I'd really like to do is rent a house. If only I could find one that took my cat. That will be the harder part.
Everything else is going as quickly as a snail in a ass kicking contest. (Yea, I know that doesn't exactly work, but I really don't care either.) If I can finish out the rest of the week without my world going to hell in a hand basket, I might actually be able to enjoy my vacation.
We will see.
I haven't found that much to move into so far. Lots of shady looking apartments, but what I'd really like to do is rent a house. If only I could find one that took my cat. That will be the harder part.
Everything else is going as quickly as a snail in a ass kicking contest. (Yea, I know that doesn't exactly work, but I really don't care either.) If I can finish out the rest of the week without my world going to hell in a hand basket, I might actually be able to enjoy my vacation.
We will see.
Monday, August 15, 2005
Going through the motions
Another group of bigwigs are coming to visit. I hate the prep time for these visits. I never have all my numbers memorized, I get anxious, my staff feeds from my mood so they become anxious and we start bouncing off the walls waiting for company to come and tell us what is right or wrong with the house. They will be here on friday. The rest of the week will just be prep for it.
Of course to top it off, I was going to move into another townhouse in the complex, but I went to see it and I hate it. Hate it. So, of course I call my mom and talk to her about it. She's coming down on Wednesday to help me look for a place to live on the other side of the river. My house isn't clean, I'm not even remotely done packing and I'm trying to have a nervous breakdown getting all this ready. I want to be on vacation now.
Oh well, I'm off to work.
Of course to top it off, I was going to move into another townhouse in the complex, but I went to see it and I hate it. Hate it. So, of course I call my mom and talk to her about it. She's coming down on Wednesday to help me look for a place to live on the other side of the river. My house isn't clean, I'm not even remotely done packing and I'm trying to have a nervous breakdown getting all this ready. I want to be on vacation now.
Oh well, I'm off to work.
Friday, August 12, 2005
More stress, more tequilas
Hmmm, where was I at?
Ah. Doctor's appt. Nope, not preggers, but apparently not sick either. Guess I'll have to inform my body of that later.
Work is the same. Switching stores, which isn't a bad thing, but I feel bad about leaving the people I've been working with for the last year. Hopefully I can bring some with me. We'll see. My stress level is increasing though. I wish I had someone or multiple someone's in town to just relax with. I'm still trying to figure out how to meet people.
I'm moving soon as well. Not really going far, but I still have to pack. I'm trying to find motivation from the cat, but as you can see he isn't really helping. In fact, as I sit here writing this, he is giving me some pretty nasty looks. He would like his chair back. I can tell by the way he jumps up behind me and trys to muscle me out. He'll get over it. The worst part is that when I make margaritas, I make sure I watch the glass at all times as I've found him facedown in my cup.
I did alright at the bar the other night. Saw my favorite blues band, The Predators, playing and had a really good time all by myself. In public even. They are playing tomorrow night as well, but I so need to get off my duff and pack some boxes, I'm talking myself into not going. Besides, going to the bar by yourself on a Thursday is one thing, going on a Saturday night is a whole other proposal.
In other boring news, I've decided against finding a new bed partner. All the potentials I've talked to recently came from the same neighborhood, around the corner from Idiot Dr. and Chucklehead Ct. Is sex a necessary part of every conversation that I have with a man, or is it too much to ask that their brain not reside in their shorts? I'm now afraid for the state of the nation when these men actually believe the scenarios they saw in their favorite porn flick might actually become reality. And no, I'm not turned on in the least little bit when you ask about my long legs. Yes, they do go all the way up, as evidenced by my thighs and hips, but then what else would you expect? Did you study anatomy in school or did you sleep that month? Thanks for inquiring about their welfare, but as I'm ok, so are they. By the way, they find your conversations boring and mildly insulting as well.
Ah well. I've blathered on long enough. I have more procrastinating to do.
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
Still looking for the signposts
Do you ever have those 'aha' moments in life? Where you may be standing in a crowded room talking to absolutely no one and then suddenly dots in your head connect and one small portion of your life becomes crystal clear? I hate those fucking moments! You always end up looking remarkably stupid later on, something you've been trying to figure out for days, weeks, months or even years comes up and proudly announces itself as well as its intentions; and all of it relatively easy to figure out.
Of course Bruno isn't interested in me. He collects women like they are action figures. Why I don't know, but how could I have missed that? Now I've got to find another fuck buddy. Dammit I hate doing those interviews.
In other non-related news. I completely failed to find new friends tonight. I met up with a group of people who are also relatively new to Louisville, but didn't really connect with any of them. Going to have to continue to try. Think I'm going to try another event on Thursday, but will have to wait and see if I'm feeling up to it.
I haven't been feeling really well the last few weeks. People keep asking if I'm pregnant, but there is no real possibility on that. If I am, I've already screwed the kid up because I've been drinking fairly heavily the last few weeks. The doc should get back with me tomorrow to let me know what the hell is going on. Wish me luck.
Of course Bruno isn't interested in me. He collects women like they are action figures. Why I don't know, but how could I have missed that? Now I've got to find another fuck buddy. Dammit I hate doing those interviews.
In other non-related news. I completely failed to find new friends tonight. I met up with a group of people who are also relatively new to Louisville, but didn't really connect with any of them. Going to have to continue to try. Think I'm going to try another event on Thursday, but will have to wait and see if I'm feeling up to it.
I haven't been feeling really well the last few weeks. People keep asking if I'm pregnant, but there is no real possibility on that. If I am, I've already screwed the kid up because I've been drinking fairly heavily the last few weeks. The doc should get back with me tomorrow to let me know what the hell is going on. Wish me luck.
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