Delaying the Inevitable

I should be sleeping. I've been feeling sick for days. It is a sinus infection in the making. I'm not blowing blood yet, but it is coming. The headaches are coming more and more frequently.
I haven't exercised recently. I really need to get my butt back downstairs and on a treadmill, but I'm not feeling it. Lazy I suppose.

I haven't really spoken to Shawshank recently. We've texted a bit, but we've cut back on our communications a huge amount. Communications. Yeah. Well, either way, we haven't talked in a while. He's been busy with work and I have as well. I finished the huge tour last week. I have another visit coming this week, and another big one next week. Everybody wants to see me. I'm crazy popular.

I've got myself scheduled to be out here for 5 more weeks. I'm not saying I prefer to be out here, but I'm not sleeping well when I go home. It has a lot to do with my cats. They keep waking me up and wanting me to pet them. I feel awful that I keep leaving them, but I'm in a place betwixt and between. I just have to figure out what the heck I'm doing.

I wish I knew.

Cussing My Sinuses

I've been travelling with HR for the last two days. It is the annual fall tour and we have been on the road for what seems like forever. We were all over the place yesterday. Travelled and walked stores for 12 hours. I thought my feet were going to fall off.
Today was easier, but more windshield time. Tomorrow is going to be the longest day because after the tours, i have to drive back to Indy from Springfield. 3.5 hour drive. Then fly out at 8.
Blergh.

This Has Only Been A Test

So, because I'm curious, I'm not going to share this with Google+. Then I can see if people are viewing it, or if it is just cause Google wants me to feel important.

I'm not having a stellar day. I've creased the bumper of the rental. I start the big visit tomorrow. 3 days in the car with the head of HR. I'm just not that good a girl not to run my mouth. My sinuses are draining into my ear and my throat. I walked into 3 stores this morning, but didn't want to. I need to find another way to want to spend time in the stores I don't want to go into. It's really difficult to want to spend time in the stores where you want to knock people's heads together. Which, you can't do because that is illegal.

Of course, now I have to call LP tomorrow about the damn rental. It was my own fault. I misjudged the pole, and backed into it. Now there is this little crease. Fudge!!

I'm still exercising, but I'm just not getting into it as much as I'd like. I'd like to think that I would just be so excited to be doing it, but I'm really not. The only positive thing is that my pants are looser, but when I get on the flippin scale, it still says that same weight.

I did pick up a new to me artist. The Derek Trucks Band. I'm enjoying the music. I hope the head of HR likes Blues. Cause if he doesn't it will be a long 3 days.

White Trash-A-Palooza

I've had about a bottle of wine, and am flipping through the channels. At this point I'm watching both Why Am I Married and Drive Angry. It is just screwing with my mind. And Drive Angry is just the Hoosier filled drama. And it is a Nic Cage filled drama. And it is awesome. And completely terrible and awful.

I am loving the weather out here. I have missed fall so much in Texas. There is no discernible fall down there. It is just hot all the time, until January. The leaves are changing, the air is cooler, the smell has this incredible taste to it that you can't put your finger on.

I've been so melancholy today. I got up and worked out, came back and took a nap. Cause it was apparently difficult today to get my shit together.  The nap was wonderful. I could've used a little bit longer, but I hadn't double locked the door and thought maybe the maids would come in.

Of course, now that I've had a bottle of wine, and I'm totally craving chocolate and salt, I'm all weepy during Why Did I Get Married or whatever the hell I'm watching.  Cause it is sad and everybody is transitioning. And it is sad.

My sisters are hanging together, but I opted not to drive in to St Lou this weekend. Amy's having a great weekend spoiling my niece and Sarah get's a minute not having to worry about both kids. Not that she can't handle the kids, I'm sure she is just enjoying a second minute of breath.  Fact is I'm a little bit jealous. But, I also needed a weekend to myself.

Feeling Petty

I want to sit and whine this morning. I want to be a pansy, but I'm sitting here watching a tribute to a fallen officer who was killed yesterday here in Indy. A 5 year officer who went in to help a woman who was being abused and ended up killed. I was wondering why the police cars had black flags on them when I saw them yesterday.
I want to be naval gazing. It makes me look bad, even to me.

I am so hungry. And I've already eaten.

Whimpering in the Fetal Position

So I put in a full hour of exercise this morning. My toes went numb, my muscles feel shaky and I was actually moaning while working out trying to get through it. I feel like a pansy, but I'm glad I was able to get it done. 

Now I should shower and go get my clothes clean at a laundromat. I have not been at a laundromat in years. I'm not even sure the last time. Maybe KC? I have to because the hotel I'm at doesn't have one. I've emailed my boss to see if I can go to a higher priced hotel. We'll see what comes of that. I should just done it and asked forgiveness later, but hindsight is 20/20.

Gathering My Courage

Sitting here in the hotel watching Moneyball and it seems to be resonating with me. I can completely understand trying to change a whole group's thought on how they are doing their business. I have been working on doing the same thing out here with these people. Sometimes it works. There are some people in the area who are taking what I've given them and run with it. There are others where I just want to smack them. 

I have to go back to a store tomorrow, after I stopped by today and just got so ticked off I couldn't walk with the dept. mgr. So I went to the next store, wasted my time by even stopping. 

Didn't exercise today. I feel kind of bad. I know I should give myself some time to not exercise, but I had a huge dinner and I have been so hungry. I've been trying to watch what I eat, but I had a big dinner. I was just happy I didn't have the appetizer before dinner. 

I think I should start yoga, but I also don't feel coordinated enough either. 

Spoke with Shawshank today. Spoke being a loose term. More messenger'd him. He started, but I feel a little out of sorts. It's that either I don't understand him, or he doesn't understand me. Some days I just don't think I'm getting the real guy. And, quite honestly, if he doesn't have the time or inclination to be real with me, why am I wasting my time with him. Maybe it is just that my oldest friend isn't matching up with the guy I have built up in my head. That isn't his fault. That's mine. So, I'll let him be for a while. 

Shaking Muscles

I've been working out downstairs. Sweating and when my muscles started warming up I felt pretty good. The chair for the recumbant bike is killing my ass though. I should have stayed longer, but I really didn't. The other guy in the weight room was grossing me out.
I weighed myself though and I'm extremely depressed. I haven't lost any weight according to the scale. How extremely sad. All of this work and I've just got tone calves.
So I've skipped dinner and now I'm starving. Had a little bit of oatmeal for breakfast cause the options in this hotel kind of sucks. My lunch should have satisfied but it didn't. I ended up getting chips that I shouldn't have and they were awesome. They are the Ruffles Honey Mustard and wow. And now I know why the updated Kia Soul Hamsters look better than I do. 

Circling Back to Someone Else's Beginning

I'm back in Indy. At a not as cool hotel as I was before. With another Chevy Cruze!! Holy crap.  Of course, now that I know that you can change the car to run from automatic to manual I watched that thing like a damn hawk.
Got in late last night. Slept poorly, tossed and turned. Didn't exercise this morning. Still haven't showered yet. I am having lunch with an HR today so she can give me tips on my travels next week.

But I'm ready to be over all this travel. I can see the end of this and I guess I'm ready to be past it. I hope this will change over the course of the day. But I'll be honest. I could go back in bed today and stay there.

And the GM of the old hotel has already texted me this morning to say hello and that he hoped I would have a great day. That was nice. We'll see what happens there.

Sucking Wind on the Elliptical

I am home for 24 hours. I've noticed a few things.
1st: having a multiple cat home means your house smells like cats. I have to fix that. How to fix it I have no idea, but I will have to do something. I have sprayed down the house with Febreze and still it hasn't completely fixed it.
2nd: I don't exercise well at home. I really need to join a gym. Since I still have no idea when I'll be home permanently, but I should really get my shit together.
3rd: when I don't take my Strattera I get twitchy hungry. Luckily there is nothing in my house to eat. Almost literally, there is nothing but some chocolate and a bottle of wine. I need to take a shower and get cleaned up so I can run to Fuzzy's. I have a thing for their Big Salad. With shrimp and avocado ranch. I really want some soft tacos as well.

Anticipating Happiness

I haven't had a bad day at all, and I kind of expected I would. Last night went out to Decatur and saw my cousin, while I was out working in Springfield. We had awesome pizza (a thin crust with mashed black and refried beans as the sauce, fresh garlic on that, lettuce, chicken, etc.), and I let her know I was interested in women too. I'm only 40. At some point I have to actually date a woman to be called bisexual, but I'm thinking the intent helps. Now if I could just find the balls (I know, I know) to ask one out.
But, first, I have to keep working on losing weight. I have to keep working on being happy with me. It's hard. Sometimes I want to kick my own ass. Sometimes I feel like I'm not doing enough to be better at my job and goodness knows I could exercise more. But I will eventually be the person I'm supposed to be. It's only taken me 40 years to figure out how that I should do that. It won't happen by magic. No matter how much I keep wishing for a magic pill.
Had a great compliment from one of my employees today. She asked where I was going and I told her I had no idea. She said she thought I was really good at the job I was doing and she enjoyed having me work out there. She asked her department manager what she thought, and the manager asked if they could keep me.

But I still have no idea where I'm going to be working in 2 weeks.

Berating Myself in Front of the Treadmill

Which isn't actually true. I am pretty disappointed in myself for how I did on the bike this morning. Only 18 minutes, which is better than I have on the last two outings, but still. I want to be thinner, I want to be healthier, but I can't resist the carrot cake muffins or spend more time on the bike. I didn't get on the treadmill this morning. Perhaps I should have started there this morning and walked until my shin splint kicked in, but I want to rest the pain. I had a good workout. I felt like I was actually working. I'm still sweating, but I wanted to be able to spend more time on there.

I'm just in a cranky mood. Maybe it's PMS. Wait, no, it can't be that. Hmm. Hopefully a cold shower will help. So I can drive down to one of my not favorite stores and then drive prob 4 hours. I need a distraction. My brain and my libido are taking me to the dark side and really, one shouldn't fantasize for hours. About people she has no business fantasizing about.

Stretching Out Those Sore Muscles

These shin splints are killing me. I've been trying to figure out how to stretch the muscle. I found a very nice Marine in the weight room this evening (cause I worked out a second time today), and he gave me a stretch to try. I am so out of shape that I'm having trouble doing it. But, I'm doing what I can. The front of my shins are rock hard though so I feel slightly better. But not better enough.

I will switch my workouts though. Less treadmill, which apparently is easy for me now, and on to the bike which made me sore, and the elliptical. Which I find difficult to work. I guess I need to start researching gyms now. I really could use some direction on this and a trainer would be the best way to go. I just have to find the courage to go into a huge gym where I am going to be crazy self conscious about the way I look.

This is a terrible version, but All I Need has been on constant rotation on my music lately. It makes me yearn for something, but I'm not sure what that is right now. Well, I have an idea. I want to be pinned to the wall and be kissed until I lose my breath.

I'm not sure what to do about Shawshank. I find that I'm constantly editing what I tell him. I don't think he wants to hear all of the dirty in my head, which isn't exactly directed at him. He gets prissy when I text him stuff like that. I think I'm going to have to pull back from him a bit. I'm not sure if he is trying to abide by what I originally want which is to not tease each other to a frenzy and he's gone over to the lollipop side, or if he just is that uncomfortable with those discussions. If he's that uncomfortable maybe the experiment is a bust. Or, maybe I just let it go and I fake my friendship with him and let him tell me to keep my chin up and all the other cliche shit he's been giving me lately.

My  favorite Bonamassa song is this one. It isn't the best version, I love the version from his live album, A New Day Yesterday Live.

I have to shop for some new music now. I'm out of work your ass off and be grateful for it music.

Mid Afternoon Pleasure

Is it wrong for anyone really to just, every once in a while, need to pull off to the side of your day and make your body sing?

In other news. I'm a little cranky today. Not sure if it is cause I found out my out that my assignment has been given an estimated end date, or the fact that I can see me going back to my old job in a few weeks and I'm already annoyed by the crap we have to deal with.

Conversations Under the Covers

You know you aren't feeling the workout when you are talking to yourself in bed trying to convince your body to get up so you can walk in place for half an hour.

And all the traditional arguments aren't getting you up.

All in all, I didn't even make 20 minutes although I did walk a mile this morning. Today was rougher than normal. I'm guessing I have a shin splint and it is just making my leg drag, not to mention it hurts. I'm whining though. I want to enjoy this exercise thing. I really do. I read blogs and google things and talk to people, but I'd rather be naturally thin. It isn't going to happen and I realize that. I just have to get over walking and start running. The only thing is I need a sports bra for my ass. I've tied down the front, but when I run my rear is bouncing all over and it is actually sore from all the bouncing,

As for yesterday. That day just bit ass. Talked with one manager, who started doing big tears like I'm going to care. Get over yourself. If you did your damn job I wouldn't be here kicking your ass. I went to my next store and I enjoy that store, but had to chide them a bit too for stupid shit. I'm trying to decide which store I'm going to next, or if I'm going to go to one today at all. I absolutely should, but I really need to take some time doing paperwork too.

We'll see. After I take my shower I might just crawl back in bed,

Reorganizing my Life Goals and Fashion Sense

I've had a long talk with Shawshank tonight, via messenger of course. He told me to put my goals in life in order. Quite honestly, I don't know that I really had life goals. I did once. A very, very long time ago. But life changes, and things become different. The goals I had once no longer fit my life and I've been sort of drifting for years. I've had several short term goals but nothing long term. So, he made me list out what I want.

• Get to the next step in my job.
• Mentor those who are coming up so they can move higher than me.
• I want to trust and be trusted in a relationship
• I want to fall in love and share my life with someone

Some that I didn't share:

• I want to be happier with myself; the decisions I make and the way I look.
• I want to feel more confident in who I am and more comfortable with the way my life is going.
• I want to be a better friend.

But, like I shared with him, I miss having friends close. I miss having people who give a damn about me close to me or able to share more of their lives with me. I need to have people who know who I am, all of it, the good and the flawed and still like me. I want friends who will accept me for myself even when I am having trouble doing so. 

Shawshank wants to be a support system, and to an extent he is, but I told him I need to find others, ones I won't feel bad about sucking their time. What I didn't say, is I want someone I can rely on. He has his own agenda for being my friend right now, and I am not sure I know what it is.

He wants me to go out and scratch my itch, but I make terrible choices. Toddlers looking for something tasty to eat in the medicine cabinet make better choices than I do dating.  He says to rely on friends to be help me be a better person.

For the music portion, Golden makes me think more than I should and Seven seas is just good old school music. 

The big question at the end of all of this is, how do I do all of these things? 

Hiding with the Toy Soldiers

It is wicked early. I've been up for a couple hours already and am sitting in the family room at my sister's, alternating between work and playing on Tumblr and Google.  More playing than working to be honest. If I was a good kid, I would be clearing out my email, but I'm just not that dedicated. I'm also listening to my sister's Rottweiler snore on the couch next to me. Poor baby just dropped on the totem pole again as my sister finally had her second kid. This one is a boy. I've never ever babysat or messed with in any way baby boy's so when I was asked to change his diaper I was a little stunned. All the parts are there the way they are supposed to be, it was just weird I guess, since it isn't anything I do on a regular basis.
I'm thinking that I haven't seen that many guys naked that close up either though. Or it has been so damn long that I have forgotten it all. Probably so damn long.
Anyway, I'm in my hometown paying homage to the kid. First thing I do, after being up for 15 hours or so is open a wine bottle instead of oohing and aahhing over him. Which has upset my parents and confused my brother in law's father. Being that I have made it to the ripe old age of 40 without kids of any kind, or regular interaction with kids of any kind, they aren't high on my list of things I need to geek out over. That may make me a bad person, but I'm becoming more and more comfortable with understanding my own needs and quirks and interests and not conforming to any one else's standards.  If I can't learn to accept me, no one else will. That doesn't make me bad, it makes me as unique as everyone else. And the worst part is that most people accept me for who I am, I'm the one who has a problem with it.
Anyway, I pour myself a glass of apple wine (my absolute favorite), and have the little one thrust into my arms. He's got the same old man look all babies do, and is sleeping. Once I figure out how to hold the kid and drink at the same time I am good to go.
After a couple more hours of playing with the 18 month old who is loving all the attention, I finally get to go to sleep, before everyone else and I feel a bit bad about that. I mean, my sister is the one who had the kid, but I asked several times what I could do to help and apparently there is nothing I could do. Except donate my reserve bottle of wine to her cause. She deserves it. She worked hard. She was unable to drinkj any apple wine so she can have mine. I'll just have to have Nic pick me up some more.
Speaking of Nic, I had a good time with him yesterday. I went and got my hair done and then popped over to his house for bs and a movie. The movie was Percy Jackson and it was ok, but the good time was hanging out with Nic, getting to see his family who really does like me and worry about me. I miss those people. I don't think I'm going to get the Indiana job on a permanent basis, although it would work out really well if I did. It is close enough that I could go to Louisville and St Lou on a regular basis and not feel overly guilty.
My niece is up. I can hear her cooing to my sister.

Looking Under the Bed for Motivation

I'm sitting in the hotel bed, trying to find some motivation to get my ass up and get on a treadmill.  I'm failing. I'm just sitting here, watching a Haven marathon on SyFy.  Cause I"m sad and sorry. And I am loving this. Love this show. Love the fact that there is one person for another, and you can tell because you can only feel that other person's touch. Of course, the show has progressed since then. And it doesn't mean that those two are fated. In fact, they go to lengths to show that other people can be affected by lack of touch or troubles.
Of course, everyone on the show is gorgeous, but the thought kind of gives me hope. It is completely romanticized, but ... it makes me feel happy. I should be walking the treadmill. Or doing situps.

Shaking my head

Yesterday was one of those days where you just wanted to smack someone. This day isn't starting much better. No access to work email, which shouldn't be a problem normally, but I'm sure someone is trying to get a hold of me. Somewhere.
I did have a shot, bad food and too many beers last night. I haven't slept well. Which means I'll be sleeping early tonight. I have to be on the road at 5:30 a.m. to get to Louisville to see my favoritist hair styler, have her fix the mop on my head and then catch a movie with Nic. From there it is off to St. Lou to see my sister and the new kid. Sunday, sometime, I'll limp back here. For another fun filled week of who is dumbest today!
Even bigger deal tho, I did socialize last night at the hotel bar. Talk to strangers while I texted Shawshank whining about not losing any weight. He says to see a trainer. And I know he is right. But, for right now, I only went a half hour on the treadmill (which a month and a half ago I couldn't do) and then an extra 10 on the bike. I think I'll try the bike first on Monday and then move to the treadmill. Once I figure out how to move the damn seat back.
Of course, I was giving Shawshank all kinds of trouble but he didn't want to play. He was a choirboy. And now I have no one to play with. It's hard to be a sinner when you are surrounded by saints.

Well, crap. I finally figured out why I'm not losing any weight. Apparently if I want to lose weight, I have to exercise for over an hour a day! I'm having trouble walking on the treadmill for half an hour to 40 minutes before I'm bored and my calf is hurting. A full flipping hour? Where the hell am I going to find the motivation for that?
I also left the fitness community on Google+.  I couldn't stay on a community where they kept showing pictures of scantily clad women who are also rocking those 6 pack abs, etc. It was not doing anything for me but making me feel inadequate. I can do fine on my own for that, I really and truly don't need any help.

So, for those of you reading, and I think there is at least one. How do I motivate myself to workout more when I'm not enjoying the work out I'm doing now?

Body Rebellion

The interesting part of this journey is how I'm changing. I was in Springfield to tour a store yesterday and just decided to see my cousin last night. I've been keeping myself busy, I've been going out and sitting by myself at bars and restaurants while I eat. I travel to see family and friends. I honestly think this is the busiest I've been in a while. In a very long while.
I've also been teaching myself how to put on makeup correctly, spending money on things so I can look more professional when I go to stores. And the exercise. I even went and worked out tonight, which is almost unheard of. I didn't push myself too hard. My leg has been bothering me. Not the back part of my calf, but the front. In fact, it was so tight I had to stop for a minute and try and stretch it. I want to feel good about the fact that I am exercising, but I also feel like I should be doing more.
On the social front, however, I've seen ice cubes that have more warmth than my social life right now. I see people in the hallway at the hotel and I smile and you would've thought I had given them an indecent proposal then and there. I cannot figure it out. In fact, tonight, I was in the fitness room and this guy walks in. I smile, he rolls his eyes and gets on the treadmill next to me. So I went back to my thing. He runs on the treadmill like he's trying to push the machine into another room while I am still (apparently shamefully) am walking on my treadmill. I'm careful to keep my eyes to myself, but my leg bothers me so I finish early. Sure enough, I'm bringing my laundry down and there he is, waiting to get on the elevator. I smile and say Hi and he looks at me under his eyelashes like I've felt him up. Granted, I've lived in Texas for a while, but I would've swore that basic politeness was something people looked for.
It was the same thing this morning at the hotel in Springfield. I'm trying to be nice and these people are staring at me like I've got horns growing out of my face.  If this keeps up I will never be able to date again. And, while I'm not body confident enough to jump in the sack with someone, I would like to go out and have a conversation with someone. Actually, what I'd really like is someone to pin me against the wall and kiss me like something would break inside of them if they didn't do it right that moment.
Maybe I should join a boxing class to work out this extra aggression. And work my upper body.

All the Love that Tums Built

I broke the rental car this morning. Not on purpose, mind you. It was just that the Cruze couldn't accelerate at the rate I needed it to. And, when I finally allowed it to rev back down the check engine light came on. I'm all for great gas mileage, but it has to be able to toss itself out the window and speed up when needed. Big props to Enterprise. They took the car back without complaint or question and gave me the pick of what I wanted. I looked at the Cadillac, but went with a Charger. I know the Charger since I drive one on a regular basis. Actually I picked the keys for the Avenger, but the guy behind the counter laughed at me. He asked me what car I wanted and gave it to me. Enterprise really does have the best customer service I've come across.
I'm still stuck in the handicapped room at the hotel, but it's only for two weeks. In fact, I can't come back to this hotel because the room rate is higher than approved. That is a new stipulation so I will obey and I choose another hotel up the road. I hope they have a weight room. I really do want to keep up with my exercising.  Or the pretense of it. I walked 40 minutes this morning. And then! Woo! I used the weights. I know I keep saying this, but I need to get set up at a real gym when I get back to Dallas. Something with a trainer who can keep me in line so I get my ass up at 5 am to drive down there and work out. I sent a text to a friend this morning asking where the cute lesbians were to help me get my shit together. She said they were all waiting for me to get my shit together. Tsk. No man or woman to be had. What's the fun of self improvement if there is no one to comment on it?
And, of course, I went out and dropped a ton of money on make up and hair conditioner. The problem is the conditioner is the bomb. It makes my hair feel so silky. The other is a primer for my makeup so my eye makeup will stay. Otherwise it's just this dark smudge. Of course, now I feel like I'm just shellacking the makeup on, but darn it, I want to look professionalish.
Long drive tomorrow. Back to Illinois to see some stores, stay a night out there, and then come back on Wednesday. I don't even think I'm going to have time to have an office day this week. Thursday and Friday I'm spending some serious time out up north. One has inventory and the other is just a hot mess. And then off to Louisville to get my hair done. It's been over a year since I've seen my regular stylist. The one who created the look. She will wax my neck, and finally fix the mess that is the back of my head. I'll catch a movie with Nic and then off to St. Lou cause my sister is getting induced this week. I may get to meet my new nephew. I shall call him Fred. No one else will, but until my sis beats me for using the wrong name, I'll get to call him whatever I want.

Flying by the seat of my pants

I have flown down to Frisco, TX and back to Indy in less than 18 hours. My cats are unhappy with me. I feel incredibly guilty about dropping in on them and leaving. I don't have a real choice in the matter, if I want to get promoted, I need to do this traveling. It doesn't make sense to the girls, they are just ticked at me. And, I think they peed on my bed. I had to sleep in the guest bed because the smell was waking me up, and the girls were walking me up. They kept meowing in my ear and running their claws down my back. There was more room for all of us on the king, but still. They kept track of me the entire time I was in the apartment. Didn't matter what room I was in, they were there too. Poor babies. I'll be back in 2 weeks, but it will be another quick turnaround. I feel like an awful mom.

Meanwhile I have the head of HR coming to my area in 3 weeks. I will have to completely on my game for this visit. I have to know what I'm doing, but there is so much I don't really know. So I'm also going to have to be on top of faking it.

Had a great chat with Shawshank this weekend. We talked about a little bit of everything. It seems he is trying to learn how to be friends with me again. Dumbass. But I absolutely can not turn down the chance to reconnect with him. I seem to be doing most of the talking, but that's ok. We've set up boundaries and I think I can work with what we've set up. Goodness knows I need to concentrate on work.

I've been listening to Joe on heavy rotation, including dislocated boy and too much ain't enough, which are both awesome songs.

I also must celebrate the exercise. I didn't think I was seeing results, but the belt was looser on the plane. It isn't a big deal, but not having to ask for an extension was huge. So, it'll be back on the treadmill tomorrow. I won't transform overnight, but I have many changes I want to make. I'm disappointed in the person I've allowed myself to become. I can do better than this.

I was going to post a photo, but it's damn difficult to figure that one out.