I just need to take these few minutes to complain about things that friends are tired of hearing:
- Capt. Optimism
- Food Poisoning
- My own inability to get off my ass and get shit done
- The stories in my head
We'll start with Capt. O. I recognize that he is having some issues of his own right now. His mom is ill and dying and he's the only child... It is hard and impossible for me to imagine what he is going through. However, it doesn't detract from the fact that he is chronically unable to call when he says he is going to or follow through on plans that he makes. Case in point? I was supposed to be camping with him this weekend. Right now we are supposed to be on a lake fishing. Not only did he forget that he made these plans (meanwhile I took the weekend off) but he can't even remember that we made alternate plans to go fishing either today or tomorrow. As I haven't heard from him in a week I'm going to have to guess that we aren't going, but damn it, at least tell me so. Would I be as annoyed if we were sleeping together? Probably not, maybe a little more, but how damn difficult is it to pick up the phone, send a text message, lob a brick through my windows?
And while it is probably a good thing that we didn't go as I'm still recovering from food poisoning I got last tuesday, it still irritates the hell out of me. Of course, that is another thing, how long does it take to recuperate from throwing up for 12 hours off and on? My stomach still doesn't feel right, if I do too much I feel like I'm dizzy and going to start throwing up all over again? Going to the grocery last night was an adventure that I didn't enjoy at all. ( I know it's gross, but that's why I can tell you - no one is actually reading this!) Where do you go for a timetable on being that sick? How long does it last? When will I feel better?
Which leads to getting me off my ass. I don't need to wait for anyone to go fishing with, or to a Triple A baseball game, etc, but I sure as hell don't want to go by myself. What's the point of going to anything like that if you can't share it with someone? I'm not looking for a lifelong committment here, just someone to enjoy myself with. But I'm too scared to do these things by myself. So the ultimate catch 22. I don't want to end up alone with no one in my life to enjoy the little things, but I'm frightened to go out on my own and meet the people I would be hanging out with. So I'm doomed to be alone wishing I was braver. Of course, I might be a little less depressing if I wasn't listening to My Chemical Romance, but the album is really good.
The only thing I have left is the stories I use to fill my head with before I go to sleep, when I'm standing in the shower, when I'm talking to people that bore me at work. I suppose to should start writing them down. I'm not sure why, maybe as an exercise. It will at least keep me away from the mindless crap on television and the refridgerator, but it isn't really easy in the end, is it? If it was easy to write, wouldn't everyone? Isn't everyone doing it know? Perhaps it is easier than I want to realize.
Before I forget. Let's do a little clean up as well. My writing back and forth with Chuckles ended fairly quickly. Did I make amends? Probably not, but not for lack of trying on my part. Capt. Jack however, I'm still out to lunch on that one. We write back and forth every week or so. Nothing truly revealing is given and but it isn't bullshit fluff either. I get the distinct impression he's been writing me when he's a little blue and bombed. A few weeks ago, after several intense emails I offered my number in case he needed someone to talk to. Which apparently was the wrong thing as he launches into this diatribe about how his wife wouldn't like it and blah blah blah. So, of course I hasten to inform him that I was just being support and had no interest in him romantically and respected his wife for everything she's done to keep a relationship together as it isn't really easy to do such a thing. I got one thing about the fact that he's helped keep the marriage stable and then nothing. This has been about a month now. Maybe I'm just inept at keeping friendships together. Is it possible to be a hermit in the middle of a suburb?
