Nothing's gonna change my world

I'm so not a very nice person. And I'm going to hell. Probably at the same time. I ran into Moe in the parking lot a couple of days ago. I was on my way to work and he was coming out of his place at the same time. We exchanged small talk and I went on my way. Though that isn't the reason I'm going to hell. Nope, the idiot just walked up to my front door and wanted to come in. I told him it wasn't a good time and he assumed I'd been taking a nap. The real reason I didn't want him coming in was because I was watching an old episode of MASH and I didn't want to miss it. I ran with the sleeping thing and told him I would be by on Sunday. Course, I'm working all day Sunday, but he doesn't know that. It also doesn't help that the apartment looks like a tornado swept through it. Clothes are everywhere. I haven't even had a shower and I feel like something you've scraped off the street. I'd feel worse about it, but he says, as he's apologizing for waking me up, "I thought I'd come over and you could cook dinner." What the fuck? I've heard of people inviting themselves over for dinner, but not before it is made! I swear I don't understand this guy.
Trainwreck sent me some pics of KC. I think I miss the town a little bit. Especially images like this. There may not be much to KC in terms of landscape, but when the sun comes up, the whole world can see it in Kansas City. Apparently he also believes I should be in Chicago, but it really is a moot point now. I've already taken the new position and I can't exactly up and move. Plus, there is still potential here. I just haven't found it yet. I always had a good time with Trainwreck though when we'd go hunting for pics or just hanging out. He is one of my friends that enjoys life for what it is. He even posts his pics online here. I visit it from time to time to remember what Kansas is like, and sometimes to remind myself why I left.
Work has been crazy busy. Today was my day off and I spent the whole damn day at my old building. But we got everything audited. So that helps, a little, although I'm having difficulty caring. I'm working this weekend too, which completely bites. Oh well, I have to get used to doing things the hard way. My boss dropped by yesterday too. Kept saying, "I hope you are half as excited about this opportunity as I'm excited for you." Then he started talking about what an great opportunity I have to move up if I do well, because, "you know, there aren't that many women in your position in our company. You could really take off if you do well here." Why, yes, I'm well aware that my tits help me, but is my boss really supposed to point that out? I'm really not sure. The worst part is that I don't know how to take what he said. It could be that he is just speaking plainly (which I prefer), and stating the obvious. It does say something that I was given this position. My chest didn't get me this job, my talents did, which makes me feel better about what he said. And, yes, I know that it would look good for the company to promote me because a good portion of the company does reside on Mars, but that wouldn't diminish all the hard work I'm going to have to do to get there. And, on top of that, I don't know if that is what I want. I have too much crap on my plate now. I can't think about this.
I was talking to a friend today. He was going on about needing to find out what he wants to do with life. He is stressing about work, kicking thoughts around his head, trying to find what makes him happy. I sat and listened because that was what he needed most. I offered a few meaningless words and tried to help but I really couldn't. The problem is how many of us are really happy? How do we find what makes us happy? Not that I'm dissatisfied with where I am now, (which we all know I am), but how does one go about finding the thing that makes him or her happy? When I changed buildings, I was offered a severance package, or I could take the building I'm in. It wasn't forever long, but it was enough to make me stop and think. The only problem is I would have no idea what I would do with my life. I don't think I could go back and dust off my journalism degree and start at the bottom. I'm not even sure I can even write anymore.
Which brings me to my next mental dilemna. My mother is writing a book. The woman is incredibly talented at most everything she touches. She is an artist with fabric and now she is writing. Don't get me wrong, I love my mother very much. Our relationship gets stronger now that I've gotten older and we know how to deal with one another. Yet, my ego is still having trouble with the fact that my mother is more talented all around than I am. I thought I had skills, but I've been shown up. Of course, I've never said anything along these lines to her, and I am so very proud of her. But it all goes back to being happy. It has taken her to her mid 50s to find happiness and contentment with what she is doing. Do I have to wait that long? I'm not sure I will make it. I keep thinking of Steve Martin calling home to tell his mother he had finally found his "special purpose". When will I be able to do that, or will I ever? Is my lesson this trip to learn to love mediocrity? The day to day grind?
Pass the Baileys.