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This has had to have been the oddest week.

On Sunday I took my managers out for dinner and a meeting. I figured I could bond with them while they ate dinner. It didn't go poorly, but it wasn't the gasser I had hoped it would be.

Monday was a fairly routine day at work. I worked the late shift which wasn't awful, took a call from my boss chewing on me for numbers, blah blah blah. It was Tuesday where things started to turn. Somehow I twisted my back. Well, let's say my doctor believes that I've wrenched my back. I think that I'm being punished by the sarcasm gods for not living up to my full potential this last month. They are a really scary group, headed by Dennis Miller who wears a red cape (we are talking sarcasm here kids) and wields a dictionary with razor sharp pages and tablets for the covers. But I digress.

I didn't actually twist my back, but I realized about mid-day that from my mid-back to the backs of my knees, I had throbbing pain. And not in that fun way either. I inhaled tylenol and advil and went into the next day.

Wednesday I still had the pain and called the doctor. She prescribed heat and advil. I also went to yoga thinking if I could stretch out the muscles I would be ok. Hmmm. Yoga. Yea. Stais insists that I stay with it, but I have to tell you, after a half hour, I started watching the clock. I could only do so many rising suns, sleeping dog, swaying tree one more time before I belted someone. I was laughing pretty much the whole time. I couldn't really lie flat on my stomach because my chest elevates me about 3 inches off the ground. And, I'd like to point out, even though I am a larger girl, (we'll use zaftig cause most people don't know what the word means), I was still more agile than a lot of people in there. That being said, I cannot say that I enjoyed it. I tried to meditate, but as I suck at that, it wasn't very productive. Again, however, I digress.

Thursday, I couldn't get out of bed. I eventually had to literally roll out of bed, to hit the floor. As I stood in the bathroom, sort of hunched over, I realized that I couldn't make it through the day. Now, I realize that usually if you take medication, you usually are able to make it through the day, but as I had woken up about 2 a.m. and swallowed some tylenol, and then tried to get up about 4:30, either the medication wasn't helping or it was worse than the meds could handle.

Friday I saw the doc and she gave me, Lortab and Skelaxin, which apparently is a narcotic. Oh boy. I've been popping the Lortab like crazy, but I've kept away from the narcotic. The last thing I want is a drug I really like.

Interestingly enough, I also got a generic Prozac. This would be for my stress as well as my compulsory eating. Yea, I'm aware I haven't been telling you everything, but I also haven't been telling everyone everything.

Which of course leads us to the weekend. I can't do Yoga cause the doctor said to rest this weekend. All I did was read, watch older movies and bake cookies. Yep. That's what I said. Me without a domestic bone in my body made cookies all day yesterday and I have the ingredients prepped and ready for some baking again today. I'm not eating the cookies. Not even eating the dough. Just baking cookies. I have 3 freezer bags (the large ones) filled with chocolate chip, oatmeal and chocolate peanut butter, as well as a large container. I can't explain it, I just woke up yesterday with a burning desire to make cookies.

But back to the pain. I have to call my doc tomorrow and let her know how I felt this weekend. I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to say. Well, I know you wanted me to relax, but since my back hurts, I can't really lay down, since my butt hurts (oh yea, it would be different if I had used the damn thing in any sort of manner that would explain why the muscles in my ass hurt, but nope, nothing, nada. This is so depressing) I can't sit for any prolonged time with out shifting around like I've got hemorrhoids, the only thing that is comfortable is standing and there is only so much of that you can do in your own house.

So, as I'm on second pill for the day, and it is only 1 p.m., I now have to dive into the advil to help take the edge off. Doc said if I didn't improve with the medication she was going to send me to a physical therapist. What irritates me is that she ran no test, no blood work, no urine tests, nothing. If she isn't right, I'm going to be oh so pissy!

Now, I know I've been bitching for a while here, but there a couple other things I have to get off my chest before I go make cookies.

What the fuck is with Rita Crosby's voice? Is this person the first transvestite on a prime time news program? I swear I can't see her or hear her voice without thinking of MadTV. There is a comedian there (I don't know names. Wait, to the internet! Mo Collins) who I'm sure is imitating Crosby. Either way, I simply cannot take Crosby as a serious journalist, because she looks like an idiot and sounds like she's been smoking since she was six.

What the hell is wrong with Kirstie Alley and Jenny Craig? I understand that Alley has lost quite a bit of weight, but in what universe am I supposed to believe that was her that is tossed in the air during the latest commercial? I seriously doubt she was able to do that previously, so why should I believe she can do it know? The whole point of Jenny Craig is to make it look believable that the everyday Joanne can lose weight with them, not be flipped in the air by a bunch of men, who if I had to guess are 2/3 gay and professionals. That won't happen in my neighborhood or, for that matter, anyone's neighborhood unless they live next to a house full of professional cheerleaders, so it won't matter how much weight I lose, no wandering group of men are going to strut down my street and toss my lily white ass in the air.

And, yes. I saw I was tagged. Dammit. I'll get around to it later. The oven is calling me.