Quick and Easy Cookies

I do have to tell you though, I was talking to my sister earlier and told her to send me a gigolo for my bday coming up, and she said that I should just go to a all male brothel to take out any extra energy. As we got into it, I let her know that I didn't have that kind of money just laying around, and she said I needed to take out a home equity loan. How's a girl supposed to phrase that exactly? "I really need to get some things nailed at the house"? "I've been looking for a good screw, but the screwdrivers I've been using keep failing after so many uses"? I'm sure I have to fill out a form of some kind.... Just not sure what I would say on it.

I cannot even begin to explain the big ass shit eating grin I had on my face when I read your email. I've missed you so much. Losing you and **** (who you may or may not remember, but i was so incredibly close to both of you) at the same time was nearly devastating. Mainly because you were a friend. I talked to you in ways I never spoke with lovers. I figured (and to a small point still do) that if I lose someone that I was sleeping with, then I could say they weren't interested in my body or the way I kissed, etc. If I lose a friend, then it has to do with me. There was something about me that they didn't like, or more to the point, they were rejecting me.
I'm not trying to lay any crap at your door. What happened was the best thing for both of us. I needed to stop leaning on others to get through my life. And I did. I grew up, started thinking with my head instead of whatever feeling was flitting through my body at the time and became someone that, for reasons unknown, others will listen to and do what I tell them to do. Although, to be honest, all of that is slowing killing my soul and I really believe that if I knew how to cook I could almost enjoy that.
Hmmm. How much of a book should I make this?
I, of course, still choose men "below my station in life" (what are they teaching you out there?) because I cannot believe that anyone who has the same brains that I do would want to be near me. Of course, I've also been single (again) for about 3 years. Which is also slowly killing me.
I've been putting in about 60 hours a week at work the last few weeks cause we are short handed, and my boss came in yesterday to walk and talk. One of the things he said is that he wants my assistants to spend time with their families and he wants me to spend time with my cats. I laughed cause there is nothing else to do, but how incredibly depressing is that?
Oh well. I have dated since I got out here, and I even have a Chemistry account, but I don't really like people so I'm thinking finding the person who I'm supposed to be with will be something of an uphill battle. But I'm also working on jumping head first into relationships just cause some guy smiles at me. So I guess it has been a self imposed exile of sorts. Not that I was overwhelming busy before I decided to lay off for a year.
Trust me. I know I have a good life. I co-own a house with a bank and they even let me live here. I've got about $20 worth of equity built up so that makes me feel like I'm going somewhere. I have friends in town and spread out all over the country. When people talk about me, it is generally with a smile and a laugh and that is a good thing. I've traveled out of the country, experienced massive jet lag and fallen asleep in a hotel lobby with strangers all around me. My health, for the most part is good. I've never been skinny, but I'm by no means housebound by weight. I've been nesting though a little here, cooking up a storm for my employees at work; as well as making afghans left and right. I'm still working too much, but I know that at the end of February I can lay off a little.
It sucks that I'm by myself out here for the most part. I have friends, but they are all people I work with and no one I would just drop over to their house and chill. I am terribly lonely. The cats simply don't make for good conversationalists and I'm not sure if I know how to have a normal conversation with anyone. Chalk it all up to getting older in a week or so. When I was younger, I went to see a psychic of sorts. She read my cards and read my stars and said I was going to find my soul mate when I was 34. Every time something fell through I could always fall back on the fact that I was going to meet mine when I was 34. Well, I'm almost done with 34 and I haven't met mine. And I'm not sure I will. If you look at it logically with all the men and women in the world, there isn't always the true love people hope for. Perhaps I'm not meant to meet mine this spin of the wheel.