Trying to get back into my groove.

I don't care what the people are thinking
I ain't drunk, I'm just drinking

First I need to apologize for slacking on my posts, still. I haven't had any motivation to really do any commenting. Just nothing to say, you know?

Things have been fairly sedate lately. It helps that I've come to some conclusions about what I want and what I'm going to get out of life. I'm going to be 33 in a couple of months and of cuorse I'm still single. In fact, I'll be having Thanksgiving with just my cats this year, as I have in years past, but usually I drive into St. Louie to see the family the weekend after T-day. Now that I have the girls, I'm leary about leaving them for a day or two when Dev still harbors visions of punting them over the balcony. So, for the first time ever, I will be making a Turkey and the fixins on thursday instead of making a frozen dinner. I've been thinking about doing this for a little bit, which I think is what prompted my next major decision - to buy a house. I know that a lot of other people have already done such, but this is a pretty big step for me. This means that I will be planting my ass in Louisville (technically Southern Indiana) for a while. This makes this move pretty permanent. I know what kind of house I want, a Craftsman, and there are a few in Louisville to be had. Stais is still pushing for me to move closer to Chicago, but I don't know that that is the right move for me. If I wanted to live closer to a big city, I'd move back to St. Louis, but there is no burning desire for me to move back there either.

I think as I realize that I probably won't be leaving this area anytime soon, I also realize that I may not realize why I'm out here. I'd been having deja vu pretty regularly for a while, with just little instances here and there, but then it just stopped. Then the other day I was at work and it came out of the blue, but I remembered when I first had the dream, I remember talking to Stais about the oddness of the dream, it was the strongest feeling I've had in the building and yet the most depressing. I realized that my life is going on track, jsut the way it is supposed to and I cannot believe how boring, solitary and isolated it is. So, now it is time to make it permanent, cause changing cities isn't necessarily going to make it better, I'm not dissatisfied enough with the company to change and I can't transfer cause I just got this damn building. Fate is a tricky bitch.

I had an odd dream last night. (Stais, don't even bother to read.) I dreamt that old friends of mine where all together, the old gang, without Judy (no loss) and we were going to live together in a big ole house. I was so excited. I remember seeing DJ and Chuckles and i just held on to them. Stais says this is cause I haven't gotten over DJ, but I think it just means I miss my friends. I fucked those relationships up but good and it is one of my main regrets. I don't think I'll ever find a group like that again, and I'm not sure I should. I woke up so excited this morning, and was so disappointed when I found out it was just a dream.

Oh well, I have to get on to work, and make a last minute trip to the grocery store to pick up the stuffing essentials, a meat thermometer and a couple of yams. The yams make the meal, you know.