The odd things that make your heart flop

There has got to be something wrong with me. "You've Got Mail," which isn't a great movie, has a couple of excellent moments in it. Enough to make a single girl yearn for things she can't find. That scene in her bedroom when she's sick and he puts his fingers over her mouth to allow him to finish speaking. That always makes my heart melt a little.
Or the scene on the sidewalk when he is pouring her heart out to her. Who wouldn't want someone who wants to be with you?
Not the last scene though. Dumb way to end the movie.

An odd thing happened yesterday though. Another one of the managers came by to chat and we were talking about my self image. (Long story from vacation and Stais was mad at me, but we won't go into that here). The odd thing was that he decided to inform me that he is interested in me. Attracted was the word he used. And then said, "You know that, right?" How the hell would I know that? What does it matter anyway, as he is engaged to be married and is living with same girl? I swear I don't understand men.

I'm looking at houses now. I was talking with my sister about switching around stock and what it would take to slip money out of my 401k so I can put a down payment on a house. Of course, after I get off the phone with her, I go online and purchase books and then kick over to the Itunes and spend about $50 on songs.

I've been considering going on Match.com to find someone. It might, at least, get my ass out of the house.

At least I don't feel like I'm floundering anymore. I took the trip I was supposed to take. It does make me wonder though. I've always believed that there are certain things, lessons if you will, that you are supposed to learn. After this trip to Ireland, I was hoping for that "Aha!" moment. That zen when you know you've done something you've been waiting your whole life for, and all I felt was ...blah. No satisfaction, just the knowledge that I was supposed to do this, that I was ticking an item off my to do list. (Which means that I have to find someone with a Harley and con him into letting me ride on the back. I may have to give him a ride on my back, but, hey, I'm willing to sacrifice a few things.) The thing is, I don't feel like I'm driving anymore. What happens will happen if I'm an active participant or not. I was supposed to be in Ireland, so I was. It was the right step. What if I hadn't decided to go, would I have won a trip? Would my life be different? Better or worse? Does it matter? My life will unfold if I am active in the decision making process or not. Well, not if I'm active, but I don't see any sense of urgency. Nothing to worry about. If I died tomorrow, then that is what was supposed to happen. My own death used to make me sorry, made me cry, but I'm fine with it. I found a sense of peace in Ireland I didn't know existed for myself. Like I've been leveled out.

Kind of odd.

Of course, I have to continue to end with my favorite pics of Ireland. This is out of Kinsale. Actually, this is in front of the hotel, The Trident. Really cool place. We were right on the water and it was beautiful. On this day, we traveled to Killarney. That place was my favorite of the whole trip. That is where I want to be if I can just move there. But, this isn't Killarney. This place was beautiful too.