Excuse the whine

So while I'm on here whining and divaing, I'm still not sure what I should be doing. And not just in general. What do I want to do with my life? I'm in Indy now, but this is just a temp promotion. It isn't supposed to last. It is one more checkmark in my favor that says, 'Why, yes, we think this chick can do this job.'
The question is will this job make me happy?
I'm also working out, almost daily. Trying to eat smaller portions. I haven't seen any weight loss yet, except for a little more room in my bra. I'm going to keep up with it. I have to. I hate the way I look. I hate my size. I want to be healthier. I want to lose some freaking weight. But, how do I keep up with it when I get home? The eliptical is doing alright, but when I move too fast it freaks out. And, I shouldn't do it at 5 am because that isn't cool for the downstairs neighbor. I ran, though, today on the treadmill. Not for long and not balanced, but I did run. And not give up the machine when there was a line. I'm literally bigger than they are darnit. I think I need it more.
My friend Matt is coming in today. Actually I think it is more blowing through town. Either way I'll take him to dinner and then wave as he leaves me. Cause I'm cool like that. And I'll be alone in Indy again.
There is no clear path. There is no sign saying to walk this way. And forget about the yellow brick road. I don't know what to do to make me happy and I don't know if I'll ever know. Is it a partner? Is it a closer friend?
I'm depressing myself. Matt is almost here. We'll grab a bite and then he can get to St Lou.