I want to be an Air Force Ranger

Have I mentioned life is weird? Another week, another attempt at being a grown up and doing the right thing and failing miserably.
First: work hasn't been awful, right up until yesterday. There is a lot of paperwork and pulse checking with employees and making sure they are doing their damn job. Big dog meeting in St. Lou on Tuesday. Walking with managers in between and then the guy who is my boss before this temporary promotion calls me Friday to hand me my ass on something I didn't do a couple of months ago. I wish I could say I thought fast on my feet and was witty and a bit derisive to him, but I swear I was just driving with my mouth hanging open. Then he has the balls to send snarky texts later.  I was so frustrated. I actually gave thought to leaving the company. Friends jumped in later and pulled my head out of my own ass.  All in all a 12 hour day feeling ticked off.
And then what should have been the best part of the night. I'm all snuggled in bed in the hotel and my old friend texts me. I saw it coming. I wanted it to happen, I've missed him and like talking to him. We had great conversations about nothing and the past and the present. And then it got blue and then he called. We were on the phone again for 3 hours. Talking about nothing and everything and fantasies. And after we had gotten each other off, we start talking about his life and what's become of it. Whether or not he's happy. How much he loves his wife... well. Now that I think about it, I'm not sure he used those words. But he did mention that he is lucky to have her and that they are together and that they will be together forever. And he said if he thought I was going to go all Glenn Close and cook the rabbit he'd behave more.
Let me be clear, while I love him and always have, I'm not in love with him and can never picture us together. Having said that, we are the flip side of each other. We have this equal parts juvenile relationship, where all we do is insult each other, as well as comfort and prop each other up, stroke each other's egos and give advice. We were talking about my woeful lack of a love life, when he starts in about how good looking he is. Cause there is no ego on my boy. He said that guys are interested in me, I'm just not looking. And that my weight doesn't matter because I'm beautiful. And then says he knows this because he is good looking, even more good looking because he's been working out and has lost weight.
I sat straight up in bed. I was stunned. Couldn't believe it. It's 2 in the morning and I'm losing my damn mind calling him a hypocrite and a liar. He really didn't want me all those years ago, couldn't have if he was always preoccupied with weight. How safe is it to play with the fat girl who lives hours away? He denied that was how he felt, but I feel as stupid now as I did however many years ago. The one person who was supposed to be safe. The one person who was supposed to have my back and not stab me in it. Do I deserve it? I want to be sad. I want to be disappointed. Instead I'm just resigned.
But, perhaps it is for the best. There has to be a reason the past keeps biting me in the ass. I'm just not sure what that is.