Bypassing my heart levels

My dad is going to have triple bypass surgery tomorrow.

We've been living with this knowledge for a couple of days now. It makes it no less stressful to have this knowledge. He's been talking about living life to the fullest, joking about no regrets in case someone has a whoops when he has the surgery. I cannot deal. I am having trouble working my head around the fact that someone is cracking his chest in the afternoon.

Ironically, this is taking my mind off the fact that my love life is shit, but it still sucks. I alternate between being incredibly frustrated and morose about life taking its turns, to being incredibly frustrated and depressed about the fact that my life is not going my way. Like I wake up in the morning, but even then I'm having trouble getting out of bed. I haven't exercised in a few days, I'm eating like crap (why don't I have any ice cream in this joint?) and I don't sleep very well. On the brighter side, my cats are being sweet and hogging the bed.

I'm just a little lost. I don't know how to find myself. I can figure out how to get up and go to work. But there isn't anything more I know how to do. There is a fine line between existing and living. I'm not sure how I'm going to flip over to the living piece. But I cannot stand any more losses. I'm brittle. I may not survive.