In mourning

Well, a lot has happened in the last few years.
Moved from Dallas to Tulsa after being promoted. Started working in different areas of the immediate area, and met an incredibly amazing woman. We started working together, and she started texting and calling me. Light flirting, and I didn't think anything of it. We kept working together, I kept ignoring the flirting. But she was persistent and I couldn't last forever. I stepped down, moved back to where I grew up, and we immediately started dating. We lived together for over a year and a half, and were supposed to be married two weeks ago. But 2 weeks before the wedding, a month ago, she came home late from work, in tears, and said that she couldn't marry me. It wasn't just that she didn't want to marry me, but that she couldn't live with me any longer. That she didn't love me the same way and so we couldn't be married, we couldn't live together, everything hit a dead stop.
I fell in love with this amazing woman, who wooed me and loved me and made me laugh, and now suddenly she is gone. We adopted a dog; now she has a part of our family with her and I can no longer have that either. She moved out last Thursday. I got completely smashed while we had little arguments about me being snarky and her ending our relationship even though it hurts her too.
I'd forgotten that I could love like that any more. I'd forgotten those times where you share your breath and thoughts and warmth, and you are grateful for the nudges in the back in the middle of the night that wake you from a dead sleep, just to hear her whisper, 'I love you'. I'd forgotten the pain of losing someone as well. How your heart rips out still beating and you are just focused trying to relearn how to breathe around this massive pain in your chest.
I don't cry everyday any more, but I'm still having trouble trying to figure out how I move on and who I've become. I'm not the same woman I was 2 years ago. I never will be, and that isn't a bad thing, but I don't know who I am now.
So I exercise, and I drastically change my eating habits (down 15 pounds!!) and I sleep like crap. I keep looking for her in the bed and she isn't there. I keep picking up my phone to text her, but have to put it down again because she doesn't respond. She wants to get over me and I'm still trying to figure out what went wrong.
My family has bent over backwards trying to take care of me. Like I'm some sort of invalid or child who can't perform basic functions. They talk behind my back about what to do with me, so we went to Memphis during what should have been my wedding, and listened to blues, picked up art and generally hovered around like I was walking wounded and they were just trying to insure I didn't take anyone out with me. The picture I ordered finally arrived, so now I will find another hobby. Back to my writing. It is NaNoWriMo after all. I might as well do something productive with all my spare time. Besides, it should keep me from angsting about wanting to text her and not, as well as keep me from making an even bigger ass out of myself. Now, if I could just get the money she owes me...