Letting the little things nip at my heels.

I'm allowing stupid shit from my ex bug me. Not sure why I'm allowing it to get under my skin. Although, bright side, it isn't devastating me like it would've weeks ago. So I guess that's a win.

So, I decided to be some sort of grown up and unfriend her.  Ok.  I know that isn't truly being a grown up, but its the best I've got for now.  Part of me was relieved. I think the kicker was when I saw she had reactivated an old account. So she feels she needs to hide from one group or another. Goodness knows it is hard to live as an out lesbian, but at some point you have to let all of your business out and let the chips fall where they may. I was shocked at first. Why go to the trouble? What could she be hiding? But, in the end, it doesn't really matter, does it? She doesn't get in touch with me. Why should I worry about what she is hiding? She's made it plain that I'm no longer a part of her world. So, I unfriended her, her family and her friends. I have no doubt that she is still friends with some of my family, but since I had rarely posted, I'm sure it will take a while for her to notice. I want her to be happy, but I want me to be happy more. It seems selfish to hear that thought cross my brain, but it is true.

In other news, dad is taking walks around the hospital, but probably won't be out until next week. My sisters are sniping at each other over my mom and her bullshit and I'm just in my corner with my ears plugged and humming out loud. Oh, and we are all sick.

But, thanksgiving has come and gone. I survived. I'm looking at a new haircut. Full pixie. And I'm going to have to reup my electric and water bills at the old house while I wait for a tenant. Not looking forward to that. And I keep flipping forgetting.

I want to be happy - more. And I deserve to be happy. My world isn't over just because my relationship didn't work out. And, it isn't my fault.

I'm still dreaming about her at night though. It takes 6 months to break a habit? I guess I'll sleep better in the spring.